, 6 tweets, 2 min read Read on Twitter
I’ve always found that bit in Bond films — where the baddie thinks they are such a supreme genius that they confidently explain their impending dastardly plan to Bond — totally unbelievable.
Until this week, that is, when we’ve seen Johnson & Cummings do exactly that...
NIGHT: INTERIOR
329 MPs and most of the House of Lords are tied to green and red benches around an old building. They watch helplessly as the UK is strapped to a cutting table, with a large circular saw edging slowly towards its tender nutsack (somewhere around Devon)
ERNST CUMMINGS: So, Mr Boles, it’s very good of you and your little friends to join us. You’ll have the perfect view for the finale of my master plan.
BOLES: I wouldn’t be so sure Cummings, I have democracy on my side.
JOHNSON: Democracy? Pah! Not worth a bean with our plan!
BOLES: Really. What is your plan?
JOHNSON: it’s, er, gosh. What is our plan?
CUMMINGS: I suppose there’s no reason not to tell you now, you can’t stop us as we are genius masterminds. We’ll suspend parliament, have an election, run down the clock and have no deal Brexit! Mwahaha!
BOLES and all the sensible people: oh, okay. Well we’ll pass a bill to delay Brexit til well after Parliament is unsuspended, and say no to an election then.
CUMMINGS: what?! How did you know? How could you do that! My perfect plan, ruined!
[Makes escape in gyrocopter from roof]
JOHNSON: Gosh, Jeremy Corbyn. He’s a bit of a chicken, eh? So, what shall I talk about now. The script seems to have, well, scarpered. What is it the police say? “You have the right to remain...” Remain? Remain!
[self destruct mechanism detonates in Cummings evil bunker]
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