Godman Akinlabi Profile picture
Jun 26, 2020 36 tweets 13 min read Read on X
1. Hello and welcome! It’s episode 304 of #MrMrsBetterHalf. Mr. & Mrs Better Half is designed to strengthen marriages & relationships that will lead to marriage, with wisdom from God's Word. Image
2. Last week, we looked at the topic: “What men want!” Missed it? Catch up here ... #MrMrsBetterHalf.
3. Today, we're discussing the topic "Kuku kill me!” which is about dealing with domestic violence. We’ve all heard stories in the past and even recently about people who killed their spouses - some even killed themselves in the process. #MrMrsBetterHalf
4. While no one knows exactly what leads up to a person murdering his/her spouse, there are usually red flags about a person’s nature or instability that are apparent before violence escalates to the point of murder. #MrMrsBetterHalf
5. This is why you must to pay attention to such red flags in dating and courtship. If your mate cannot contain his or her outrage, don’t just file it off without talking about it and seeing if they are willing to work on themselves and do better. #MrMrsBetterHalf
6. Domestic violence of any kind, be it to a man or woman is absolutely unacceptable! Ladies, just as it’s not okay for a man to hit you, do not hit him! That you know that a man may not speak up due to self-esteem concerns does not make it okay. #MrMrsBetterHalf
7. Many times, when people come to me with cases of domestic violence, they have some story or excuse to give - provocation, self-defense, intoxication etc. Bottom line, we must learn how to manage our emotions no matter what. #MrMrsBetterHalf
8. After all, if your colleague provokes you at work, you will not beat him or her up. That said, that your partner is expected to self-manage doesn’t give you a pass to provoke them unnecessarily. #MrMrsBetterHalf
9. To the person that has experienced one form of domestic violence or the other, let me start by commiserating with you. I can imagine that having your partner hit you or act violently towards you must feel horrible. #MrMrsBetterHalf
10. The person who's supposed to have your back is the one who hurt you. Your fear now is that if s/he probably has done it once, it might happen again. I advise you don’t jump into conclusion. Examine the issue critically & objectively, & not just emotionally. #MrMrsBetterHalf
11. Does s/he have a history of violence? Did they hit other family members or exes? If yes, then there is a tendency that they might repeat the act. He or she must own up to his anger management issues and resolve it. #MrMrsBetterHalf
12. Do not cover up for them. Abuse thrives in secrecy - even if they plead with you, insist that they get help and be held accountable by a third party. It can be embarrassing but your well-being is more important. #MrMrsBetterHalf
13. Sick people must go to the hospital no matter how embarrassing the ailment if they want to be made well. Similarly, if your marriage or relationship is sick, don’t let ego or maintaining a false reputation keep you from getting professional help. #MrMrsBetterHalf
14. If you have anger management issues, I implore you to seek help before you lose your spouse, your marriage and everything else. There are therapists and ministers who can help you get your emotions under control. #MrMrsBetterHalf
15. If you grew up seeing wives ‘disciplined’ by their husbands, understand that real adults do not win arguments with their fists. #MrMrsBetterHalf
16. They have crucial conversations and yield when one person has a superior argument to keep the peace in the home. Your spouse doesn’t need ‘discipline’; s/he is not a naughty child. #MrMrsBetterHalf
17. On the other hand, if your spouse has never shown signs of violence before, you need to examine what really happened in this case. What triggered this unusual outburst of violence? Was s/he pushed past limit? #MrMrsBetterHalf
18. Has something changed in your life, family or status? Sometimes moving to a new job, city or country can take its emotional toll on people. Your environment has a way of conditioning you for good or bad. #MrMrsBetterHalf
19. Finding the trigger does not excuse your spouse’s actions, but it helps you to face the problem head-on. It’s easier to get rid of or handle the trigger than to rid yourself of your spouse or marriage. #MrMrsBetterHalf
20. Just by the way, to the one who acted violently - the first time should be the only time. You need to sort yourself out. One more incidence and your spouse has a right to put distance between you for his/her own safety. #MrMrsBetterHalf
21. Time for some introspection. Have you ever considered that sometimes you are the trigger? Have you ever been told that you are rash, provocative or abrasive? Have you been accused of aggravating people or pushing their buttons? #MrMrsBetterHalf
22. You may feel your spouse should know just how to control him/herself, but you must also be able to self-govern and not push others to sin. You may not be hitting with your hands, but you may be hitting with your words and actions. #MrMrsBetterHalf
23. Self-leadership is owning up to your faults and doing better. You can’t remove the speck in your spouse’s eye if you refuse to remove the log in your own. #MrMrsBetterHalf
24. For instance, it’s common knowledge that women are often more loquacious or verbal than men and sometimes this can have a negative impact on a relationship. If you shout your husband down in every argument it can be very frustrating. #MrMrsBetterHalf
25. However, some women say, ‘you knew I was a talker; why did you marry me?’ It’s not always about you talking; sometimes it’s about how you say what you say. Remember that just as you crave your husband’s love, he also craves your respect. Season your words. #MrMrsBetterHalf
26. Likewise some men can be very physical and aggressive- perhaps owing to how they grew up and how they learnt to settle arguments. Sometimes a man that cannot win with words might be tempted to win with his fists. #MrMrsBetterHalf
27. Your history is not an excuse for bad behavior. The weaknesses of your past should be addressed and changed to suit your present and future. Beating up your wife to win an argument only makes you a beast and bully and doesn’t win you true respect. #MrMrsBetterHalf
28. Men, you have to deal with your wives gently and delicately. Stop flying off the handle at the slightest provocation. Build patience and be more accommodating. Look upon her with favour. That’s how to be a husband. #MrMrsBetterHalf
29. You must both learn to communicate effectively. Have rules of engagement when you are arguing. Know when to stop and when to walk away to discuss another day. Learn to fight fair. Let mutual respect be your watchword. #MrMrsBetterHalf
30. I challenge you never to use abusive words on each other. In fact, don’t even abuse your spouse in your mind! It is difficult to be physically violent if you haven’t been mentally or verbally violent. Abuse is in stages. Nip it in the bud. #MrMrsBetterHalf
31. Also, be willing to change. I find that some couples are unaware that marriage requires change, growth, compromise and many painful yet beneficial changes. Living with your spouse will stretch you, yet it will bring out the best in you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
32. So, if you were filthy, loving your spouse should make you neater. If you were saucy, loving your spouse should make you more polite. If you were aggressive, loving your spouse should make you more genteel and romantic. #MrMrsBetterHalf
33. Also, check that there aren’t root issues polluting the atmosphere - in-laws, finances, intimacy, trust, etc. Don’t wait to deal with fruits; deal with root issues before they germinate into things like violence. #MrMrsBetterHalf
34. Strive to bring out the best in each other and create an atmosphere in your home that brings out the best in one another. This is not one person’s responsibility; you must both commit to it. #MrMrsBetterHalf
35. I hope this has been helpful to you. I will be back next week with another topic. Until then, thanks for following, participating and RTing. May your marriages and relationships be sweet! #MrMrsBetterHalf
35. Remember, marriage should be fun and full of love. Assault of any kind puts a wedge between the two people who should be best buddies. Commit to living together in peace and love. #MrMrsBetterHalf

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