Whenever I start missing home even when I'm at home, I know I'm deeply distressed. This happened to me a few days ago.
Over the years, it took a while to identify the feeling. To understand that what I was really missing was the family home in Magodo where my parents used to live. So, I was indirectly missing my parents (now deceased).
I was longing for my mom to ask if I had eaten and then give instructions for food to be served. I was wishing for my dad to ask about my work, career and travel plans in obvious pride. And, I was remembering the prayers my mom would say just as I was leaving.
Those are the things I recognized as "home" and those are the feelings we must curate for our children.
You need a home. There might be a Russia-Ukraine war, and a pandemic may be raging. Nigeria may not have light and diesel prices may have doubled in days. But, when you get home, there is quietness.
Your business partners may be shafting you. Regulators may be unpredictable and unbearable. But when you return home, you experience a haven of order, values, honour and comfort.
If you married the wrong person; if a loved one is struggling with a debilitating chronic condition, going home may be difficult.
If you're barely trying to get by and you live in a rough part of town, the concept of home may be far from you.
There are four stages of career growth: Skills, Expertise, Structure and Legacy.
Skills: At this stage, you're aggressively developing your knowledge and abilities. You typically don't have much disposable income. This is because after meeting your basic expenses, if you're wise, you spend what's left on additional certifications, degrees & cultural exposure.
Expertise: Now you're a high earning professional. You've parlayed your skills into a great paying role or business and you are in demand. Your focus is maximizing your productive years and reaping the fruit of earlier investments in self-development.
In relationships, conversations matter. Deep, probing, uncomfortable discussions. This is because they provide context and elicit understanding.
A few years ago, I met someone who was brash and blunt. Because of his abrasive nature, I was tempted to cut him off.
One day, while conversing, he described his childhood. He grew up in a polygamous home where he was the runt of the litter. He competed for everything and learned to be vocal at a very young age.
A few weeks ago, I asked myself a question. "Subomi, are you religious?" I did so because of an encounter I had with God.
For some days I tried to read my Bible in the morning as is my usual practice. But I felt a resistance; a prompting to read my journal instead.
In my notes I compile the promises God gives me, then I categorize them by year in chronological order. When I kept deferring to my Bible despite instructions, I heard God say, "Are the words I have spoken to you any less than my words in the Bible?"
CHURCHES AND CREATIVE HACKATHONS: I spent a few hours with two pastors I respect, discussing the church. At some point, I expressed a growing frustration - how the promises in the Bible rarely line up with the reality of the Christian life. Something was not adding up.
The consensus seemed to be that Christians rarely deploy the gifts of the Spirit in the real world. This is because we are limited by religion. So, we become as normal and as powerless as everyone else.
For some reason, we do not think to use word of wisdom and prophecy for instance, in product design and corporate negotiations. We think those gifts are limited to church services and our personal lives.
A WORLD GONE MAD: My friend and I have been talking about the paucity of good people in a world gone mad. Good is subjective but you know it when you see it. It's a combination of universal values like kindness, fairness, equity, respect and so on.
We did a quick assessment of whether our circles have tightened, we go out less or we meet fewer people. We finally settled on, "The world has changed."
I used to think darkness of spirit was an African problem. Perhaps a consequence of the belief in the diabolical, poor educational standards or a deepening desperation to escape poverty. But lately, I'm noticing the dark side everywhere.