Thread by @tamanosou

Okay guys. So ... it's a thread. And honestly ... this is a story that I need to tell you. There is no point nor lesson to be learned this is not scientific this is just a moment in time wherein I've discovered - yet again and also to my horror - that humans are weird.

So I like pinterest. It's ... relaxing to look at impossibly gorgeous sculptures adorable cats, recipes including ingredients I can't source, clothing I will never be able to afford or fit into, and crafting projects I realistically will never do.

They also have some really purty weapons. But ... judge me all you want. When I want to unwind, it is my version of a bubble bath and glass of wine.

But every now and then something amazing happens on pinterest and I just have to bask in the utter absurdity. Now ... a lot of the content is ads that I have no interest in but my duderinos. I give you .... Wedding dresses for the minimalist bride ....weddingssoireeblogbykmich.com/2018/12/7-vers…

The idea ... supposedly is that you can wear these dresses more than once. Great. I mean that was the point of wedding dresses before ... I dunno 1960 or so. And as flippant as that sounds I'm totally for this. Weddings are insanely expensive.

The wedding dress is nice but ... unless you can pass it down to your daughters what are you going to so with it? So okay cool.

So right like this, if my knees weren't massive utilitarian joints of deadliness would be great. I love it. (And yeah, I just have massive joints. I'll likely never get osteoarthritis but ... MASSIVE joints)

Then we've got this, and ... I'm not into floral but you could do this in a teal or with some sort of big accent on the skirt and I'd be cool:

And there's a flop or two like this which ... I mean, I think Melania wore this once but she's a frump meister so most normal women who are trying to look good would never wear this. It's a no from me dawg.

But then ... oh dear. Guys if you're here ... if you're listening to this, it may be the last transmission I send because I am behind enemy lines and surrounded. And there was NO WARNING.

My Beaus and my Belles, hold onto your giblets because:

I. Have. QUESTIONS.

Like okay first, what the fff do you think my body looks like anyway?? Maybe this dress is just really well designed but I don't see any nude fabric. YOU CAN SEE HER ABS. You can't *quite* see her nipples but we're one stiff breeze away from a full salute.

So, firstly for the wedding, you're not having a religious or traditional ceremony in that. Like ... just no. Can you imagine kneeling at an alter or smashing a glass under a chuppah in that?? No you can't because one false move and EEEEEVERYBODY can see your kibbles and bits.

You gonna dance with your daddy in that? Because I get the sexual implications of daddy but YIKES.

But even that to one side this is the dress that you're going to be chatting with your conservative Aunt Meredith while wearing.

But okay let's say you have the bod for this AND it fits the wedding you're having AND you manage to get through the wedding without the apparently now obligatory nip slip. WHAT THE HELL KIND OF PARTIES ARE YOU ATTENDING????

And yes, we must make the "Eyes Wide Shut" Reference, but there the dress code was very simple and enforced. It was a mask, a thong, and that's all folks. So while this is similar, I don't think it makes the cut.

Where else would you wear this?? Like you can't very well go to the opera or ballet because you can't sit down and I mean I guess theoretically you could go to a gallery opening at ... I dunno the met, but what, are you going to be standing there in this chowing down on canapes?

This dress killed me. I thought it was a negligée. And as a negligee I get it. It's sexy. It is the "hey baby" of dresses. But even Rachel was just trying to vamp for time when she went out to dinner in her sex clothes. AND THIS IS A WEDDING DRESS.

I can't. I mean, if you're into it, you do you. I'm not going to judge. I mean, I will ask questions for they are legion, but hey, you want to get married tits out, by all means. It happens in Papua New Guinea more or less nightly. I mean, not generally like this but sure.

Update: I wanted to know the cost of this dress because it LOOKS expensive. And ... yeah. It's from here: orientpalms.com/Charbel-Karam-… and ... I couldn't find the cost because despite that being a website I'm afraid they'll see my bank account and call the cops.

Yeah on *slightly* deeper inspection I think this is one of those dresses where if you have to ask you can't afford it. I DO NOT know how much couture costs but as it is couture I'm guestimating it may be worth a cool million.

This is apparently a rabbit hole. I've found out what happened to the necklace from the affair of the queen's necklace though. And yes, those are real diamonds.