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My love for adventure tends to supersede my use for common sense sometimes,.but it's safe to say that it's no longer the case.

It all started when I went for my cousin's traditional marriage in the village and met Sola.

YEMOJA - The Sea Goddess 😭

#StoryTimeWithUche

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I had managed to save up some money though my business hadn't been doing well, my cousin was my favourite relative so I couldn't miss his wedding for the world.

I boarded a bus to Onitsha from Yaba on a Saturday and by 6pm I had arrived at my family compound

#StoryTimeWithUche
I stepped in I saw my little cousins playing, as soon as they saw me they ran to welcome me & I gave them what I bought on my way.

As I went inside the house I saw my cousin Tobe who was getting married

"Uchman you dun show"

"Yes o!"

"Welcome!"

"Nna welcome" my aunty said..
Read 74 tweets
One afternoon I got a DM from a white guy who said he likes what I do & I said "thanks", he asked where I was & I said Lagos.

"Hmm, so can we talk on WhatsApp?" He asked, I thought about it for a while

"Okay!"

I gave him my number.

White Caller😒

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#StoryTimeWithUche
Less than 5 minutes later I got a video call from a North American number, "video call?What's going on here?" I thought, "igba wo l'abere love t'an kiss?"

I declined the call and went back to what I was doing, this guy called again!

"Again?!"

"Ah ah!"

"This guy serious o!"
I finally picked and the first thing I saw was this guy with my ex girlfriend Lizzy, they were kissing each and laughing at me on video.

"Hello Uche!!" They screamed like 2 fools on live television, I didn't understand what was going on so I asked.

"What's going on here Lizzy?"
Read 74 tweets
Poverty is a bastard & it can bring you the greatest insult of your life, I was selling printers & office suplies online during a jobless phase of my life & barely got orders

One day I got an order from "Phillip JK" & I jumped up excited!

Otedola😭

Thread!

#StoryTimeWithUche
I quickly accepted the order, processed it & headed out straight to Ikoyi to deliver the item myself. It was a printer & I'd packaged it in a leather bag & carried it on my laps all through to Lekki.

It was the last unit I had left, I hoped the proceeds would last me a while..
I alighted at my bus stop looking like a house maid, "see what hustle has done to me" I cried inside as I stopped a bike to take me to my final destination.

I climbed & as the bike rode through the muddy road we plunged into a pothole & fell!

"Wayo Allah!" The bike man wailed!
Read 74 tweets
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I got a mail one day & hoped it was from this IT firm I'd applied to for a Procurement expediter role, I looked & luckily it was them!

"Yaay!!" I screamed when it read that I passed the aptitude test & should get ready for the interview.

Biggie Biggie! Heavy Heavy! 😭

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I was working with a shipping agency in apapa but needed a proper job so I hoped that I got it, the next day I lied to my boss that grandmother's best friend died; & that I was her god son, & there was a ritual I needed to do.

Luckily he believed & let me take few days off..
On my way home I got to oshodi & there was a gridlock, a tanker fell on the road so there was no movement. I thought of what to do, I brought out my phone & opened my WhatsApp

"How far?" KK sent about an hour ago, I replied him & he said he was stuck in traffic

"Oshodi own abi?
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"Uche! Report to the diary room!" Big Brother said so I hurried, as I was about to climb the stairs to the diary room I tripped & fell.

Damn!

I suddenly woke up & realized I wasn't even in Small Brother, talk more of Big Brother!

My food is burning!😲

Big Brother😭

Thread!
I quickly went to the kitchen & luckily my stew was only slightly burnt, I turned off the gas & started to reflect on the dream I had - I was discussing with Miracle and Nina, then I massaged Koko's back before Big Brother called me.

"What does this dream mean?" I asked myself..
While still pondering I reached for the little raw rice I had left, I decided to boil & eat for the weekend because I was broke & couldn't access money till the following week.

After putting the rice on fire I went to tune my Dstv to channel 198; just to watch Big Brother Naija!
Read 72 tweets
One day I got a DM from Donjazzy saying he loved my story, I almost fainted but I had to remain alive to go verify if it was the original Donjazzy, "it's him!" I said when I verified.

"Thank uπŸ™" I replied, "Let's meet up" he wrote.

I fainted!

It's Donjazzy Again IDJA

THREAD
I woke up immediately & saw my DM still open, "it's actually real, Donjazzy DM'd me!" I screamed, I immediately replied to say I was available & he texted me where to meet him.

I closed my app, dropped my phone & went to have my bath. While at it I remembered my crush Kemi..
I had been 'toasting' her for 3 months now & I promised myself that once she says yes I'd breakup with Kiki, "Maybe I'll take a picture with Donjazzy & send to her so that she'll like me more" I thought.

I finished having my bath, dressed up, grabbed my stuff & headed out proud.
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"Let's meet at my office" Mr John sent & I became excited, I'd been chasing this deal for moths so I hurried

I was at the bus stop when this beautiful girl alighted from a bus with heavy luggages "can you please help me?" She said as she looked at me.

Young John 😭😭

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I carried the heaviest of them all & held another on my right hand as I struggled through the muddy road, she kept thanking me all through till we got to her gate.

When I dropped the bag I realized I had stained my top, she started to apologize & told me to come in.

"I'm sorry"
I told her I would take care of the stain because I was running late for a meeting, she insisted & pleaded that I come insaying she have a top that'd fit me.

"Hmm. Ok" I agreed

"You can put this on, I'll wash this & you can come get it on your way back"

I pause for a minute...
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My journey of love didn't begin well, I fell in love with Nike in my new school and my life changed.

We called her Nikki, I did everything possible through the help of my new friend KK to woo her but "bad belle" was everywhere.

NIKKI MINAJ πŸ˜‚πŸ˜˜

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The first day in my new school was awkward because I was the only one not putting on a uniform in my class, I was in science class & I took the first day to profile my classmates.

I looked out for the bullies, the 'I too knows', the 'I don't cares' & of course the slay queens.
Subsequent days were better because I got my school uniform on time & life in the new school had started, one afternoon while we were on long break I noticed this fine chocolate girl walking towards me.

It felt like everything around me paused & she was on slow motion.

Damn!
Read 68 tweets
Some months ago I got a DM from someone who said he was my biggest fan, "I'll like us to hangout" he said. I told him I was honoured to have him as a fan.

"Lets meet around Lekki Phase 1" he said, I told him I was going to be free that Saturday evening.

Cool

Hangout😭

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I sent him my number and he called, later that weekend we met at a joint around admiralty and he was excited to finally meet his "favourite Story teller"

"Its nice to meet you too bro" I said as we both went into the bar.

"Wetin you dey drink?" He asked

"Oh Heineken"

"Yeah"
We ordered drinks and some meat & we started to eat, he asked some questions he had been curious about and I answered.

After a while he said he wanted to show me some cool joints on the mainland

"Are you in a hurry?" He asked

"Nah, I'm not"

"Lets check out some places"

"Ok"
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Why do some girls love making everything an issue, & for love sake you'll be dying inside for peace to reign.

I chose to work out to aid my discovery after I quit my job so I registered in a gym. I met Lucy, everything was ok until my girlfriend saw us together.

CEE C😭

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I had just joined the gym classes & my routine was still light, I was running on treadmills to build my fitness before I'd begin working on my body.

I got to the gym quite early on this occasion & I was alone, I started to work out & more people joined me.
While I was running on the treadmill I plugged music in my ears so I didn't notice people around me, after I had ran to my satisfaction I turned it off and when I got down from the treadmill I noticed this lady waiting for me to finish.

"You're done yeah?" She asked

"Yeah!" 😀
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"Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you but I just wanted to tell you that you're very beautiful"

"Oh Thanks"

"You're welcome. I saw the way you attended to the old man by the hallway, that was really nice of you"

"Yeah, he needed help so I thought it would hurt to help"

"Nice.."
"Can I know your name? That's if you don't mind meeting a stranger"

"It's okay, I'm Ella"

"Hi Ella, I'm Uche & it's my pleasure"

"Nice to meet you too Uche"

"I'm actually hurrying up to meet my friends over there, can I possibly get your contact?"

"Oh sure, bring your phone"
That was how I met Ella in the mall few years ago, she looked calm and angelic in her light blue top & black skinny jeans. I promised to call when I got home later that day.

I met up with my friends & we went to the Cinema to watch a movie

Ojuju Calabar 😭

#StoryTimeWithUche
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Let me tell you guys a story, Tunde bought plenty Valentine gift for his girlfriend and kept in his room. He planned on giving his girlfriend when he returns from work in the evening.

But Tunde has a flatmate (Tolu) & they live in a 2 bedroom flat πŸ˜‚

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#StoryTimeWithUche
Tolu's girlfriend came to pay a surprise visit to him, she had visited the house just once (before they moved in) so she dressed nice (red and white) and bought a gift for Tolu (who was at work too) and planned on staying in his room till he got back.
She went to the house at about past 12 when she was sure that they would be at work, Tolu had made other plans with another girl because his girlfriend had lied that she was traveling.

She had a spare key so she got inside the house, unfortunately she went to the wrong roomπŸ˜‚
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When you think you're a Mekwe Lord but you meet not one but 2 Mekwe Queens in a space of days, you know that your destiny is about to be re-arranged.

Kenny was scrolling through his gallery & I pointed towards one slim, dark girl.

MEKWE ON THE RUN πŸƒ

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#StoryTimeWithUche
Kenny came to see my brother while I was around, he waited outside sipping on some Goldberg & scrolling through his phone.

"How far na?" I ask him

"I dey" he responds.

I looked at his phone & saw this fine girl

"This babe fine o, how far?"

"Ha! Ushe,No o!"

"Wetin happen?"
"Ha, omo this girl go kill you o" Kenny said, I asked him if she was a hired killer & he laughed.

"The babe na Nackademus" Kenny adds, I told him to give me her contact & he said he would talk to her first.

I told him it was fine & he nodded; my brother later came to join us.
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When you meet the Love of your life & she gives you the "I have a boyfriend" line, trust me u can't be bothered.

I met Gloria in church one thanksgiving Sunday & it was the period I was getting tired of my girlfriend.

(THINGS WE DO FOR LOVE)

Thread of life

#StoryTimeWithUche
Chioma was frustrating & putting pressure on me, she would complain about everything I do to make her happy. One day I asked her to come see me before I travel back to Lagos, she asked for transport fare which I sent to her but she never came.

I got angry & travelled to Lagos!
I got to Lagos on Saturday & the next Sunday was thanksgiving Sunday in church, I thought of attending because it's been long I went.

I selected a native attire, ironed it & got set for church the next day.

Next day I went to church, everybody looked nice.

#StoryTimeWithUche
Read 64 tweets
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