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#StoryTimeWithUche returns tomorrow, watch out for the concluding story on the 7 Days in Gwagz series
Read 3 tweets
Arriving at Gwagwalada was a relief for me, I got to my friend's neighbourhood which was characterised by the big hotel he had described to me - I called him to meet me by the "Aboki's shop" near the hotel

He came out!

7 Days in Gwagz 2 ๐Ÿ˜ญ

#StoryTimeWithUche
When he came out he had on a face cap similar to mine, I overlooked it because it wasn't custom made for just me;

"How far na?"

"I dey"

"Welcome to Gwagz bro"

I thanked him & from the way I sounded he suspected something was wrong;

"Guy you dey Okay?" He asked and I said No!
He asked me what was wrong & I told him it was a long story, I had refused to inform him while I was en route; I didn't want him to panic

"You dun chop?" He asked & I told him I hadn't eaten, "make we go chop first!" He said as he pointed towards the direction of the food vendor
Read 31 tweets
One day I was traveling to Abuja by road, I was to stop at Gwagwalada to see my cousin who schooled at the University there.

We got to Benin-Ore road & suddenly became 'Pressed'

"Driver abeg I wan piss!" I screamed

7 Days in Gwagz ๐Ÿ˜ญ

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#StoryTimeWithUche
The driver told me he would have to get to a particular restaurant before stopping, "You want make I shit for body?!" I reacted & everybody in the bus turned to look at me;

"Driver stop for am na" one man backed me & the driver finally agreed to park beside a bush

I jumped out!
"I'm sure it's the Ukwa I ate" I thought as I raced into the bush, I soon found a perfect spot - I bent down to take care of my business!

Minutes later I started to hear gunshots, "armed robbers o" I cried as I suddenly stopped purging

"Where's my mummy?" I wailed in the bush!
Read 28 tweets
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One day my brother @TheycallmeCOBY called me to meet him at the set of a movie shoot, as the backup actor who always covers up when an actor messing up - I gladly went!

"I have to go" I told my friends as I grabbed my phone & headed to the set location!

Awon Goons Mi๐Ÿ˜ญ

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Immediately I left ikeja to head to gbagada I got a phone call from KK - "that girl you like is in my house now" he said, I told him I was in a hurry & would 'branch' his house when I'm through

I hurriedly found my way to the location, I asked what my role was & I was told
I was to lie to the girl & she would slap me thrice, "Why wouldn't the main actor abscond?" I thought..

I agreed to play the role for the love of the art;

We rehearsed & it was soon time to shoot, I said my lines & immediately she slapped me the light in the room went off!
Read 70 tweets
"Mama did you hear what the town crier just said?" Lotanna asked his mother who was in the kitchen cooking; "No my son, is it about the 'Ofalla'?" She replied

"Exactly, he said that it would still hold by fortnight" Lotanna continued..

THE OFALLA๐Ÿ˜ญ

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#StoryTimeWithUche
"Make sure you harvest the remaining yam in the farm before you go" his mother said & he told her he was heading to the farm 'right away'

"Ok my son...

Lotanna grabbed his cuttlass, dusted a basket lying around in their yam barn & headed to the farm.

But;

Something happened..
On his way to the farm he passed by a bush path, he thought to take a "quick one" in the bush so he dropped his basket & cuttlass by the roadside & made way to find a nice spot

Suddenly (somebody say suddenly)

He saw Obinna the Igwe's 2nd son trying to rape a maiden!

Osanobua!
Read 34 tweets
"How much for advert?"

"100k"

"Nor worry I go give you 120"

"Oh, no problem"

"Only on one condition o"

"What's the condition please?"

"You will drink beer with me"

"Ahh, that's not a problem!"

That was how it all started!

..Oga Donatus! ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜ญ

Thread!

#StoryTimeWithUche
I got up from the bed that morning with an exciting phone call & it made my Morning feel bright, as I made a move to walk towards the bathroom my phone rang again!

I checked๐Ÿ‘€

Your guess is as good as mine;

Progress!!

I ignored the call without thinking twice

"No bad energy"
As I stepped out into the living room I saw this young girl sitted half naked on my couch watching T.V., I looked around to confirm if I was in my own house;

"What's going on here?" I said out loud, "oh hello, you must be Uche I guess" this girl responds in a tiny voice

Yes
Read 72 tweets
There was a time when it was a big sin for a girl to put on a pair of trousers/pants..

Remember?

Good old days..

One Saturday Bisola visited after 'church', I stepped out to welcome her & realised she was wearing a pair of brown pants!

And my mom was home!

KANA!๐Ÿ˜ญ

Thread!!
"Uchenna! Who is at the door?!" My mom screamed from her room, "My friend!" I replied as I opened the door net & smiled at Bisola.

"Hi Bisola" I said as I walked out to give her a hug, deep down I was praying to God that my mum didn't come out.

"She can't see her like this o!"
"Lets walk" I said to Bisola as we stepped out of the gate, I thought of my next move & quickly remembered my friend 'Victor'

"I'll take her there" I thought to myself as I moved, Victor was a neighbourhood friend who also attended my church

"Hope you don't mind taking a walk?"
Read 56 tweets
"Shebi God dun catch you today omo yibo!" Afeez yelled from outside, I was confused and didn't know what to do;

I immediately stood up & walked towards the window with my arms wide open, "bros e e never reach like that" I stuttered!

GHETTO LOVE 2๐Ÿ˜ญ

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#StoryTimeWithUche
I suddenly heard a bang from the door & I instinctively assumed it was Moshood, "ah thank God!" I heaved as I turned back;

To my greatest surprise it was Toyin that had escaped leaving me behind, "Toyin has left me!" I wailed!

"Why didn't I even think of running away" I thought
"Jamiu!" I suddenly heard someone scream from outside the door, I made a move to run when I saw the other boys running & chanting

"This is the day I die!" I wailed within as I headed towards the door, immediately I grabbed the door knob to turn it open I heard a shout;

Ogbeni!
Read 67 tweets
I had a friend from secondary school who lived in a 'hood' behind my estate, his parents couldn't afford him a university education so during holidays I would hangout with him in the 'hood'.

One day I went to visit him & almost got myself into trouble๐Ÿ˜ข

GHETTO LOVE๐Ÿ˜ญ

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His house was a 'face me I face you' so I would usually walk through the passage down to his room to knock, that day I knocked a couple of times & got no response;

"Ta ni yen!" A tiny female voice finally spoke from within, "It's me!" I responded in English

"Hello Boda Ushena"
"Boda moshoodi is nor arand" Aaliyah said immediately she opened the door & saw me standing, "he has went to carnival" she added.

'Moshood' my friend was a full time 'street boy' who had dreams of being an independent businessman.

"Where is the carnival happening?" I asked her
Read 45 tweets
"I would've told you I was going to see my doctor afterwards" Tessy said, "I didn't know I was pregnant, I'm sorry" she added.

I paused for few seconds; turned to Oge, looked at Tessy while trying to hide the mini heart attack I just had!

My Sherikoko 2๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜‚

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"You can't be pregnant" I said to Tessy with a voice as silent as the opposite of loud, "you're pregnant?!" Oge exclaimed!

"Yes!!" Tessy replied, "isn't that what you told him?" She added.

"Uhm.." Oge stuttered, I stood there looking further confused

"You're pregnant?"

"Yes!"
She explained how she had an appointment with Sherikoko's father when she found out he was a doctor, "wait?! You're serious?" I asked Tessy & she said yes;

"What have I done to these village people" I thought;

"T.B.D!" someone suddenly screamed

"The Baby Daddy!!" I heard again
Read 59 tweets
Most guys understand the frustration behind 2face's voice when he screams "Amaka Disappoint Me!" in that song with Perruzzi, I can also relate because girls have 'shown me pepper' in this life.

I was a faithful lover at a stage in my life until;

Amaka Disappoint Me ๐Ÿ˜ญ

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I had gotten to the level where I could contest for election in my department so I decided to contest for 'Director Of Socials', "e go fit you skata" Zik said when I told him my intentions

"Serious?"

"Yes, we go campaign for you"

It was all the morale boost I needed

"Thanks!"
I told my course rep & colleagues of my intentions, "you go run unopposed!" CJ said - "e be like Slim K dey run too" one of my classmates said.

Who wan follow uchman dey drag social?" CJ asked surprisingly, "Uchman no worry we dey your back" he added!

I thanked them & left...
Read 72 tweets
I walked through the streets of Kano one afternoon submitting application letters from organisation to organisation, I became thirsty so I stopped a "pure water" vendor to get hydrated

She gave me the water, Immediately I drank it a car pulled up beside me

SAI GOBE ๐Ÿ˜ญ

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The car's glass rolled down, this young woman dressed like an 'Alhaja' looked through the window & asked me for directions;

"Hello, please are you familiar with this area?" She asked, I told her I was & she said she was going to a company named "Trol Global"

"Yes I know it!"
I remembered the company because it was one of the places I had planned to submit my CV, I told her I was headed towards that direction & she offered to give me a ride.

I hurriedly paid for the water & joined her in the car, we left & headed to the company.

#StoryTimeWithUche
Read 80 tweets
"1 unread" I saw on my mail notification one morning, I hate having unread messages so I quickly unlocked my phone to read

It was from my client, he said he found a "cheaper supplier"

I was sad because I'd placed all hopes on this deal

You again?๐Ÿ˜ญ

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#StoryTimeWithUche
I tried to reply but I immediately got a phone call from my younger brother, "My data has finished" he said during the call & I told him I'd heard him.

I dropped the call & didn't bother replying, I decided to tweet a bit so I go to twitter; I checked my inbox & saw new messages
"Bro Uche help me with my school fees" one read, it ended with account details & I just smiled & ignored. I post a few thoughts, as I went to my notifications I saw a reply that read "make I send account number?"

I just went off twitter & straight to WhatsApp to reply texts!
Read 72 tweets
I was working as a Supply Chain Officer in Lagos, I was in charge of expediting procurement & also following up on vendors.

One of our major suppliers had issues with her supply & she came to complain, she met me & I helped solve the issue.

That was the Genesis.

LADY B

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While she was leaving my office she left an envelope on my desk & walked away before I could notice, few minutes after she'd left I noticed it

I opened it to check & there was N10,000 inside it, I smiled - kept the envelope back on the table & kept working.

And Suddenly!!
I heard a Nokia phone ring, I looked closer & found out it was beside the envelope. I picked it up & answered the call & I heard a female voice

"This is Lady B" she said, "oh, hi Lady B" I reacted - she confirmed she left the envelope when I asked her just to be sure;

"Keep it"
Read 80 tweets
The hunger from working had affected me so badly that when I got up to get food I almost fell, I went down & realised there was no food.

"Chai!" I screamed, the fridge was empty & the mall inside the estate was quite a distance but it was my only option.

SOLO WHY? ๐Ÿ˜ญ

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I located my flip-flops, grabbed my phone & wallet then headed straight to the gate. I had barely walked 5 minutes when I felt a heavy hit from behind my thighs, before I knew it I was on the floor.

I had been hit by a Range Rover driving by, it was so painful that I screamed!!
I quickly held my legs to ascertain the magnitude of the knock while the car parked & a young lady wearing heels hopped out of the car.

"Oh my God are you okay?!" She screamed, I didn't bother to respond as I kept expressing pains.

She started to panic..

#StoryTimeWithUche
Read 71 tweets
I woke up one day wondering when I'll graduate from the hustle phase & get a big break, my mood worsened when realised there was no power to work with.

I went to the kitchen & there was no food, the fridge was also empty!

Suddenly! My phone rang๐Ÿ˜จ

(Phyno fit no know๐Ÿ˜ง)

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I grabbed my phone to see who was calling & it was an unknown number, "My name is Temi from MTV, am I unto Uche?" A female voice spoke.

"Yes this is Uche!" I responded as we kept talking, she asked if I would like to be part of a talk show that is about to start.

"I'd love to"
She requested for an email & asked if we could meet up that day, "for a show on MTV I could meet everybody in Lagos in one day" I thought - I asked where & she wanted us to meet;

"I'll text you the address"

"Ok"

"I heard a lot about you, Mekwe King"

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"Great"
Read 71 tweets
My love for adventure tends to supersede my use for common sense sometimes,.but it's safe to say that it's no longer the case.

It all started when I went for my cousin's traditional marriage in the village and met Sola.

YEMOJA - The Sea Goddess ๐Ÿ˜ญ

#StoryTimeWithUche

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I had managed to save up some money though my business hadn't been doing well, my cousin was my favourite relative so I couldn't miss his wedding for the world.

I boarded a bus to Onitsha from Yaba on a Saturday and by 6pm I had arrived at my family compound

#StoryTimeWithUche
I stepped in I saw my little cousins playing, as soon as they saw me they ran to welcome me & I gave them what I bought on my way.

As I went inside the house I saw my cousin Tobe who was getting married

"Uchman you dun show"

"Yes o!"

"Welcome!"

"Nna welcome" my aunty said..
Read 74 tweets
One afternoon I got a DM from a white guy who said he likes what I do & I said "thanks", he asked where I was & I said Lagos.

"Hmm, so can we talk on WhatsApp?" He asked, I thought about it for a while

"Okay!"

I gave him my number.

White Caller๐Ÿ˜ข

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#StoryTimeWithUche
Less than 5 minutes later I got a video call from a North American number, "video call?What's going on here?" I thought, "igba wo l'abere love t'an kiss?"

I declined the call and went back to what I was doing, this guy called again!

"Again?!"

"Ah ah!"

"This guy serious o!"
I finally picked and the first thing I saw was this guy with my ex girlfriend Lizzy, they were kissing each and laughing at me on video.

"Hello Uche!!" They screamed like 2 fools on live television, I didn't understand what was going on so I asked.

"What's going on here Lizzy?"
Read 74 tweets
Poverty is a bastard & it can bring you the greatest insult of your life, I was selling printers & office suplies online during a jobless phase of my life & barely got orders

One day I got an order from "Phillip JK" & I jumped up excited!

Otedola๐Ÿ˜ญ

Thread!

#StoryTimeWithUche
I quickly accepted the order, processed it & headed out straight to Ikoyi to deliver the item myself. It was a printer & I'd packaged it in a leather bag & carried it on my laps all through to Lekki.

It was the last unit I had left, I hoped the proceeds would last me a while..
I alighted at my bus stop looking like a house maid, "see what hustle has done to me" I cried inside as I stopped a bike to take me to my final destination.

I climbed & as the bike rode through the muddy road we plunged into a pothole & fell!

"Wayo Allah!" The bike man wailed!
Read 74 tweets
I got a mail one day & hoped it was from this IT firm I'd applied to for a Procurement expediter role, I looked & luckily it was them!

"Yaay!!" I screamed when it read that I passed the aptitude test & should get ready for the interview.

Biggie Biggie! Heavy Heavy! ๐Ÿ˜ญ

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I was working with a shipping agency in apapa but needed a proper job so I hoped that I got it, the next day I lied to my boss that grandmother's best friend died; & that I was her god son, & there was a ritual I needed to do.

Luckily he believed & let me take few days off..
On my way home I got to oshodi & there was a gridlock, a tanker fell on the road so there was no movement. I thought of what to do, I brought out my phone & opened my WhatsApp

"How far?" KK sent about an hour ago, I replied him & he said he was stuck in traffic

"Oshodi own abi?
Read 77 tweets
"Uche! Report to the diary room!" Big Brother said so I hurried, as I was about to climb the stairs to the diary room I tripped & fell.

Damn!

I suddenly woke up & realized I wasn't even in Small Brother, talk more of Big Brother!

My food is burning!๐Ÿ˜ฒ

Big Brother๐Ÿ˜ญ

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I quickly went to the kitchen & luckily my stew was only slightly burnt, I turned off the gas & started to reflect on the dream I had - I was discussing with Miracle and Nina, then I massaged Koko's back before Big Brother called me.

"What does this dream mean?" I asked myself..
While still pondering I reached for the little raw rice I had left, I decided to boil & eat for the weekend because I was broke & couldn't access money till the following week.

After putting the rice on fire I went to tune my Dstv to channel 198; just to watch Big Brother Naija!
Read 72 tweets
One day I got a DM from Donjazzy saying he loved my story, I almost fainted but I had to remain alive to go verify if it was the original Donjazzy, "it's him!" I said when I verified.

"Thank u๐Ÿ™" I replied, "Let's meet up" he wrote.

I fainted!

It's Donjazzy Again IDJA

THREAD
I woke up immediately & saw my DM still open, "it's actually real, Donjazzy DM'd me!" I screamed, I immediately replied to say I was available & he texted me where to meet him.

I closed my app, dropped my phone & went to have my bath. While at it I remembered my crush Kemi..
I had been 'toasting' her for 3 months now & I promised myself that once she says yes I'd breakup with Kiki, "Maybe I'll take a picture with Donjazzy & send to her so that she'll like me more" I thought.

I finished having my bath, dressed up, grabbed my stuff & headed out proud.
Read 70 tweets
"Let's meet at my office" Mr John sent & I became excited, I'd been chasing this deal for moths so I hurried

I was at the bus stop when this beautiful girl alighted from a bus with heavy luggages "can you please help me?" She said as she looked at me.

Young John ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ

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I carried the heaviest of them all & held another on my right hand as I struggled through the muddy road, she kept thanking me all through till we got to her gate.

When I dropped the bag I realized I had stained my top, she started to apologize & told me to come in.

"I'm sorry"
I told her I would take care of the stain because I was running late for a meeting, she insisted & pleaded that I come insaying she have a top that'd fit me.

"Hmm. Ok" I agreed

"You can put this on, I'll wash this & you can come get it on your way back"

I pause for a minute...
Read 72 tweets
My journey of love didn't begin well, I fell in love with Nike in my new school and my life changed.

We called her Nikki, I did everything possible through the help of my new friend KK to woo her but "bad belle" was everywhere.

NIKKI MINAJ ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜˜

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The first day in my new school was awkward because I was the only one not putting on a uniform in my class, I was in science class & I took the first day to profile my classmates.

I looked out for the bullies, the 'I too knows', the 'I don't cares' & of course the slay queens.
Subsequent days were better because I got my school uniform on time & life in the new school had started, one afternoon while we were on long break I noticed this fine chocolate girl walking towards me.

It felt like everything around me paused & she was on slow motion.

Damn!
Read 68 tweets
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