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I remember my first kiss, I was a teenager who was just began exploring the dynamic of romantic relationships.

It was few years ago; I'd just relocated to Calabar to live with my dad.

I enrolled in Access High School, Calabar.



I went to live with my dad years back, I landed in Calabar & braced myself for the new adventure. I heard the city had beautiful people & great food - witchcraft too!

Life was also about to take a different turn because my father was also the Principal of my prospective school.
The following week I went to write the entrance examination into senior class, after the exams I waited in the staff room for my results..

The result soon came out & I was asked to resume the following week, my result landed me in science class & my dad was immediately informed.
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"Don't forget o, take two of this in the morning and two at night!" The pharmacist said to Tony, he paid, thanked her & headed home

As soon as he walked out to the roadside he saw a car broken down & a lady standing beside it

Trials of Tony One Week


"Are you Okay?" He asked & she looked at him, "I went in there to make my hair & I came out to a flat tyre" she replied.


"Do you have a Jack?"

"Yes I do"

Tony kept his drugs under a nearby tree & helped Sharon fix her tyre; he finished, grabbed his drugs & disappeared!
Tony was a young entrepreneur chasing dreams, he'd fallen ill & went to get some antibiotics when he met Sharon. He left the scene while Sharon was trying properly park her car;

"Tony! Tony!!" She called when she came out, but he was gone!

"Oh no! Why did he have to go"
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"Una exam time table dun comot?" Progress asked as soon as he called me, we were in 300 level & were about to begin exams;

"Yes, dem paste am for department today" I responded, "our own too dun comot o!" He replied!



Tension in school went high as students suddenly became serious, a lot were seen reading under street lights at midnight while a certain set didn't care.

I woke up one Monday morning after a long & beer-filled Sunday night, we had a morning revision class so I went to get set!
While I was brushing my teeth I got a '2go' message from 'Emma' - a classmate, "you hear say ASUU dun go on strike?" He wrote;

I stopped brushing & read it again to be sure I wasn't dreaming, I left his chat & went on to check other updates from people & I saw similar at updates
Read 73 tweets

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Sometimes I ask myself why bad things happen to good people, why 'monkeys would sow & baboons will reap'..

One day I got a call from my former colleague Tobi, he said his car broke down close to my house & he needed help!

One Chance!☹


I stood up, went outside to take a bike to where he was - minutes later I got there & saw him in distress;

"Wetin do your car?" I asked as I walked closer, "I no know o, the car just broke down!" he responded.

I moved closer to him by the bonnet & suddenly noticed a young girl!
"Tobi, the bathroom" she said expressing some discomfort between her thighs, "ehen, abeg help me carry my babe go use your toilet abeg" Tobi swiftly responded
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One cold morning while I was still trying to get myself to wake up from a long sleep i heard my phone rang, I ignored the call because I was still 'booting'.

The phone rang again & I had no choice than to see who it was;


Love Wantintin🙄


"My brother, I am in love!!" Progress said as he picked the call, "you're in love?" I asked to confirm & he said yes;

"So what do you want me to do?" I asked him;

"That's exactly why I'm calling you" he replied


"Yes, you'll escort me to go marry her"

"Marry what?Who?"
I told him to calm down a bit, I assured him I recognised how deeply in love he had fallen if that was the reason why he was telling me about marriage;

"No be play I dey play o" he replied

"Guy relax" I said, "when day break come my house" I added

"I dey your door" he replied!
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"Knock Knock!" I suddenly heard when I stepped out of the bathroom after Mekwe, the bang was heavy that I'd began to suspect it was probably from armed robbers;

"Can you please check who's at the door?" Patience said..


7 Days in Gwagz 4


I was scared but I had to 'man up', I decided to go near the window to check who it was;

I peeped through the window & to my greatest surprise it was Peter!

Peter from the conference!
"They're here!" I solemnly panicked as I ran towards Patience who had walked to the kitchen, "who are they?!" Patience asked;

"The ritualists that I met at the conference!" I responded, "What?!" Patience reacted - "how did they get here?!" She fearfully asked

"I don't know o!"
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Seeing that it was the same Andrew from Patience's house I became dumbfounded, "How far?" Chisom asked him;

"Drew baba!" Osas hailed as well, he shook them both while maintaining a steady gaze at me

"Fuck! What do I Do?" I thought

7 Days in Gwagz 3 😭

"Na your guy be this?" Drew finally said as he turned to Chisom to break the awkward silence, "na my guy" Chisom replied

"How far?"

"How far?"

Drew walked in & we followed, the silence was still awkward so I tried to leave it that way - he brought out a few clothes & showed us
"These na new collections" he said raising some shirts, "dem just deliver them from streets this week" Drew added

I was feeling really uncomfortable so I took a quick glance at the first shirt he raised & told him I liked it, "it looks perfect for the conference" I added
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#StoryTimeWithUche returns tomorrow, watch out for the concluding story on the 7 Days in Gwagz series
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Arriving at Gwagwalada was a relief for me, I got to my friend's neighbourhood which was characterised by the big hotel he had described to me - I called him to meet me by the "Aboki's shop" near the hotel

He came out!

7 Days in Gwagz 2 😭

When he came out he had on a face cap similar to mine, I overlooked it because it wasn't custom made for just me;

"How far na?"

"I dey"

"Welcome to Gwagz bro"

I thanked him & from the way I sounded he suspected something was wrong;

"Guy you dey Okay?" He asked and I said No!
He asked me what was wrong & I told him it was a long story, I had refused to inform him while I was en route; I didn't want him to panic

"You dun chop?" He asked & I told him I hadn't eaten, "make we go chop first!" He said as he pointed towards the direction of the food vendor
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One day I was traveling to Abuja by road, I was to stop at Gwagwalada to see my cousin who schooled at the University there.

We got to Benin-Ore road & suddenly became 'Pressed'

"Driver abeg I wan piss!" I screamed

7 Days in Gwagz 😭


The driver told me he would have to get to a particular restaurant before stopping, "You want make I shit for body?!" I reacted & everybody in the bus turned to look at me;

"Driver stop for am na" one man backed me & the driver finally agreed to park beside a bush

I jumped out!
"I'm sure it's the Ukwa I ate" I thought as I raced into the bush, I soon found a perfect spot - I bent down to take care of my business!

Minutes later I started to hear gunshots, "armed robbers o" I cried as I suddenly stopped purging

"Where's my mummy?" I wailed in the bush!
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One day my brother @TheycallmeCOBY called me to meet him at the set of a movie shoot, as the backup actor who always covers up when an actor messing up - I gladly went!

"I have to go" I told my friends as I grabbed my phone & headed to the set location!

Awon Goons Mi😭

Immediately I left ikeja to head to gbagada I got a phone call from KK - "that girl you like is in my house now" he said, I told him I was in a hurry & would 'branch' his house when I'm through

I hurriedly found my way to the location, I asked what my role was & I was told
I was to lie to the girl & she would slap me thrice, "Why wouldn't the main actor abscond?" I thought..

I agreed to play the role for the love of the art;

We rehearsed & it was soon time to shoot, I said my lines & immediately she slapped me the light in the room went off!
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"Mama did you hear what the town crier just said?" Lotanna asked his mother who was in the kitchen cooking; "No my son, is it about the 'Ofalla'?" She replied

"Exactly, he said that it would still hold by fortnight" Lotanna continued..



"Make sure you harvest the remaining yam in the farm before you go" his mother said & he told her he was heading to the farm 'right away'

"Ok my son...

Lotanna grabbed his cuttlass, dusted a basket lying around in their yam barn & headed to the farm.


Something happened..
On his way to the farm he passed by a bush path, he thought to take a "quick one" in the bush so he dropped his basket & cuttlass by the roadside & made way to find a nice spot

Suddenly (somebody say suddenly)

He saw Obinna the Igwe's 2nd son trying to rape a maiden!

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"How much for advert?"


"Nor worry I go give you 120"

"Oh, no problem"

"Only on one condition o"

"What's the condition please?"

"You will drink beer with me"

"Ahh, that's not a problem!"

That was how it all started!

..Oga Donatus! 😅😭


I got up from the bed that morning with an exciting phone call & it made my Morning feel bright, as I made a move to walk towards the bathroom my phone rang again!

I checked👀

Your guess is as good as mine;


I ignored the call without thinking twice

"No bad energy"
As I stepped out into the living room I saw this young girl sitted half naked on my couch watching T.V., I looked around to confirm if I was in my own house;

"What's going on here?" I said out loud, "oh hello, you must be Uche I guess" this girl responds in a tiny voice

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There was a time when it was a big sin for a girl to put on a pair of trousers/pants..


Good old days..

One Saturday Bisola visited after 'church', I stepped out to welcome her & realised she was wearing a pair of brown pants!

And my mom was home!


"Uchenna! Who is at the door?!" My mom screamed from her room, "My friend!" I replied as I opened the door net & smiled at Bisola.

"Hi Bisola" I said as I walked out to give her a hug, deep down I was praying to God that my mum didn't come out.

"She can't see her like this o!"
"Lets walk" I said to Bisola as we stepped out of the gate, I thought of my next move & quickly remembered my friend 'Victor'

"I'll take her there" I thought to myself as I moved, Victor was a neighbourhood friend who also attended my church

"Hope you don't mind taking a walk?"
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"Shebi God dun catch you today omo yibo!" Afeez yelled from outside, I was confused and didn't know what to do;

I immediately stood up & walked towards the window with my arms wide open, "bros e e never reach like that" I stuttered!



I suddenly heard a bang from the door & I instinctively assumed it was Moshood, "ah thank God!" I heaved as I turned back;

To my greatest surprise it was Toyin that had escaped leaving me behind, "Toyin has left me!" I wailed!

"Why didn't I even think of running away" I thought
"Jamiu!" I suddenly heard someone scream from outside the door, I made a move to run when I saw the other boys running & chanting

"This is the day I die!" I wailed within as I headed towards the door, immediately I grabbed the door knob to turn it open I heard a shout;

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I had a friend from secondary school who lived in a 'hood' behind my estate, his parents couldn't afford him a university education so during holidays I would hangout with him in the 'hood'.

One day I went to visit him & almost got myself into trouble😢


His house was a 'face me I face you' so I would usually walk through the passage down to his room to knock, that day I knocked a couple of times & got no response;

"Ta ni yen!" A tiny female voice finally spoke from within, "It's me!" I responded in English

"Hello Boda Ushena"
"Boda moshoodi is nor arand" Aaliyah said immediately she opened the door & saw me standing, "he has went to carnival" she added.

'Moshood' my friend was a full time 'street boy' who had dreams of being an independent businessman.

"Where is the carnival happening?" I asked her
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"I would've told you I was going to see my doctor afterwards" Tessy said, "I didn't know I was pregnant, I'm sorry" she added.

I paused for few seconds; turned to Oge, looked at Tessy while trying to hide the mini heart attack I just had!

My Sherikoko 2😭😂

"You can't be pregnant" I said to Tessy with a voice as silent as the opposite of loud, "you're pregnant?!" Oge exclaimed!

"Yes!!" Tessy replied, "isn't that what you told him?" She added.

"Uhm.." Oge stuttered, I stood there looking further confused

"You're pregnant?"

She explained how she had an appointment with Sherikoko's father when she found out he was a doctor, "wait?! You're serious?" I asked Tessy & she said yes;

"What have I done to these village people" I thought;

"T.B.D!" someone suddenly screamed

"The Baby Daddy!!" I heard again
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Most guys understand the frustration behind 2face's voice when he screams "Amaka Disappoint Me!" in that song with Perruzzi, I can also relate because girls have 'shown me pepper' in this life.

I was a faithful lover at a stage in my life until;

Amaka Disappoint Me 😭

I had gotten to the level where I could contest for election in my department so I decided to contest for 'Director Of Socials', "e go fit you skata" Zik said when I told him my intentions


"Yes, we go campaign for you"

It was all the morale boost I needed

I told my course rep & colleagues of my intentions, "you go run unopposed!" CJ said - "e be like Slim K dey run too" one of my classmates said.

Who wan follow uchman dey drag social?" CJ asked surprisingly, "Uchman no worry we dey your back" he added!

I thanked them & left...
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I walked through the streets of Kano one afternoon submitting application letters from organisation to organisation, I became thirsty so I stopped a "pure water" vendor to get hydrated

She gave me the water, Immediately I drank it a car pulled up beside me


The car's glass rolled down, this young woman dressed like an 'Alhaja' looked through the window & asked me for directions;

"Hello, please are you familiar with this area?" She asked, I told her I was & she said she was going to a company named "Trol Global"

"Yes I know it!"
I remembered the company because it was one of the places I had planned to submit my CV, I told her I was headed towards that direction & she offered to give me a ride.

I hurriedly paid for the water & joined her in the car, we left & headed to the company.

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"1 unread" I saw on my mail notification one morning, I hate having unread messages so I quickly unlocked my phone to read

It was from my client, he said he found a "cheaper supplier"

I was sad because I'd placed all hopes on this deal

You again?😭


I tried to reply but I immediately got a phone call from my younger brother, "My data has finished" he said during the call & I told him I'd heard him.

I dropped the call & didn't bother replying, I decided to tweet a bit so I go to twitter; I checked my inbox & saw new messages
"Bro Uche help me with my school fees" one read, it ended with account details & I just smiled & ignored. I post a few thoughts, as I went to my notifications I saw a reply that read "make I send account number?"

I just went off twitter & straight to WhatsApp to reply texts!
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I was working as a Supply Chain Officer in Lagos, I was in charge of expediting procurement & also following up on vendors.

One of our major suppliers had issues with her supply & she came to complain, she met me & I helped solve the issue.

That was the Genesis.


While she was leaving my office she left an envelope on my desk & walked away before I could notice, few minutes after she'd left I noticed it

I opened it to check & there was N10,000 inside it, I smiled - kept the envelope back on the table & kept working.

And Suddenly!!
I heard a Nokia phone ring, I looked closer & found out it was beside the envelope. I picked it up & answered the call & I heard a female voice

"This is Lady B" she said, "oh, hi Lady B" I reacted - she confirmed she left the envelope when I asked her just to be sure;

"Keep it"
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The hunger from working had affected me so badly that when I got up to get food I almost fell, I went down & realised there was no food.

"Chai!" I screamed, the fridge was empty & the mall inside the estate was quite a distance but it was my only option.


I located my flip-flops, grabbed my phone & wallet then headed straight to the gate. I had barely walked 5 minutes when I felt a heavy hit from behind my thighs, before I knew it I was on the floor.

I had been hit by a Range Rover driving by, it was so painful that I screamed!!
I quickly held my legs to ascertain the magnitude of the knock while the car parked & a young lady wearing heels hopped out of the car.

"Oh my God are you okay?!" She screamed, I didn't bother to respond as I kept expressing pains.

She started to panic..

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I woke up one day wondering when I'll graduate from the hustle phase & get a big break, my mood worsened when realised there was no power to work with.

I went to the kitchen & there was no food, the fridge was also empty!

Suddenly! My phone rang😨

(Phyno fit no know😧)

I grabbed my phone to see who was calling & it was an unknown number, "My name is Temi from MTV, am I unto Uche?" A female voice spoke.

"Yes this is Uche!" I responded as we kept talking, she asked if I would like to be part of a talk show that is about to start.

"I'd love to"
She requested for an email & asked if we could meet up that day, "for a show on MTV I could meet everybody in Lagos in one day" I thought - I asked where & she wanted us to meet;

"I'll text you the address"


"I heard a lot about you, Mekwe King"



Read 71 tweets
My love for adventure tends to supersede my use for common sense sometimes,.but it's safe to say that it's no longer the case.

It all started when I went for my cousin's traditional marriage in the village and met Sola.

YEMOJA - The Sea Goddess 😭


I had managed to save up some money though my business hadn't been doing well, my cousin was my favourite relative so I couldn't miss his wedding for the world.

I boarded a bus to Onitsha from Yaba on a Saturday and by 6pm I had arrived at my family compound

I stepped in I saw my little cousins playing, as soon as they saw me they ran to welcome me & I gave them what I bought on my way.

As I went inside the house I saw my cousin Tobe who was getting married

"Uchman you dun show"

"Yes o!"


"Nna welcome" my aunty said..
Read 74 tweets

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