IT'S GOING DOWN AT WORK TODAY!!
SOMEONE HAS SHIT ON THE FLOOR. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. AN ACTUAL POO.
Updates to follow...
CCTV is being looked at, some nervous faces in the office..
#ShitGate
The turd in question was found by the cleaner....IN THE KITCHEN!!!
We’re now all being asked to own up..
I’ve not seen this much excitement in the office since they released names and addresses of local peados.
#ShitGate
THIS. IS. HAPPENING.
CCTV has been viewed. Tension is rising, some very worried faces around me.
People are turning on each other, speculation is through the roof!
#ShitGate
We've just been informed (quite oddly) that the turd was a formed mass, and not ass piss..
Not sure what to do with that information...
Management are currently bunkered down in the conference room. Can't help but feel if they reacted this quickly to peoples concerns, we wouldn't have a SHIT on our kitchen floor!
Never seen people checking out their colleagues asses so much... Like there's gonna some remaining shite hanging from their pants...
MANAGEMENT ARE OUT PEOPLE!!!
(Turtle) heads are gonna role...
#ShitGate
CCTV was inconclusive. We’re being told no one can leave till someone owns up.
Everyone has turned on each other, friendships are long gone. This is now a real life Lord of the Flies..
#ShitGate
Just witnessed someone lean over to their desk mate and actually SNIFF them...
A FIGHT HAS BROKEN OUT.... I FUCKING LOVE LIFE!
We work under extreme pressure every day.
Today, one turd has divided a company. One solitary, well formed poo, has broken us..
I just witnessed a colleague stand up and yell 'IF THIS ISNT RESOLVED BY KICK OFF, I'M GONNA SHIT ON YOU ALL'
#ShitsComingHome
Phones are ringing off the hook! No work has been done. Side fights are breaking out all over the shop.
What a day to be alive!
People are being sent home to ‘calm down’!!!
You can’t make this up!
One person just leaned over to me and said ‘I know who did it, I recognise the scent’!!!
Ahh Columbo, thanks for joining us...
#ShitGate update:
Suspicions and speculation have gone into overdrive.
Current #1 suspect: the cleaner
Was this an attempt at the perfect crime? Was it smelt and dealt by the same person?
THE POO IS STILL IN THE KITCHN LIKE ITS A FUCKING CRIME SCENE!!!
Let me just get my chalk out and draw round it...
THEY KNOW WHO DID IT?!?
The place is buzzing! Hush whispers ringing around the office. Friendships broken beyond repair.
And still, one little poo remains festering in our kitchen, like a tiny murder victim.
At this point I’m beyond excited. I woke this morning dreaming of England reaching the World Cup final. Now I sit in anticipation of who pulled down their cacks, squat and shat on our kitchen floor..
And still one question remains, where did they piss?
WE HAVE THE CULPRIT!!!
It was a disgruntled contractor who hadn’t been paid on time!
They have just been lead out the building, shamed in front of us all.
A chorus of ‘Shits Coming Home’ is ringing out in the office.
This has been a wonderful, wonderful day.
THE CONTRACTOR HAS RETURNED TO COLLECT HIS STUFF!!
One coworker started a chorus of ‘Poo are ya’ ‘Poo are ya’ while another’s attempting to get ‘I will always love poo’ (the bodyguard) going.
Management not impressed.
I FUCKING LOVE THIS PLACE!!
#ShitGate
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