Thread by @Rachel_Gutin

So... on this #NationalComingOutDay, I came out to Facebook as asexual (or somewhere on the asexual spectrum, anyway) - and now, I'm out to Twitter too. Today, I adopted another label for myself. And I want to tell you why labels matter. 1/

I've known since college that I was Queer. I came out as lesbian to a few close friends in college, and then a few close friends in the community I found when I moved to NYC for graduate school. 2/

At some point, I realized I wasn't a lesbian; I was bi. 3/

Then, I spent a few years dating, not dating, then once again dating a good friend of mine. (He is still a good friend.) 4/

Not long after we broke up, I saw my 30th birthday approaching, realized I was still single, and decided it was time to really come out. First, to more friends, then to my family, and finally, eight years ago today, to Facebook. 5/

This year, I found that Facebook posts in my memories, and decided I wanted to share it - but then, I realized I wasn't really fully out anymore. See, over the past few years, I have gradually come to realize that there's another identity that is mine. 6/

Over the past few days, I finally decided that yes, I am most likely asexual. (And if I'm not, I'm at least on the asexual spectrum.) And today, I claimed that identity as my own. 7/

And all evening, as I sent texts to my siblings, composed emails to close friends, and then, finally, got ready to post to facebook, I felt this mix of nerves and excitement. 8/

And then, I hit "post" on facebook, and the excitement faded. It was replaced, I think, with this feeling of calm satisfaction. Because this label is me, or it's a part of me. And it feels right to take it as my own. 9/

And I wasn't the only one to come out today as asexual and biromantic. After I had decided to post, but before I actually posted, a friend put up her own post coming out with the exact same labels. And it made me feel more confident in posting my own. 10/

Her response to my status: WELCOME TO THE CLUB. Another friend's response: yes hello welcome. And that felt even better. There's a *club*. And I get to be in that club. With all these other cool people. 11/

And having a label lets me find those people. Having a day set aside for me to take ownership of that label lets me find those people. And having those people makes me feel so much more secure in my identity. Because it's not just me. 12/

Having a label means I'm not wrong or broken. I'm just in a different club. And I've got plenty of good company there. I could have a whole community of people who also share that label if I wanted to. Because the label lets me find them. 13/

But having a label does a lot more than that. It lets me find *myself.* 14/

Because, back when I was in that relationship, I don't think I even knew that asexuality was a thing that existed. I knew what stuff I didn't like and wasn't interested it, but I thought it was something wrong about me or weird about me. Something I needed to fix. 15/

And during that time, I saw a therapist, and that was one of the things we were working on. And I thought she was a good therapist. 16/

But tonight, I realized that there was something she never did. She never asked if I had heard of asexuality. She never let me know that some people just aren't into that stuff, and that's perfectly fine. Tonight, I realized we were trying to fix something that wasn't broken. 17/

And because I had no word for what I was (and am), I didn't know I could just be who I was. I didn't know that was an okay type of person to be. If only I'd had a label, maybe I would have figured that out a lot sooner. 18/

And ultimately, I don't think I suffered any serious lasting harm from this. But I could have. And the same goes for all of the labels under the Queer umbrella. 19/

Imagine if we didn't have a word for nonbinary. Or Trans. Or even gay. Imagine not being able to explain who you are to other people, or even to yourself. Imagine not knowing that who you are is okay, and you aren't broken. 20/

I know that labels can feel constricting for some people, I spent so many years not fully being able to understand who I was, just because no one had given me a word to explain it. And now that I have taken this label as my own, I don't feel constrained; I feel free. 21/

So, on this #NationalComingOutDay, I just want to say that I am grateful for labels, and I am grateful that I know them. Because today, with those labels, I can be fully me. I am asexual and biromantic, and I am here. Today, I claim these labels, and am fully me. 22/22