THREAD:
Abusers force secrecy upon their victims the moment boundaries are crossed. Whether explicitly stated or implied, the abuser asks the victim to become a co-keeper of at least two weighty secrets:
1. The truth about the abuse.
2. The truth about the abuser.
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The disruptive power of the secrets oppresses the victim.
Like any weight, the secrets become harder to carry over time.
The victim feels trapped as a desire to be free from the burden of secrecy is repeatedly met with a fear of what will happen if the truth is revealed.
It is a reasonable fear.
Many abusers coerce victims into silence with threats meant to give the victim the impression that telling anyone will cause some kind of destruction.
These fears are then reinforced by many other motivations for never telling. wademullen.xyz/2019/03/17/12-…
The decision to tell is an act of tremendous courage infused with the hope of finally being free of the burden of secrecy.
Yet, many have experienced a profound betrayal when those they tell demand they continue to carry the secret.
Fears become a reality and hope is shattered.
A refusal to believe a victim and to respond with justice and care asks the victim to bear new secrets, making the oppression even weightier as they carry:
1. The truth about the abuse.
2. The truth about the abuser.
3. The truth about the telling.
4. The truth about the told.
Victims live with a profound and disillusioning sense of injustice when their abusers and those who cover for them, absent any accountability, move through life with apparent ease, while the victims, absent support, struggle to survive under the weight of such painful truths.
It’s often been the case that the abuser, equipped with charm and charisma, continues to accumulate power, influence, and attention.
This makes their secrets even more disruptive, and therefore, more oppressive.
Sadly, the one most affected becomes the one most forgotten.
Our communities, schools, churches, and homes are safer when they are free of such secrets because victims no longer have to keep their stories close to their chest for fear of how others will respond.
We must break down these walls, believe survivors, and restore their hope.
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