Thread by @tansyrr

Live tweeting the Into The Woods movie (DisneyPlus Australia) in 2 minutes! Mute #especiallythebeans if you don’t want to see this.

And starting NOW! #EspeciallyTheBeans

#EspeciallyTheBeans I’ve only seen theatrical versions of this before... so many celebs in the first few minutes!

Love that Lucy Punch is making a career out of Ugly Stepsister roles... #EspeciallyTheBeans

Meryl Streep enjoying the plum part of the Witch! Always be the witch... (unless you can be Meryl Streep) “don’t ever ever never mess with my greens” #EspeciallyTheBeans

My children are weirded out by Jack being played by an appropriately aged actor! (“Shouldn’t he be 24?”) #EspeciallyTheBeans

This opening number is really a master class in establishing character through goals and motive! #EspeciallyTheBeans

Johnny Depp not having to try very hard to be super creepy as the wolf... #EspeciallyTheBeans

I kind of love that Red Riding Hood brushed off the super creepy wolf, only to scream loudly in James Corden’s face. #EspeciallyTheBeans

Red Riding Hood (another appropriately aged actor for the part!) is really holding this whole film together. #EspeciallyTheBeans

No one needs to see Johnny Depp dressed as a Wolf dressed as Grandma. #EspeciallyTheBeans

ANNETTE CROSBIE! Love her. Great choice for real Granny. #EspeciallyTheBeans

Excellent castle! nice and blocky, not a hint of Disney twiddles in sight. And of course a particularly epic staircase. #EspeciallyTheBeans

Chris Pine clearly chose to take Prince Humperdink as his inspiration for his role in this film. Good choice that Chris! #EspeciallyTheBeans

“My husband is in the woods undoing a spell” with an awkward laugh really just makes it sounds like a weird metaphor, Emily Blunt. #EspeciallyTheBeans

Epic beanstalk! #EspeciallyTheBeans

Just trying to imagine the pitch for this movie. “And Meryl Streep will spend most of her time in a tree!” #EspeciallyTheBeans

I do not feel that Billy Magnussen is famous enough to be in this movie, and while this Prince duet is amazing, I think they missed a great opportunity to match Chris Pine with Zachary Quinto, or Chris Evans! #EspeciallyTheBeans

In other news, Chris Pine’s Prince Charming has Dawson hair. #EspeciallyTheBeans

This love song between the baker and his wife is lovely but I feel they should be keeping a closer eye on their cow. #EspeciallyTheBeans

oh no the cow! #EspeciallyTheBeans

Really not sure why they have James Corden doing double duty — he’s fine as the baker (though I keep mentally recasting him as Lin Manuel Miranda because Mary Poppins Returns imprinted hard on me) but why not cast a Great Voice as the narrator? #EspeciallyTheBeans

You’ve got to think Meryl must be a bit chuffed that she’s still being offered parts that require her to use aged-up makeup. #EspeciallyTheBeans

Red Riding Hood is wearing Johnny Depp’s skin as a coat… man, I always forget how dark this show is!

#EspeciallyTheBeans

I love that Jack has all his little side adventures, like he’s been appearing in his own spin off show in an earlier time slot… #EspeciallyTheBeans

“I need that shoe to have a child.”

Health education is quite limited in the woods. #EspeciallyTheBeans

Whoever did the site location for the Into the Woods film did a bang up job, every tree is proper curly like an Arthur Rackham illustration. #EspeciallyTheBeans

I like that the Prince is pretending to also recognise Cinderella’s face, despite the whole shoe palaver, that’s classy romance, that is.

#EspeciallyTheBeans

I felt the need to check on the timeline - the Broadway production of Into the Woods launched in 1986, four years after Revolting Rhymes by Roald Dahl. What was it about the 1980s that inspired creators to lean into the bloody, violent side of fairytales? #EspeciallyTheBeans

You have to appreciate that the baker took the time to cover an entire cow in flour. #EspeciallyTheBeans

there aren’t many musicals that are willing to include a zombie cow. #EspeciallyTheBeans

OK Act I has a happy ending, send the children out of the room so they don’t find out about Act II! #EspeciallyTheBeans

Happily Ever… Earthquake. #EspeciallyTheBeans

Frances De La Tour potentially typecast as a glamorous giantess. I do love her so. #EspeciallyTheBeans

Meryl Witch with high blue hair: “see, Rapunzel, I’m a much less embarrassing parent now.” Rapunzel: you blinded my husband!

#EspeciallyTheBeans

Prince: what happens in the woods stays in the woods.

Baker’s wife: I know I shouldn’t encourage this douchebag attitude but you are so swoony…

(not actual dialogue)

#EspeciallyTheBeans

We missed out on a Peak Early 90s adaptation which would have included Cher, Danny DeVito, Goldie Hawn, Robin Williams, Steve Martin, and Roseanne Barr… #EspeciallyTheBeans

“I’m not good, I’m not nice, I’m just right.” ALWAYS BE THE WITCH.

#EspeciallyTheBeans

Given that it happened offstage, I can pretend that actually the baker’s wife didn’t fall off a cliff but instead found her way out of the goddamn woods and went off to the big city to find a new life away from all these terrible people.

#EspeciallyTheBeans

Gotta appreciate a plan that starts with “first we feed Jack to the giant.”

#EspeciallyTheBeans

Cinderanna pulls out her impressive ‘talking to birds’ skills at the eleventh hour.

#EspeciallyTheBeans

“A prince is supposed to be Charming, not Sincere.” So quotable, so true.

#EspeciallyTheBeans

I have to say, this isn’t the little cluster of survivors I would have picked to see the adventure through to the end in Into The Woods. Imagine if we got to see Emily Blunt and Tracey Ullman as the final girls, and someone had pushed the baker off a cliff…

#EspeciallyTheBeans

Red Riding Hood, though, she can stay.

#EspeciallyTheBeans

Damn, it, do I have to write a Jack’s mother story? #EspeciallyTheBeans

I do like that the surviving cast members are clearly pitching a family sitcom as the story pulls to a close…

#EspeciallyTheBeans

Emily Blunt returns to haunt her husband with some pretty basic parenting advice.

“Tree trunks are not babysitters and neither are you."

#couldhavebeenatext

#EspeciallyTheBeans

It wouldn’t be good parenting without telling your children, at the end of Into The Woods “and that’s how YOU came to be born too…”

#EspeciallyTheBeans

That was fun! (and the end credits are GREAT) Thanks for following along.

This Into the Woods live-tweeting was brought to you by my Castle Charming Kickstarter, to celebrate my first 150 backers!

#EspeciallyTheBeans

kickstarter.com/projects/castl…