Thread by @howtoheretic

Is that kid wearing an actual Newsboys shirt? Is this horrible product placement or were they so broke they needed free wardrobe?
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A Christian movie where everyone is in focus and the boom isn't in shot? AMAZING!

Movie guy tip here- when the movie is too cheap to book all the actors for the run, they solve the problem with lots of phone convos because they couldn't be there on the same day
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Grandma is the luckiest person in this movie. She won't remember any of it.
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Kevin Sorbo, the 'liberal lefty' professor calling Ayn Rand a great intellect. Come on guys, try just a little harder.
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David AR White - the only survivor of the Island of Dr. Moreau. His is the most inexplicable career in the history of careers.
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Professional atheist here, if any professor I ever had forced his students to sign a 'contract' that god is dead, I would be the first one through the dean's door to get him fired.
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OMG KEVIN SORBO IS ACTING, YOU GUYS!
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Sorbo is getting out-acted by the dusty plastic ficus that the filmmakers decided needs to be in every shot with him in his classroom. We see you, dusty plastic ficus.
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Josh's girlfriend forbids him to do his assigned classwork because ... it will ruin their future? How?
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Getting bored, if only some Duck Dynasty rando would show up for a wooden cameo and make deeply uncomfortable sexual innuendo with his wife - HOLY FUCK WHAT???
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Ah, the greatest American Christianist conceit ever - "Look! Muslims are awful because they treat women like shit" - never stop being so blissfully unaware, American Christianists. Promise me.
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OK, the scene in the church with David AR White and the lead kid (name unimportant)- this is exactly the setup to so much gay bear/cub porn I forgot I was watching this movie for a hot second.
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COULD WE EASE UP ON THE NEWSBOYS PRODUCT PLACEMENT? It's really ruining all layers of nuance of the narrative for me.
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Oh no, pushy atheist broad has contracted atheist cancer. Should have listened to the Duck Dynasty a-hole and accepted Christ. Christians never get cancer.
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I feel like Josh's (I learned his name, reluctantly) girlfriend is a bit pushy for a Quiverfull helpmeet. Is it just me?
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AND the dusty plastic ficus is stealing the scene from Sorbo again.
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The absurd behavior of Sorbo's professor (name- who cares) is proof that no one involved in this movie from the director to the day-player grip ever went to college.
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Josh is Christian-splaining the big bang, and Sorbo is smoldering with his patented middle-school interim vice-principal energy. This is the look of a man who knows his sport coat is going to get repossessed.
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AND Sorbo, aggravated by being upstaged by the dusty plastic ficus, just physically assaults Josh. Classis skeptical educator bullying.
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It's been so long without any NEWSBOYS product placement I'm jonesing.
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OK I have something good to say about this movie! The trees are nice!
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HAHAHAHA!!! Muslim girl is blissing-out listening to Franklin Graham sermons on her ipod!! This and the nice trees? Pinch me!
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Tonight I learned that non-Christians in relationships are unable to care if their significant other has cancer. These are true and meaningful lessons.
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HAHAHA! Rental car contract signing comedy! Classic David AR White hilarity! Then the car wouldn't start, AGAIN? No way this happens 25 more times in this movie!
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You left the bottle of wine, IN THE CAR? This is over! GOD IS DEAD AGAIN! YOU KILLED HIM!
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More car comedy! It won't start! This is the Inception of Christian movies- amazing!
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OK, she bought one bottle of wine (still half full on the table) and now 9 people are each have a full glass - either this is a straight-up miracle or there are the same number of drinkers on this movie as college grads (that is, none).
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Sorbo is wearing his second sport coat in the same week. Shits about to get real.
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OK, fun game. Watch the crimes against continuity in David AR White's Convo with Sorbo's GF in the diner. The camera keeps rolling back and forth like mad, and the coke/food has a life of its own. Move magic!
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Did Josh just name-check Lee Strobel in his big philosophical takedown or did an angel just kiss me on my peen? Can this movie possibly be this good?
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Watching Josh and Sorbo having their confrontation in front of the clearly uncomfortable dusty plastic ficus, I'm convinced Christian filmmakers are unaware of the pulsating gay sexual tension ALL their films are smothered with.
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AND the Muslim father can't help but beat the Jesus out of his daughter, because goodly Christians would never, uh, do a thing like that, right? Shit I gotta go, I'm tweeting from a reparative therapy Jesus camp and they'll take my phone!!
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Sorbo's back to sport coat #1. The plastic ficus has not been dusted. There is a small, blank whiteboard in front of a much larger, blank one. The center cannot hold. The falcon cannot hear the falconer.
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The strawman Sorbo is portraying would be a more convincing atheist villain than Sorbo.
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Sorbo isn't an atheist after all, you guys! He knows he's real! He just hates the creator of the universe who he knows can cast him into a lake of fire forever! Because that makes so much fucking sense!
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OMG, David AR White's car started! Either a) god is good all the time or b) the production finally found a pair of jumper cables. I feel like it's b.
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Oh shit, Grandma (name unimportant) wakes up from dementia long enough to give b-grade Superman (name unimportant) a little Jesus wisdom. They showed that because it's a thing that totally happens.
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At what point does one age out of being a "NEWSBOY"? After 37 aren't you more "NEWSMAN" material? Does Grinder have a cutoff for this?
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Sorbo just chillin' in his plush, adjunct professor, mahogany lair reviewing the 'God is Dead' contracts he coerced from his students. Because bad guy.
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I'm glad to sew that like me, all people fo all nations everywhere are drawn to NEWSBOYS stadium concerts like moths to flames. RESISTANCE TO MIDDLE-AGED CHRISTIAN POP IS FUTILE!
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OH NOES! I feel like Sorbo is going to cross against the light, because atheists have no morals or concern for life, even their own!
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First aid pro-tip: Before you try to assist a grievously wounded person, demand they believe whatever pretend you do. I mean, stopping the bleeding or CPR CAN help, but not as much as demanding they like a story from 1st century Palestine as much as you do.

You know what will convince me god is alive? Have one of the Duck Dynasty guys tell some Christian kids who got dragged to NEWSBOYS concert to mass text me. That will for sure do it.
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New phone. Who dis?
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What could be more Christian the rejoicing over the still-warm body of a shattered man whose last moments you stole by demanding he joins your D&D club? "Today is a great day"!
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