Mika McKinnon Profile picture
Field geophysicist, disaster researcher, scifi science consultant, science writer, public speaker, irrepressibly curious. Inactive here, seek elsewhere.

Jul 4, 2020, 8 tweets

You spend the weekend playing D&D with your adventure crew.

You reach into your dice bag to roll to sneak past a golem. You pull out what you thought was a d20 and instead #YouFindARock. Ooooh, shiny!

Shiny. So shiny.

>

> Lick

It’s gold. It tastes like gold.

Licking it adds nothing to your culinary experience except decadence and glitter. You get psychosomatic lingering hints of cinnamon from the sense-memory of too many shots of Goldschläger in days gone past.

>

> Zap

You recruit the wild mage to zap your golden die. After a brief detour into accidentally summoning daisies, they call lightning into the crystal. It conducts beautifully, scorching underlying sand into glass.

Your crew oooh and ahhh appreciatively at the fulgurites.

>

> Roll

Returning to the golem, you pick up the golden crystal and flick your wrist sharply as you release it, sending it tumbling.

As you admire the naturally-formed die, it dawns on you the combination of only 12 sides & no numbers precludes the possibility of a natural 20.

>

> Bribe

“I bribe the golden crystal,” you declare confidently, only to be shut down when your gamemaster smugly informs you that as a noble metal, gold cannot be corroded or corrupted.

“Um,” you ponder. “I... uh...”

>

> Steal

“Look, the 29ct AMNH opal’s opening bid is $2 & everyone forgot to show up!” you excitedly tell @FossilLocator, pointing. He turns, the distraction adding +5 to your skill check.

You succeed but feel guilty, vowing to pay him back once you cash in your loot.

> Sneak

The golem is equally distracted by the prospect of implausibly good deals on minerals, allowing you to (finally!) edge past.

You etch numbers in to your golden d12, its future dedicated to rolling for damage.

The path to the deep mines are open, rocks lurking below.

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