Recorded a fascinating interview this morning w/ @ginadalfonzo on her new book #DorothyandJack: The Transforming Friendship of Dorothy L. Sayers & C. S. Lewis.
So many angles, but one we tracked down was how Sayers & Lewis's friendship was a meeting of the minds rather than of the hearts. It got me thinking about how we discuss love, friendship, marriage, & whether men & women can be friends.
Obviously lots going on in that convo, too, but one of the problems w/ how we frame both marriage & friendship, imo, is centering it as something that is primarily rooted in the emotional life.
We talk about marrying our "best friend" b\c we're using same reference point for both matrimony & friendship: this person makes me *feel* a certain way. We "click." In this frame, I suppose I understand why some people would see m/f friendships at risk of becoming romantic.
If you're basing your relationship primarily in the emotional realm, romantic feelings are just a step away. If you marry your "best friend," than what's to keep a new friend of opposite gender from becoming your best? #guardyourheart
I'm sure some of this is personality, or maybe I'm a dinosaur like Lewis & Sayers, but I don't tend to make friendships this way. For me, the emotional side of friendship comes later, the result of shared interests & experiences that grows more personal. I'm a very bad BFF, tbh.
All that to say, we probably need to rethink & better define what we mean by "friendship." And you might need to listen to this episode when it drops in a couple weeks. But you *definitely* need to buy Gina's book.
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