Y'all, I am at a deeper emotional deficit than I realized. Sitting here, I just lost all steam for things I NEED to do. Last night's #BlackAFRoundtable is a factor, but I've also not had a chance to deal with the complicated grief of my mother's passing in March.
It's just a whole fucking lot. It's a lot of complex emotions that aren't just wrapped up in a neat bow, to be tidied and put away until it's convenient for me to acknowledge.
My friends pain, and anger and hurt last night was the outward manifestation of what I carry around with me. That I don't get to put out because a good chunk of people don't respect or understand boundaries.
Shit is just exhausting and it's hard because while I want to believe people mean well, but they wind up being helpy vs helpful. It's a lot, tied back to the pedestal convo last night but I'm a regular ass person. Not special, definitely not famous.
There's a lot more to say but I'm exhausted, have a headache that won't go away and hungry. Time to figure out food or order it, and they get my brain into full & upright position for being on later. Hope you all are well as can be, safe, fed, etc.
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