Thread by @PhilipMott1

If we want to reduce the level of anxiety parents feel about child benchmarks we may want to shift from a "learn xyz by age lmnop" to "age lmnop could be a great time to explore xyz."

I seriously feel less anxious just typing it.

This problem isn’t just in one area. Pediatricians implant this anxiety a little. Then seeing your brother’s child walk earlier causes more.

Then aunts and uncles imply worry when they ask, “are they doing blank yet?!”

A well-meaning parent sees your rant about behaviors and provides unsolicited advice about how to “nip it in the bud,” further implying any worry about timelines is justified.

Preschool admissions letters or a lack of slot availability increase the urgency of getting kids to a certain point by a certain age.

The thing is, most of the time, there’s nothing wrong with introducing kids to lots of activities. It’s when we feel it’s urgent that so many justify treating the kids with contempt unless they comply - that’s where the problems start.

All we would really be doing is admitting we don’t know what each individual is capable just by looking at their age.

If you’re new to this idea, we call it ageism, treating someone differently because of assumptions based on age.

Of course some could argue parents need to simply be less anxious.

That’s not helpful.

We are doing our best.

One really painful outcome of this obsession with benchmarks is that it incentivizes adults to come up with explanations as to why a child has not met a benchmark, exonerating the adults who are being scrutinized for the failure.

Those explanations become the frameworks for lumping students together in groups of different abilities. These groups get a different set of benchmarks, and because kids are already compared as individuals, the individuals start to compare their group to other groups.

Each of these benchmarks create “finish lines” in the pre-adult rat race. As I’ve said elsewhere, one way to end the race, is to take away the finish line.

Can there be an achievement gap when no one is in the “lead?”

Pay close attention to the way achievement is talked about. “She graduated at the top of her class!”

But what if none of the other students there cared about the class work?

We’re putting students at competition with each other. They’re incentivized, not to become ready for the world, but to beat their colleagues.

Aren’t there better ways to attempt to measure preparedness?

One assumption I’ve made here is that we all agree parents treat their kids better when they’re less anxious. Is it too much to assume we would agree that parents treating kids better would be good for everyone?

Or is that a stretch?

I know some, or many, might chime in to say, “kids already have it too good.”

I won’t spend a single moment trying to convince them anything I’ve said here. They can fuck off.