Thread by @GuardianofJupi1

When his letter was returned back to him, LXC was stunned. He wasn't expecting his proposal to be rejected, so sure that JWY was on the same page with him.

For 3 years after he ended his seclusion, he and JWY had been close - from acquaintance to reliable alliance to friends.

Along the way, LXC had fallen in love with him. He had fallen in love with his tenacity, his stubbornness, his protectiveness and strength. But most of all LXC had fallen in love with his rare vulnerability.

He had wanted to protect the man instead of the other way around.

And he had thought JWY shared his feelings.

LXC frowned as his heart ached when he read JWY's polite and brief refusal words. Could it be he had mistaken? Could he had mistaken the flush on those high cheeks whenever they were only a breath apart?

Or the way JWY's eyes seemed to light up looking at him? Or the protective way he'd been when people were talking bad about him finally coming out after years of seclusion?

No. LXC decided in renewed determination. He *knew* JWY feel the same as he did. He felt it in his heart.

LXC refused JWY's refusal. He'd come this far from having his heart broken by his sworn brother's betrayal to his heart being mended by his love for JWY to be pushed away by the same man.

With his hand clenched tightly on the paper, he rose and walked out - a man with a mission.

JWY didn't know what he was expecting when he sent that reply missive. Truth to be told, he was absolutely taken aback. He knew LXC knew about his feelings. He was never a subtle man - he wore his heart on his sleeves, after all.

But JWY wasn't pining. He was accepting.

He'd always known LXC was never, and would never been his. And so, he was kind of alright with whatever it was between them.

He had learned long time ago, that a heart wanted what it wanted and there was nothing he could do about it. He had learned to live with it.

But when LXC defied his expectation by sending that *marriage* proposal, JWY recoiled like he'd been burnt that he quickly sent a refusal missive because he knew the truth like a bitter medicinal drink - LXC didn't love him.

JWY refused be part in a marriage that was loveless.

And now, LXC stood in front of him, tall and powerful, lines of stubbornness in his face that was never there before he went into seclusion. Post-seclusion LXC now knew how to stand his ground and how to judge people's heart more cautiously.

"Sect Leader Lan," JWY greeted.

"Don't, Wanyin," LXC interrupted before pleading softly. "Don't put a distance between us."

JWY frowned. Defiantly, he took a step back. "Like this?" He said challengingly.

LXC ignored it, knowing JWY was purposely riling him up so that they wouldn't talk about the proposal.

"Why did you refuse me?" LXC asked gently. "I thought my proposal would be accepted, considering-"

"Just because you think you know how I feel, it doesn't mean I want us to be married," JWY snapped.

"So, you're not denying you feel something for me," LXC prodded.

JWY scowled as he retreated further. "My reply is clear, Zewu-Jun. Go back to your sect."

"I'm here to refuse your refusal," LXC's lips thinned obstinately.

"Heavens above, WHY?!"

"First, tell me why," LXC insisted.

JWY's eyes narrowed. "If I told you, will you go back?"

LXC simply smiled grimly, neither agreeing or refusing.

JWY sighed. He rubbed the heel of his hand against his forehead in frustration. After a few moments of silent, JWY spoke up - weary in his voice. "I was with you that night at Guanyin Temple."

LXC stiffened.

"I remember every moment of that cursed night. Every word that was uttered, every sliver of scent and every beat of emotion. That night I was brought to my knees with the revelation that my core wasn't mine and JGY choked JL with a wire - some uncle that he was."

LXC frowned deeper. He didn't know where JWY was going with this. And his heart ached a phantom pain of long-forgotten heartache at the mention of JGY.

"I also witnessed the depth your feeling towards JGY that night," JWY said.

LXC was confused. "He was my sworn-brother-"

"Not like that!" JWY snapped. "When JGY dragged you towards the coffin, you were ready to go with him, Zewu-Jun. Your body went lack; you've stopped resisting. You wanted to die with him!"

LXC's eyes went wide and he was stunned into silence.

JWY's lips quirked into mirthless smile; he was resigned. "I grew up with a father in live with another woman; and with a mother pining after her husband who couldn't love her. I grew up begging for a father's affection."

"Zewu-Jun, I knew what it felt to be fed with scraps of love. It's just a long, perpetual hunger within that eats you alive. Just as I refused to allow Jin Ling to feel like I did, I also won't allow myself to ever feel like that again."

LXC's heart thundered, shaking his head.

But JWY retreated further and further away. Apparently, he had made up his mind about LXC's heart after witnessing a mere few moments between him and JGY.

"Go back, Zewu-Jun," JWY said quietly. "Whatever I feel for you is my own to bear. I will not be anyone's replacement."

JWY had years to convince himself that LXC was in love with JGY, no matter how untrue it was. LXC knew he had to concede for today.

So, he nodded his head and flew back to CR. He needed to think, because he'd be damned if he lost any chance with JWY because of a ghost of JGY.

The man had taken so much from him and LXC wouldn't allow JWY to be the next on the list. Not when JWY loved him back.

Three days later, LXC sent another missive to JWY, together with a box wrapped in silk cloth. This time, he was the one who delivered them.

It didn't take long for JWY to come out stomping his feet (how magnificent JWY look in his righteous anger - amythest eyes ablazed, cheeks red), waving the letter in his hand.

"Zewu-Jun!" JWY snarled. "What's the meaning of this?!"

LXC smiled brightly. "Jiang Wanyin, I've rectified my mistake in my previous missive."

"No, you didn't!" JWY shoved the paper to LXC's chest. "I told you that I wouldn't be anybody's replacement!"

"Can we go somewhere private, or would you like the whole courtyard to hear you?"

JWY snarled before walking back towards his office with LXC closely in tow.

As soon as the door was closed behind them, JWY turned around, arms across his chest in seld-protective manner and scowl on his face. "So, explain yourself."

LXC braced himself to begin explaining.

"I've never - not even a miniscule of a second, been in love with JGY." He saw JWY shook his head in denial before pleading. "Please, Wanyin, please hear me out this once."

JWY wanted to bolt out of this room; he didn't want to hear LXC refuting what he knew to be the truth.

But there was something in LXC's eyes that bolted him to the floor.

"Yes, I wanted to die with him that moment. That one, weakness moment of life, I wanted to die, because I couldn't bear the guilt of being a partner-in-crime, not matter how unwittingly, in Da-ge's death."

"He was my sworn brother, Wanyin. His deeds were my responsibility for I failed to lead him towards the right path. At that moment, I thought that if I died with him, I could somehow be absolved. The moment that you witnessed, was not because of love, but because of guilt."

"For years, I bear the weight of that guilt. Eventually, in the seclusion, I came to realisation that the guilt was not mine. JGY should be the one who bears it because it was his doing. My failure to advise him was not my cross to bear. In the end, everything was his choice."

"The day I walked out from seclusion was the day I left JGY behind in the past, where he should be all along." LXC smiled gently as he raised his hand to touch JWY's cheek. "And then, against all my expectations, I saw you in all of your glory."

"I saw the strength despite the pain, the softness behind the harshness and I saw the will to persevere. You taught me that and through all the lessons, I have fallen in love with you."

JWY raised his eyes, full of doubts. Years of conviction was hard to be undone.

"There has never been anyone before you, Wanyin. My heart has never felt like this. It quickens at the sight of you, it aches when you go away, it yearns for each second we spent apart."

JWY remained silent.

LXC closed the distance, hope flared when JWY didn't back away.

"I know how you've been burned in the past. Trust comes hard by you. Therefore, instead of marriage proposal, I came here with a request to court you. Please give me a chance to prove my words to you."

"A courtship. You send a request to court me," JWY raised the letter.

"And a three-month courtship period," LXC added. "I will prove to you that my heart was not torn half toward somebody else. I will prove to you that what we have is nothing like what our parents had."

LXC raised both hands to cradle JWY's face, tilting it upwards to face him.

"My heart, *my Wanyin*, I may have your heart, but please grant me a chance to win your trust."

JWY swallowed hard, indecisiveness darkened inside him. But despite everything, JWY still wanted to try. He still wanted to *trust*.

What he saw that night at the temple would be difficult to forget. What he had long believed would be hard to undo.

But LXC had never lied to him.

Maybe this time, he could learn to trust.

#xicheng
#theGIFmakesmeSAD
#LanXiChen #JiangCheng