Best self care I ever found was booking into CBT and learning the skill of self-compassion. That cost me money, but you can find many of the same exercises that transformed my thinking in Google for free, no therapist required. My inner bootcamp bully has never been quieter.
I use the word "skill" deliberately. We're programmed to believe we're not enough, and not doing enough to compensate for that. It takes support and effort to reprogram yourself.
But it can be done, even from a place where you truly believe you deserve no compassion at all.
I think some of you noticed that thinking when I was with AniFem. One even emailed me specifically to say I was being unhealthily hard on myself. I was touched, but insisted I was just holding myself accountable to objectively reasonable standards I consistently failed to meet!🤦🏽♀️
I can't remember who emailed me, only that they sent a follow-up shortly after saying "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have emailed, it's none of my business." I don't remember if I replied, but I was never upset, only moved (and deluded! 😂). It still means a lot to me that they cared.
(If you're that person and somehow reading this, DM me! I hope I emailed back at the time, but either way I'd still like to thank you now.)
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