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Sep 18, 2020, 31 tweets

A team of James Milners in the Championship - a thread.

WARNING: I have a face pack loaded which has given all the James Milner's random faces. It's hilarious.

So here we go... what a squad. The rest of the league will be trembling. Pretty sure we'll meet any homegrown quota as well.

It's already clear that the team is strongest down the middle. But the lack of red squares considering its one player is quite incredible.

We have the best midfield in the league. That much is clear

But wait... you can't have a team without a manager...

You're damn right you can't. That's why the team have hired a 49 year old James Milner to lead them to victory. We're ready to go

Here's an example of the facepack on one of the James Milner's... lmao

Versatile United breeze through the friendlies, winning all without conceding a goal. If you've played FM before though, you'll know this means absolutely nothing

First game of the season. Well, its the James Milner show. He scores twice, gets booked four times and gets injured. You'd hate to have him in your fantasy football wouldn't you

Before we continue with the season, the social feed is absolutely incredible

Mate, hate to break it to you, but theyre all exactly the same level

😂😂😂😂

Mate THIS IS James Milner FC

Anyway, on with the season...

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. In the 3rd round of the League Cup they get Liverpool. All 11 players have a point to prove against their old club and they manage to win!!! I guess penalty shootouts are much easier when you have a team of James Milners

Half way through the season and Milner F.C are looking good for promotion. One of the James' has the highest average rating. The only problem is the goalkeeper. Milner's versatility only goes so far. He is NOT a goalkeeper

After beating Liverpool, Wolves was a step too far. As you can see though, none of this is really the attack or midfields fault

In the second half of the season things start to tail off. Leeds fall out of the automatics and drift toward 7th. However, Milner will be pleased with how versatile the fans opinion on him his

Three games to go, and the team is just outside the playoffs. They've had a big collapse which could be explained by the fact that the average age of the squad is 35

BUT THERE IS STILL HOPE. With two games to go they jump back into one of the playoff spots. Come on lads, there's enough leaders in the dressing room to drag yourselves over the line surely

One game to go. All they need is a draw to get into the playoffs. If ever there was a time to be boring James

I can't believe it. All you had to do was get a point against Charlton. CHARLTON. In the least boring way possible, the team crashes out of the playoffs on the final day😭maybe I shouldn't have picked Leeds as the team I put all of them in...

So after a great start to the season, James Milner F.C crashed and burned. Let's have a look at the stats to see where it all went wrong (because it definitely wasn't fitness levels)

First of all, things you love to see

I assume they have more possession because other teams just aren't fit enough to keep up

Here we see the problem. A team of Milners can score goals for fun... amazingly. But at the other end... yikes

They also dominate the average ratings table... basically if they had a goalkeeper of any sort of ability, they would have won the league (I laugh everytime I see one of their faces)

So...which positions was James Milner best and worst in? It turns out he's best as a striker (what) and centre mid (obviously). He's worst as a centre back (although, manager James Milner decided to play both centre backs as Libero's.....so that explains that)

FINALLY...I've got a bone to pick. James Milner got player of the year and top goalscorer....and six out of the highest 10 average rated players were James Milners.... so why are NONE of them in the team of the year. Disgusting anti-James bias

So there we go... hope you enjoyed this ridiculous thread. I often question what I'm doing with my life

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