Here it comes,
episode 2 of
A PARISIAN
reviews
EMILY IN PARIS
a show which is slowly sucking my life energy, a vampire-show, a dark night-creature show which feeds on our souls
Emily goes for a job in the jardin du Luxembourg. She is still within the safe circle of episode 1.
The joke about the 4th floor being the 5th, which was never funny, is flogged again: Emily gets hit on by her hot neighbour.
Emily does not know what flirting is because flirting does not exist in America. Emily does not know how to fuck because the French have invented fucking. She has so much to learn
At work, Emily has a dramatic moment:
She says, unlike these cool French people,
'I'm from the outside looking in'
We believe this! Emily has suffered! Not only is she rich, white, dripping in Swarovski cristals of privilege, but also: she has not struggled onscreen once!
Emily goes to a party wearing a big black dress. The Eiffel Tower is in the background DRINK
yet another man flirts with Emily and by this point I must say we have to pull over for a second and let me rant:
By this point, a half-dozen men have flirted with Emily in Paris. Why? Why do they find her irresistible? Because she is wise, confident, or sexy?
NO Emily is a vehicle of boredom. Emily in Paris is not a bad show about Paris, it's a bad show about American women
Emily lives in an imaginary world where a 24 year old has never taken nudes or heard of cheating, in spite of the overwhelming evidence that this is 80% of contemporary American culture.
Emily gets unwarranted attention despite being non-sexual, and as a gay man, I resent this.
Ok let's proceed. Back at work, Emily types wistfully into a laptop while words pop up in the screen. This is a bold visual technique we have never seen before.
Emily finds grammatical gender confusing in French: vagina is a masculine word! (fun fact: 'dick' is feminine).
She tweets: THE VAGINA IS NOT MASCULINE this is an unlikely social media hit (Emily is young, her pussy is tight and she's good at social media!). Brigitte Macron RT!
FACTCHECK: this is not only unrealistic, it makes no sense. Languages have unique features. Those are not funny to the speakers of this language because that is how they communicate. Emily would not understand a joke about English because she cannot name a single tense in English
There is nothing particularly weird in French about the word 'vagin' being masculine: it just is. That doesn't make the word sound like a man. It's just grammar.
But Emily is not here to learn, she continues on her single-handed mission to evangelise the gospel of True Capital
Emily breaks up with her boyfriend. I feel nothing.
She screams into the phone:
'This city is filled with romance and light and passion and sex'
It's not. It's just a city. Just a place. Quite boring at times. Full of people.
Goodnight y'all
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