Thread by @JBRylah

Men in horror movies are always like wow, a sexy lady just emerged from the woods/bog/cave/lake etc. and wants to kiss me? Nothing suspicious about this!

For example, I just read a comic where a dude has sex with a woman who just happens to be in a spooky cave. Okay. Today, I had a movie on where a man who is already trapped in a haunted escape room just goes with it when a woman crawls out of a lake and starts groping him.

It...isn't going well for them.

This woman just emerged from this lake, slowly rising from the crown of her head. She said nothing. No explanation for why she's there or, more importantly, why there is A MEADOW WITH A LAKE inside AN ESCAPE ROOM in A SMALL TOWN. This guy is just like, 'cool.'

Jonathan Harker: "This is fine."

If you liked this tweet, here's a short horror story from me to you about a very similar topic: reddit.com/r/nosleep/comm…

Species: Dude walks into his hotel room to find a woman there, who claims she stole the key to his room because she saw him in the lobby and thought he was hot. HE FINDS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS SCENARIO. SPOILER: HE DIES.

In the Gecko brothers' defense, while many things should have seemed odd about the Titty Twister, I get it.

Hello, sexy lady in an alley. What could go wrong? Certainly, you wouldn't turn me into a vampire.

Men who are responding to this to tell me how boners work: I am an adult woman. I've had to deal with your intrusive boners my whole life. Save it for a succubus emerging from a foggy marsh!

She's never expressed an interest in me before but I guess now is the time to follow her to an abandoned house even though she's acting suuuuper weird.

Did the doctor ressurrect Julia Cotton without any skin by sacrificing a patient to a bloody mattress? Yes. Does she need to eat people to grow flesh? Yes. Will he follow her to Hell anyhow? ....yes.

Look, I am not impervious to this. These two invite me to dinner, I'm done.

Now seems like a good time to give a shout-out to Neil Howie of Wicker Man, who should have had sex, but didn't.

Okay, listen, yes, I'm dead here also. Sorry, can't resist a throuple.

Laurie from Trick r Treat with the reverse psychology. Good for her.

Just two ordinary teens you should definitely invite into your home while your wife and kids are out of town.

Just an ordinary teacher who is inexplicably interested in teenage virgin boys and definitely not a praying mantis monster.

Something is off here, but I guess she should be my bride!

Okay, I'm back, let's do more sexy monsters. Which, really, how much time do you have? Many cultures have a cautionary tale sexy monster who will seduce you and eat you, often to serve as a deterrent from abandoning your duties or being horny.

The baobhan sith gets you when you have horny thoughts. The patasola gets you in the wilderness. The sayona gets cheaters. A lot of sexy monsters are just hungry.
The folklore is to try to encourage you to NOT be seduced by a sexy monster, but as many of you have shown...

YOU ARE HORNY FOR MONSTERS.

Here's Jim Carrey, about to make a big mistake from which, ironically, only sex can save him.

Oops, I died again.

A beautiful woman wants to go home with you from a bar. Chances are she's probably not a many-tailed fox monster who feeds on horny dudes, right? I mean, the odds...

I didn't initially include this one because someone else mentioned it right away, but for the sake of thread: JACK, WHY WOULD A RANDOM NUDE WOMAN WHO WANTS TO KISS YOU BE IN THIS HAUNTED BATHTUB?

I interrupt this thread to let you know that someone just DMed me to ask for feet pics. I assume it's to confirm I am not a patasola.

It Follows is one of my favorite horror movies. In which three men on a boat have sex with a random woman who appears, who couldn't possibly be transferring a demonic STD to them to buy herself more time.

Drusilla just had to recite Spike's own poem back to him and he's like, 'yeah, turn me!' Anyhow, these three are why I can't resist monster throuples. I mean, could you? COULD YOU?

The Mortuary Collection has a subversive little tale about this woman, whose victim gets what he deserves. I don't see this anthology film talked about much, but I think it's cool.

Does the Love Witch have magical powers, or are men just unable to handle her charms?! Why not go to a random Ren Faire about it?

Okay, so some of you want to talk about Splice. This one doesn’t even make sense because the sexy monster is… basically his daughter he grew in his lab who has a tail with a stinger and wings. Also, he's married. To her mother. And yet...

I admittedly did not finish The Girl on the Third Floor cuz I was so annoyed this man cheated on his wife with what I presume is a ghost. Does it go poorly for him?

I just really like this movie, actually.

My favorite part about this silly thread blowing up is dudes who are legit mad at me in my DMs. I didn't say you couldn't kiss a sexy monster! Maybe it'll work out for you, like it did for Hoyt in True Blood.

Okay, for context:

Obviously, many vampires have "thrall," & one of my favorite spins on this is when Giles meets the Brides in the Dracula ep of Buffy.
The 1992 film takes a lot about of liberties and adds a lot of sex. Mina's Dracula's love from his human life, for ex. Solid soundtrack, tho.

Obviously, this also isn't saying that men in real life are all poor decision makers. It's merely pointing out a genre trope filmmakers have repeatedly used in increasingly ridiculous ways.

Also, I didn't ask for this thread to trend! I just wanted to talk about fun, sexy monsters. Now please tell me your favorite sexy monster. I think mine is Akasha from Queen of the Damned, but I may change my mind several times.

Okay, just to clarify, Harker encounters the Brides twice. The first time, in the pages above, he wants them to kiss him and yes, I'm sure part of that is their inherent sexy vampire abilities. The SECOND time, he's miserable.

This entire film is on YouTube. The first encounter is at the 32:00 mark. Please note, there are boobs.

I fell off 'American Gods' after Bryan Fuller left, but for a sexy goddess (as opposed to monster) who consumes worshippers with her vagina, here's Bilquis.

I'm not sure how people are getting through this entire thread and thinking I'm a heterosexual woman when Gillian Anderson killed me so early on.
We have all died here. This is Purgatory.

Got a lot of DMs asking for a list of the films so here ya go: No Escape Room, Dracula, Species (no images for this one), From Dusk Til Dawn, Buffy (the show), Jennifer’s Body, Hellraiser II, Hannibal (the show), Wicker Man, Only Lovers Left Alive, Trick R Treat, Knock Knock...

Buffy, Audition, Once Bitten, The Hunger, Lovecraft Country (TV), The Shining, It Follows, Buffy, The Mortuary Collection, The Love Witch, Spice, The Girl on the Third Floor, A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night, True Blood, Queen of the Damned, American Gods (TV).

*Splice, sorry. But I would now like a horny monster Spice Girls film, thank you.