Thread by @wakehamAMR

Someone/something killed Miss Millie today.

She was my everything.

She was my last remaining connection to this world.

I don’t know how I will continue without her.

Hold your fur babies tonight.

#DogsOfTwitter
#RainbowBridge
#AdoptDontShop

I still haven’t been able to see her body.

Have to wait around 15 more hours until I can.

Apparently it was a blood bath. Millie was so good natured she wouldn’t have tried to defend herself.

I will be ordering a post-mortem.

For now I will drink.

#inconsolable

Playing fetch was her favourite thing to do, apart from snuggling with me.

I am a wretched mess at the moment. Tears have all but dried up.

I hate the thought of her horrific last moments. I feel so sick at the thought of her pain.

It should have been me.

What a time to have run out of #SSRIs 😫

I probably should have checked what time they opened. I thought it was 08:30, it’s actually 10:00

At least gives me time to work on my puffy red tear-stained face.

They wouldn’t let me see the body.

In fact they wouldn’t even return her collar and tag as is was “too confronting”.

I held and cried over her remains stuffed in a body bag fur as long as they would let me.

Now to drive ~50km to organise a necropsy.

Don’t get me wrong I understand and appreciate why they said this.

Sadly I have seen way too much in my career and the mind is racing.

At least they didn’t wait to contact me to verify identify before putting her to sleep.

I am grateful that they ended her suffering.

I truly appreciate the messages of support.

In my grief addled state I can barely provide updates.

In time I shall respond. Everything is just too much right now.

Thank you 🙏

Most nights when I returned home Millie would jump up into my arms.

Sometimes it would take two jumps.

It should have been me to have been killed. She did not deserve such a fate.

She was so full of love and life.

I don’t know how to go on without her.

#DogsOfTwitter

Try as I might, I can’t get drunk.

I can’t stop feeling all this pain, anguish and despair.

You truly were my everything baby girl.

I’m so sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me most.

It was absolutely love at first sight when I met you Millie.

I promised there and then to love and protect you for always.

I am so so sorry I was unable to do that.

You were my raison d'être.

All I want is to hold you close again, to pet your fur and play with your ears.

Millie was so sweet and gentle with my cats, even the crazy Derek @RussianRescue.

I have taken time off work until Thursday, but I’m not sure that will be sufficient.

I guess I have no choice, her necropsy was around $820 and her cremation will be around $600.

How does one even go on? I can’t imagine life without my little Princess.

Still no word on the necropsy, not that I believe it will bring any closure.

I still want to know. I still need to know.

I feel as though I am suffocating.

Millie was the best #LittleSpoon you could ask fur.

My insomnia was fairly bad before, now it’s on another level.

Thankfully I am physically exhausted each night from sobbing all day.

I will always love you my little princess ❤️❤️❤️

That time Millie had trouble making friends.

She could always rely on me though. Except fur the time she couldn’t.

You were the best dog, my best friend and such a loving girl.

Unfortunately I have to return to real life tomorrow. Here’s hoping I don’t break down at work.

Millie got her chance to ignore a dog.

Here she is playing with her best deaf friend after completing her advanced level III training.

As she trained with her friend Millie also learned sign language.

I don’t want to let you go my love.

Millie followed up her training with the Delta Good Canine Citizen Exam.

They were running late and Millie had to stay quiet in the car whilst the previous dog was tested.

Despite that frustration she blitzed the exam and was justly rewarded.

#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter

My first day back at work started quite badly.

A colleague had decided to name a piece of machinery “Millie”.

As you can imagine I had to run away. Thankfully I was given different tasks & was able to keep myself together.

Should have taken more leave, but paying bills etc

Mr Kitty is enjoying being “top dog” again.

He may pretend, but I know he misses Millie.

We all do, we all miss her 💔

#TuxedoCat
#KittehBlep
#AdoptDontShop

Seeing her everywhere.

On the way into work there was a large crumpled plastic sheet on the side of the road.

At first I saw her doing a back scratch.

It then turned into a mangled, mauled bleeding corpse.

I’m so so sorry my baby girl.

Devastatingly appropriate song in background.

Watching Les Misérables during a nasty scary #BNEStorm.

Oh my Millie, my Millie forgive me
That I live and you are gone
There's a grief that can't be spoken
There's a pain goes on and on 💔

#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter

Millie was such a beautiful, friendly and loving girl.

The scariest she had been was when pretending to be the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

She did not deserve what happened to her. She had excellent manners and not a mean bone on her body.

#DogsOfTwitter

In fact the most you ever had to fear from Millie was her penchant for taking mud baths.

She would try to convert any doggos within distance.

My only frustration was when she’d climb on to fresh linen before I had a chance to dry her!

#MuddyDog
#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter

Miss Millie “If I fits, I sits”: a collection.

My dear sweet angel, words cannot adequately express how I miss you.

The void you left seems to get larger by the day. At least you are no longer suffering.

#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter
#AdoptDontShop

When we first moved to Queensland, Millie loved our semi-rural property.

Complete with cows and some horses on the neighbouring property, she had lots of play mates.

Her favourite was the dam, especially if there were ducks to chase 🦆 🏊‍♂️

#RainbowBridge
#AdoptDontShop

Safe to say I think Millie liked her new home.

Such a beautiful happy girl.

She drew smiles from anyone she met.

Millie I can only hope you are in a better place. I will always love you baby girl.

#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter

SMS from agency suggesting I take more time off work- they’ll sort it out with employer.

That’s great, but as you have me on a casual contract how do I survive? How do I pay rent and feed the other four at home?

Here’s Millie doing her #Snoopy impression.

#DogsOfTwitter

It turns out, I am still not coping.

Ended up taking up the offer and will be on leave fur the rest of the week.

Hopefully I can get it together by then.

I miss her so very much. She was my everything. She was my angel, my baby girl.

#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter

It was Millie that made me smile and stopped me turning gray.

She was everything that was good in the world. She meant more to me than most people would know.

Losing her is losing a part of myself. L. Frank Baum knew what he was talking about.

#DogsOfTwitter
#TheWizardOfOz

Anytime I go to talk to one of my other fur-babies I call them Millie, or one of her pet names.

Realising my mistake it feels like a hot knife twisting in my heart.

No one could ever replace you my baby girl. I will always love you.

#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter

Self control? Miss Millie had it in spades.

Far better control than I have when it comes to cheese 🧀!

Who would ever want to harm my clever baby girl? It makes no sense.

#DogsOfTwitter
#RainbowBridge
#AdoptDontShop

Millie and I were virtually inseparable.

We were always there for each other. We completed each other.

A very big piece of me is missing. I do not know how long my grief will take to resolve.

Or if it will ever resolve.

#RaindbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter
#AdoptDontShop

Millie loved going fur car rides.

She loved the wind in her fur, unless we went >80

On very long trips, or after the vet, I would get her a Macca’s 🍦 soft serve.

The joy it gave to her and the public watching me feed it to her made very special moments.

#DogsOfTwitter

Had an interview for a promotion today. One of the interviewers knew I was off work grieving.

Like Millie I was dressed to impress, however I feel I avoided eye contact during 😫

Unlike her #necropsy results, I should know the decision on Monday.

#DogsOfTwitter

Millie, like me, had a tendency to be anal.

There were, on occasions only one way to do things. And dammed if we were going to have anyone else tell us otherwise.

#DogsOfTwitter
#RainbowBridge
#AdoptDontShop

Millie loved sniffing, exploring and learning new things. This was a huge reward for her.

So it was only natural to book us in a gunpowder scent detection course with @abrantesroger

Being the brilliant girl she was she passed the double blind test in two days!

#DogsOfTwitter

Unfortunately, today has not been a good day. I almost broke down in the supermarket waiting to get served.

The customer in front was talking about her dog and I could feel my heart being ripped to shreds.

Granted my #ABI was also flaring up...

I only hope I am much stronger for work tomorrow.

Off to finish a load of laundry, wishing my baby girl was still here to keep it warm.

I love you so very much Millie. Please watch over me, I can’t do this alone.

#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter
#AdoptDontShop

I may have adopted you, but you rescued me dear Millie.

Dried tears are plastered on my face, as I try to #bake the pain away.

Four trays of triple choc molten brownies, one tray salted caramel brownies and a sugar “free” double choc and walnut

#RainbowBridge
#AdoptDontShop

3:30 in the morning, still can’t sleep.

Good thing they cancelled all our shifts.

Can’t get an appointment with either my psychiatrist or psychologist. It’s so hard doing this all on my own.

Millie you were my soulmate and I just can’t stop grieving.

#PTSD
#DogsOfTwitter

That time I found her taking my jeans from the laundry to put on her bed to sleep.

Millie was never “just a dog”. She was an integral part of me, my life and our routine.

She was my sole source of unconditional love, security and comfort.

#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter

Besides your pool, the sandpit was the best thing I built for you.

You used to love digging in the sand and mangroves at Middle Beach SA.

Of course playing fetch and chasing seagulls were top of the list.

When I get your ashes, I shall scatter them there.

#DogsOfTwitter

Millie was so brave when the loud scary gardener came.

Despite the noise she stayed in her sand pit until he had left.

We had a wonderful game of fetch and a long walk afterwards.

Just one of the times I was so very proud of you.

#DogTraining
#RainbowBridge
#AdoptDontShop

First time with a tunnel. Such a clever girl.

I see you everywhere Millie. From similar looking dogs, scents and even the weather.

It still haunts me that you were left to die and spent >6 hours alone, scared and in indescribable pain.

#DogsOfTwitter
#RainbowBridge

Occasionally, if she felt hard done by, Millie would invite herself to join the cats’ games.

So soft and gentle she was. A true princess.

We all miss you my dear Millie. I miss the brightness of your smile and the warmth of your ❤️

#CaturdayEve
#DogsOfTwitter
#RainbowBridge

If Millie wasn’t spooning with me or sleeping with the cats...

...you could find her in a variety of weird positions. So long as you were comfortable my love.

#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter
#AdoptDontShop

A few more.

Her obvious love of fresh laundry not withstanding, her posture showing how safe and secure she felt.

I have hundreds more of such photos. It kills me as they are like a monument, mocking my failure to protect her.

I’m so so sorry my baby girl.

#RainbowBridge

Was I wrong to teach her to look after herself.

If she was more dependent on me, could we have avoided her horrible end?

I love you more than words can say dear Millie.

Hopefully necropsy report will come this week.

#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter
#AdoptDontShop

Crematorium rang this morning. Whilst I was expecting it, I’m not sure I am quite prepared for it.

Thankfully I have an appointment with the dentist... so that’s a distraction.

Millie was so brave getting her canine extracted.

#DogsOfTwitter
#RainbowBridge
#AdoptDontShop

Dental hygienist had no anaesthetic, so full four quadrant under gum 90 min session was delightful.

Crematorium hasn’t yet received Millie’s body. It is on the way from the vets.

So still unclear if we can capture a paw print 🐾

#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter
#AdoptDontShop

This time last year.

Winter nights will never be the same again without my Millie and other furbabies.

The pain is still so great with you not here baby girl.

#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter
#AdoptDontShop

My dear Millie

You were my favourite hello and my hardest goodbye.

I hope I can get the answers I seek and the closure I need this week.

Moreover I hope that they can still obtain a paw print 🐾 from you.

The ones you left on my heart will last furever.

❤️❤️ you

I spent so much time just watching you sleep Millie.

The @hussyhicks captured my feels in their song #SilenceCreeping

“Where I used to hear you breathing now it’s only my own weeping

In the stillness of the night I’m huddled like a child and I’m grieving”

#RainbowBridge

Just confirmed the artwork for the inscription on her casket.

Also missed call regarding her necropsy. Tomorrow is going to be a really tough day.

Add to that it will be my final shift with my team at work as I head to a new role.

#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter

Just missed the vet who did her necropsy.

The one advantage of being put in self isolation, is that I can “self-medicate” after I get the news.

Still not ready but have no choice but to be strong.

#COVID19Aus
#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter

Just spoke to the vet. They have said it looks like it was a high speed hit and run.

Confusing considering everything I was told previously.

Unfortunately I’ve had very personal experience with hit and run drivers in the past. Let’s never meet.

#RainbowBridge

Damn I miss this sight.

I miss having you on my bed.

I miss snuggling you until I fell asleep.

I miss giving you belly rubs and ear scritches.

Most of all I miss you, my dear sweet Millie.

#RainbowBridge
#AdoptDontShop
#DogsofTwittter

Your remains will arrive to me Friday afternoon.

I am still not ready to let you go. I have however made all of the necessary arrangements.

I will take you back to your favourite place.

May you run free, happy and safe on #RainbowBridge.

I love you so much dear Millie.

Car rental prices these days!

I may not get you to your favourite place in the normal style, but I will get you there baby.

You were my everything. You will be honoured. You will be remembered.

I’ll try to keep going, though I want to plunge into darkness.

#RainbowBridge

Admittedly it took you a little longer than expected not to drink the salt water…

But the way you would always check in with me if it was ok to play with strangers ❤️❤️❤️

And your insistence people came to you to play👸

Run free #RainbowBridge

#DogsOfTwitter

Having horrid dreams of your fatal high speed hit and run.

Constantly thinking of all those micro-decisions that would have lead to a different outcome.

Physically in exceptional pain, with searing abdominal pain unable to stand.

I miss you so much Millie.

#RainbowBridge

Your necropsy report still hasn’t arrived. Which is probably good as I am still struggling to find a reason to continue.

Life has lost it’s meaning without you. I wish I was better, I wish I could celebrate your life with the joy you lived it.

#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter

Millie is finally home again.

Sadly they were unable to recover a paw print 🐾

Need to print off a photo fur her casket. If there was one that spoke to you in this thread, please let me know.

Next week I will head down to Adelaide to scatter her ashes.

#RainbowBridge

The necklace with the heart and paw prints, contains a token amount of Millie’s ashes.

Due to my beard you would never know I am wearing it. I can assure you, I am.

Run free, my dear sweet Millie, run free.

#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter
#AdoptDontShop

When Daddy and Charlie got busted checking in on the girls.

Apologies for the orientation.

Millie you were by far the most beautiful and happiest of dogs.

I still don’t know how I’ll go on, but please look over me whilst I figure it out.

#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter

The OK Dad, I’ve posed for the photos, now can we play?

I hope that you get to play fetch all the time on #RainbowBridge Millie.

You deserve nothing but the best. You were far better than I ever deserved. Love you my sweet girl.

#DogsOfTwitter
#AdoptDontShop

Lazy Sundays were always the best with you Millie.

Now I don’t go out. It’s so hard living without you.

I passed your tennis ball 🎾 today, and couldn’t stop the tears.

#HitAndRun
#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter

On cold winter nights like tonight, Millie would sleep under the covers with her Daddy.

She couldn’t have been more pawfect if she tried.

You were my whole world baby girl. I love you. I miss you.

#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter
#LivingWithDogs

Millie on her very first @RSPCA #MillionPawsWalk

That look of love and devotion from my baby girl melts my heart every time.

Run free on #RainbowBridge knowing that I will always love you.

#DogsOfTwitter

Went down to Gatton after work to personally request #necropsy report.

Was again reminded just how confronting it is. Still have not dared to read it.

Spoke to inspector at @RSPCAQld who used to do my area.

Little to no chance to get justice. So here is a cute pic of Millie

CW

Fuck.

They were right.

I shouldn’t have read the necropsy report.

Extreme Trauma is an understatement.

How she even survived that long afterwards is a mystery.

#HitAndRun
#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter

For the record I can understand why they didn’t think it was a MVA initially.

As per previous conversations I’ve started a fundraiser.

As I am novice to this sort of endeavour, feedback of site would be appreciated. Donations even more so. TIA ❤️❤️❤️

I'm raising money for Remembering and Justice for Millie.. Click to Donate gofund.me/fe8f0060

Not long now until I take you back to where it all began fur us.

I am trying really hard to keep it together. To celebrate your life and not keep focusing on your cruel demise.

Know that I will never ever forget you.

#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter
#AdoptDontShop

Back to Millie’s favourite beach.

The tide is out.

It is cold, not chilly.

Dark storm clouds amass in the distance

Jasmine was her farewell scent.

She would have loved so many swans to say hello to.

RIP baby girl.

#GoodbyeMillie
#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter

A lone airplane circles, moaning overhead,

The sound from the sky, a cry “She is dead”

CW

What makes me shake and ugly cry is that she held on to say goodbye to me.

Miraculously she made it back home, only to wait >6 hours to be collected and PTS without me.

This version of events has been significantly sanitised.

#RainbowBridge
#JusticeForMillie

CW

Necropsy report comment reads:

“Postmortem examination revealed massive blunt force trauma resulting in extensive wounds, including abdominal evisceration, complete fracture of the vertebral column and severing of the spinal cord, ruptured diaphragm, pneumothorax…”

1/2

CW

“…and fractured ribs. Haemorrhage was present in multiple organs and cavities, and on histopathology. Given the severity of the trauma, euthanises was the only humane option in this case, and it was surprising the dog was even alive at the time of presentation to RSPCA” 2/2

If this has at all moved you, please donate to my fundraising effort to remember her and to find justice.

Also could you please RT so at the very least this doesn’t happen to another beloved fur baby.



#RainbowBridge
#JusticeForMillie
#DogsOfTwittergofund.me/564ed25c

Back home. Walked past one of her tennis balls 🎾 the last one, in fact, that she played with.

The size of the ball did not matter to her. She loved any and all balls.

Please enjoy her having fun in the yard, doing what she did best.

#Fetch
#DogsOfTwitter
#AdoptDontShop

iPhone photo memories are killing me tonight.

On the plus side I finally have an appointment with a counsellor who specialises in trauma, grief and loss.

I’ll never forget or stop loving you my Princess. You were my everything ❤️🐾❤️

#RainbowBridge
#MentalHealthMatters

Millie inspecting the lawn after I started mowing.

Had to stop for a rest, but think she was happy with the progress.

These moments still bring such tears. She was such an amazing girl.

Thank you fur letting me know a love so pure & strong.

#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter

Millie had her own way of telling me that there’s a storm coming.

Had my first counselling session today through EAP thanks to @RSPCAQld

I’m still ugly crying but hopefully I can be as happy as you were baby girl.

#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter
#JusticeForMillie

That leap though…

Sorry about the heavy breathing.

I feel so lonely not having you girls by my side anymore. I am so sorry baby girl that I wasn’t there when you needed me.

RIP

#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter
#JusticeForMillie

Whoops. That was the wrong video. Sorry - it’s still adorable though.

Guilt is still too much.

Fallen into old habits and have blade shaved head 🪒 for punishment.

I am so so sorry I was not there fur you when you needed me most.

Love you more than mere words can convey. Run free on Rainbowbridge baby girl.

#JusticeForMillie
#AdoptDontShop

I don’t think you should practice tonight Dad…

Never fear sweet Millie, you no longer have to suffer my trumpet practice again.

I hope you are happy and free of pain now my angel.

#DogsofTwittter
#RainbowBridge
#JusticeForMillie

That time dad caved and let you finish his dinner.

Today I am exhausted. I feel hollow. A husk of my former self without you.

In fact it is weird that I feel anything at all today. As if that sensation is a complete novelty.

#RainbowBridge
#JusticeForMillie
#DogsOfTwitter

Millie was a gentle, caring teacher when it came to dealing with the excitable and anxious Missy.

She made her feel welcome and often overlooked Missy’s occasional faux pas.

Such a beautiful loving soul you were baby girl.

#RainbowBridge
#JusticeForMillie
#DogsOfTwitter

Just sent off an inquiry to potential tattooist for Millie’s commemorative ash infused tattoo.

I think I have narrowed down my choice to the following four photos.

Please find below a poll to help me in my decision.

#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter
#JusticeForMillie

As per previous tweet, planning on using Millie’s ashes mixed in tattoo ink for commemorative piece.

Which is your favourite?

It just exploded Dad!

Tattooist said no regarding using ink with her ashes.

Have suggested @CremationInk 🤞🏻that’ll be acceptable.

2nd session with grief counsellor today, still no revelations but good to get it out.

#DogsOfTwitter
#JusticeForMillie
#MentalHealthMatters

Spoke too soon. I have careened downhill into a deep, dark depression.

What’s worse is that I simply cannot cry. I have no more tears. That too haunts me.

Thank you again to all that donated. Whilst I didn’t get near my target, I’m amazed I did that well.

#JusticeForMillie

Really struggling today. Again. So nothing new.

I am well aware of the impact that social media has on the dilution of responsibility. Yet it still frustrates me.

It is unbearable not having you around Millie.

#JusticeForMillie
#AdoptDontShop
#BystanderEffect

Sorry. That’s all I can take. Time for bed.

I had, until recently, forgotten this article.

I know some people find it difficult to understand the equivalence of losing a pet to losing a family member.

theadvocate.com.au/story/6891090/…

When I cry, it is quiet, tearless

Almost comprehensively imperceptible

Just one more unanswered prayer

I stare straight past the wall

My stomach falls, my heart breaks

I close my eyes, but I do not sleep

I do not deserve rest.

#DogsOfTwitter
#JusticeForMillie

Lucked out again with second artist.

Have flipped the script and have made enquiries to the lab that mixes them.

Namely do they provide a COC/COA with the ink, and if they have clients in QLD.

Mood: perhaps with less defiance than the ewe.

“Anguish” by August Friedrich Schenck.

I am not sure I will e we be over your passing sweet Millie.

That time Millie cosplayed Bullseye from the book/musical Oliver!

She was the best dog/friend/companion ever.

Nothing will be able to fill the void that’s left.

#BullTerrier
#RainbowBridge
#DogsOfTwitter

Maybe it’s the “Diffusion of Responsibility”, maybe it’s the pandemic/lockdown fatigue.

Whatever it is, I can no longer deal.

Be good to yourselves and each other.

#JusticeForMillie
#NotBadBuddhists
#MentalHealthMatters

It wasn’t luck that Millie had the ideal 4/9 body condition score (BCS) when she passed.

There was constant monitoring of her weight, BCS and lifestyle, leading to dynamic changes in her diet etc.

This level 3 puzzle feeder was instrumental in her final days.

#DogsOfTwitter

Due to Missy’s occasional tendency to resource guard, I’d not fed Millie with a puzzle feeder fur some time.

It’s still incredible how quickly she worked it out.

I’ll never ever forget you Millie. You shall always have my heart.

#DogsOfTwitter
#JusticeForMillie
#AdoptDontShop

Someone let Missy out of my property today, whilst I was in the shower. Due to her anxiety she would not try to escape on her own.

I found her in neighbour's front garden.

She raced back in when I opened the gate.

As someone deliberately killed Millie I am very concerned.

I cannot see myself staying in this neighbourhood once my lease is up.

Heaven help those who try to harm my girl/s again.

Unfortunately, the link has not been working for some time. It appears it could be due to which country you are in?

Try the paypal link if you would still like to help

gofund.me
paypal.me/wakehamAMR

@threadreaderapp unroll