#T6
WHAT I'VE LEARNED ABOUT MARRIAGE AFTER 10 YEARS
My wife & I married right after college. That's us running through DT Charlotte
Our wedding and reception were so epic, folks still bring it up to this day
We got a chocolate fountain, I didn't get to even try it...
👇
2/
Every marriage is different, but here are things I've learned (from a guy's point of view)
In 10 years, we've had 3 kids (about to have a 4th), a miscarriage, lived in 3 states, and I quit my stable job to go out on my own.
These things may not apply to everyone fyi
👇
3/
1 - Never make an excuse, just admit you're wrong.
Today, my shower ran 15 min long which left Sam only 30 min to get ready for church.She's ticked
I was up w/ kids at 6:30a, so I could argue I allowed her to sleep in so I deserved it
Prepare for a bad day if you do that
4/
2 - She doesn't want big gestures. Just show her you think about her daily (w/o her asking)
Recognizing when she's struggling and doing something easy like bringing her water without asking (done daily) is better than flowers
5/
3 - A stay-at-home parent will always feel guilty about spending money
Sam watches our young kids during the day and it's a thankless job with $0 income.
Despite my assurances it's "our" money, she feels bad when she spends too much (as we all do)
6/
Something we're trying is we opened her a personal, individual account at a separate bank where we deposit money monthly.
It's her "guilt-free" spending money so she can feel ownership of some capital... because my words saying 'yours mine and ours' means nothing.
Empathy
7/
4 - Sex (usually) can make things better
After 4 kids, she will long for her college day body and wake up everyday worried you will not find her attractive.
Sex helps.
Stress and arguments will happen.
Sex helps.
When ice cream won't do it
Sex helps
8/
5 - (old advice) Listen don't solve
She doesn't want your help or your "hero" complex.
If she's upset that Wayfair sent two 125lb dressers because their site messed up... don't give advice on how to fix it.
Just say "They suck dear, you're right"
9/
6 - She comes before kids
Ever hear about folks getting divorced after kids grew up? Likely bc the parents invested more time & love into the kids than the marriage (& thought it was the right thing)
Kids would rather you stayed together than show up at the soccer game
10/
7 - You'll likely marry someone opposite to you, and that's good
We are pretty opposite on many things. She's more conservative, I'm more a risk-taker. She makes and keeps friends easily, I'm a bad friend. She thinks of other's first, I get tunnel vision.
This is good
11/
8 - If you can anticipate her needs, you'll win
This goes back to a prior point, if you can 'see into the future' where she will need your help, and you step up before she asks... you've won
(I am bad at this, most men are)
12/
9- You're not going to change them (very much)
It's very rare for someone to change a ton after marriage. All the 'pleasantries' go out the window.
But you likely haven't changed much either.
Key is adapting and accepting
13/
10 - A little 'thanks' goes a long way
Most lashing out usually comes from her feeling un-appreciated, not pursued, and/or overwhelmed.
Saying thanks for little things everyday (cooking dinner, doing laundry) helps with 33% of the stress
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