Thread by @Iron_Spike

Paintings of women who look extremely-not-thrilled about getting married: A thread

The Hesitant Fiancee, Auguste Toulmouche. A woman is congratulated on her big day by friends, as a younger girl, possibly a relation, tries on her tiara in the background, picturing her own future wedding.

The Reluctant Bride, John George Brown. The "This is fine" of bride paintings.

Before the Wedding, Firs Zhuravlev. The groom looks down in detached indifference, or maybe annoyance, as his pretty, young fiancee-of-convenience loses her shit at the prospect of marrying his musty ass.

Zhuravlev, BTW, was under government surveillance for paintings like this.

An Unequal Marriage, Vasily Pukirev. Another Russian painting critiquing financially-motivated forced marriages, another bride who looks like she's gonna throw up.

Goodbye, Papa, Vladimir Makovsky.

Are you sensing a theme?

Anyway, unlike most of these, this shows the bride and her father, not her new husband. The father appears particularly grateful and pleased.

Bet her got a good price for her.

An Interrupted Wedding, Vasily again.

Different painting, same critique of contemporary Russian wedding practices.

And let's end it with my personal favorite in the genre, William Hogarth's "Marriage A-la-Mode: 1, The Wedding Settlement."

Wanna deep dive this one.

Hogarth was a satirist who loved to heavy-handedly moralize in his work. "Marriage A la Mode" was a series of six paintings of the same subjects at different points in their relationship.

Basically a comic.

Yeah, I said it. Fight me.

Marriage A la Mode 1 is the deal being sealed, and this is the couple. The bride is in tears, holding the ring-on-a-hankie that signifies her betrothal.

The groom is a foppish, ridiculous dandy, who (we can assume from the black patches glued to his face) already has syphilis.

And here are the men securing the marriage. L to R:
- A wealthy merchant. All cash, no class, father of the groom.
- The lawyer.
- An architect, gazing lovingly at his employer's half-finished manor, whose funding has now been secured.
- The gouty lord who just sold his daughter.

The man comforting the bride-to-be, BTW, is another lawyer we later learn is named "Silvertongue."

Yeah, Hogarth did not excel at subtlety.

This is not his final appearance in this series.

For example? The Lord depicted is named, I kid you not, The Earl of Squander. Which makes it clear WHY he's selling off his daughter.

All he has left is his title after a lifetime of excess; here he is showing off his family tree (descended from a knight!) during negotiations.

And just in case you're trying to talk yourself into the possibility this marriage will be remotely pleasant?

In corner, by the bride and groom's feet: Two sad looking dogs, chained together by the neck.

You can see and read about the entire Marriage A-la-Mode series— and I strongly suggest you do, it's fukkin' DELIGHTFUL— here. I saw the originals when I was last in London, and it was a highlight of the trip. nationalgallery.org.uk/paintings/will…