Thread by @gbhorwood

you people out there in follower land who don't live in alberta have absolutely no idea how deeply weird it has gotten here. like, "i'm putting that in my screenplay" level weird.

you think portland's wreird? there's a guy here with an $84 bucket of water and piece of chalk yelling "pepper spray doesn't stop syphilis" and people are going "you should run for mayor!"

everybody in the province gets that joke, everybody in the rest of the country is going "what the absolute hell is *wrong* with you people?"

if you say "havin' the best summer ever?" to someone, there's a fifty-fifty chance they hit you. if you ask for a recommendation on a budget whisky, the room goes silent. or erupts into laughter. again: fifty-fifty.

the guy who runs the province? his nickname is 'bumbles'. that's the nickname is *friends* gave him. he went to war with a cartoon about bigfoot and lost. he lives in a place called the 'sky palace'.

i am not making any of this up.

bumbles has a 'war room'. it's some pasty white guys who collect government salaries to cyberbully teenagers and nurses. bumbles' best friend shot a horse. bumbles likes trucks. a lot. a disturbing amount.

bumbles wore a cowboy hat backwards for a photo op.

two days ago 'just give up' was trending in canada.

it was about alberta.

the woman in charge of schools here said six year-olds should memorize english kings so they can grow up to sell used cars. the man responsible for the status of women (no, really) declares who is anointed by god.

this is not a screenplay. this is all true.

you people need to stop following me for this. i'm 99% shitposts about obscure computer stuff. this feed is not for you. trust me.

the most popular political personality in alberta is a cat. the cat's name is 'oregano'.

again, i feel the need to stress that i am not making this up.

remember the $84 bucket of water and chalk and syphilis/pepper spray tweet from before? here's a cartoon of the cat, oregano, with that bucket and that chalk.

i don't know how to explain that, if you live in alberta, this. makes. sense.

in alberta, the plan is to teach kids how to program computers by having them write code on paper. with a pen.

they will grow up to be used car salesmen.

the guy who runs this province probably cheated in the election. he's under investigation for it by the rcmp. he also wants to replace the rcmp here with his own police force.

this, of course, is a complete coincidence and concerns no one here at all.