New iPhone is pretty hefty
Today Apple is one step closer to achieving its dream of a dongle with dongles. This one lets you shave while watching YouTube
These iPads look like the color selection you get with modern cars. For some reason every auto sold these days is only available in five subdued colors, two of which are grey.
Oh god they're doing the watch. I guess it can tell if you are on a bike now? The OG Apple watch was made of solid gold and let you send your pulse to strangers! Like us, this device used to have dreams!
When the Apple watch was launched, they spent like two hours talking about the Digital Crown and how it marked a new era in the human experience. And in today's event they're like "oh yeah, we fixed the button"
Making you pay more for smaller numbers is a bit of a dick move
We are back to the Sunday Shopper design aesthetic on Apple slides and I could not love this any harder. Imagine the passive-aggression being directed at Jony Ive here
Apple's fitness guy looks exactly like what you get when you prompt the AI with "apple fitness guy"
"Guided meditation is also coming to Fitness+, with new guided meditations each week on subjects like calm, gratitude, kindness, and Xi Jinping Thought"
"The notch is 20% smaller" is my favorite Apple marketing self-own. "We found a way to make this design feature that we totally put in on purpose and that really ties the phone together a little smaller."
The iPhone's biggest design challenge in the 2020's is how to make it visible that you own a newer iPhone. The solution this time around is diagonal camera eyes.
It looks like Apple shares lab space with L'Oreal
New iPhone picture in picture feature lets you play tennis while talking to your brother in law about his crippling alcoholism. Being a sponsor no longer such a drag
At this point they should just write CAMERA MORE GOOD and move on. We all get it.
Now we're on a big kick about privacy for your always-on remotely exploitable live pocket microphone and GPS tracker.
We're maybe two years out from returning to beige computers. WHY SO DESATURATE
Oh I guess there's another phone? It's the Pro phone! And it's got stainless steel bands because the "a" in aluminum stands for "amateur". And it comes in four dad colors!
Maybe not the best day for Apple to announce they're hard-wiring a lot more of their encoding/decoding code.
"Super Retina XDR" is another beautiful cry for help from the Apple marketing department. Next year: Tactical Super Retina XDR Maxx v3
THIS BABY CAN DO 10Hz!
Seriously, though, Apple should do a tactical iPhone.
There's something now about applying auto-filters to all photos, which shows that Apple has learned nothing from the fiasco of putting HDR technology in the hands of realtors.
If you like spider eyes you'll really love our new iPhone pro
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