Because I have written about the Great Gatsby and because I love it, I thought I’d finally give the recent film a crack.
I think it might be the single shittest thing I’ve ever seen, and resembles the book in the same way that vomitus resembles a delicious meal.
It’s as if it’s been written by someone who overheard someone talking about the book, and then tried to write it down whilst coked off their balls.
I am transfixed by its shitness. Paralysed by turditude. The inexhaustible variety of manballs.
Promethean. Meaning about the same standard as Prometheus (2012).
It’s the Room made with a mega budget. The acting is on a par with Tommy Wiseau, and the editing, oh boy, like Nutribulleting one’s own face.
Toney Maguire a befuddled blobfish enjoying sneaking a fart out.
And so we beat on boats against the current, but I’ve run out of bourbon.
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