Thread by @Chris_arnade

So begins my 17 miles across Orlando. In a McDonald’s with a homeless guy & fashionable Japanese tourist. Different place (grew up near here) then where else I walked so far. Less planned, more ad hock dealing with growth

If I make it will end up somewhere north of here tonight

Post coup, Official name is now Democratic People’s Republic of Chocolate

Man. I just wanna be kept dry & out of sun. Not part of some art project to pretend most of the area doesn’t have the feel of an airport grounds

Dear God, this is ugly. Did Kim Jong-il become dictator of Florida?

Side note —- Forgot Florida grass is different & cut higher & walking across it in morning means soaking wet shoes

Urban planners take note! This is example of what not to do for transportation sign. Impossibly cluttered!

The international Drive Master Transit Improvement District. 😶

The international Drive Master Transit Improvement District’s not sitting around happy with their huge name. They doing stuff. Artsy stuff. Proving this isn’t a soulless corporate park. Nope.

Human ant hills

Orlando conference committee: let’s go for a soviet 70s meets Brasília thing. But with palm trees.

Apparently booth 2141 & 2143 have free access to everything booth 2142 gots

The international Drive Master Transit Improvement District is fuckin busy

Architect: here it is. Just on budget!
Hyatt: but it doesn’t say tropical Florida..

(Dabs on colored strips)

Hyatt: ooooooooh. Florida!

Disney’s compact cheap movie set style of faux-worlds (its British because it says it is & soundtrack different), apparently in vogue here

Not surprisingly, Everything is a theme here

Ps: I tried the smoking break benches & they are not comfortable & ice adds nothing. So you don’t have to

Found Normie-World!

If Bensonhurst became sentient & retired to Florida

If you grew up in central Florida (I did) last thing you wanna do is go up high on a metal tower ⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️

No. Absolutely not. No way.

Found “pedestrian fierce because you are crossing into a tangle of parkways, interstates, & toll roads” world

Can they do anything normal here?
McDonald’s on growth hormones

For those following along. Next stage is getting out of this tangle of roads & eventually over to orange blossom trail

Ok. Since it is biggest McDonald’s. Need to post a few pics

Ok. This is more the Central Fl I know. Suns out & scrappy is back in

Guy on far right with American flag shorts is icing on top.

Take this over post apocalypse, & you good

Strip mall Pakistani. Gotta try! Tomorrow

Dudes need a hair cut. Can’t walk with it all in the sidewalk

Orlando is weird. Nests of quiet housing developments (Some termite mound like apartments, others gated communities) connected by brutally loud interstates & busy 8 lane winding roads with complex long stop lights

Florida I know.

Just a shout out to Bob. Going extra mile to get his biz noticed

This is like what half of Florida (south of Gainesville) looks like

This might even test my very high dive bar tolerance

Sam assured me the strip mall Punjabi place I passed isn’t as good a Sizzler tandoori

Also he said i should drink more water, less beer (but I was buying water Sam!). He is right. Florida and all

Sure is lots and lots of massage places here in Orlando. Must be cause people walk a lot like me & get all injured.

Come on McDonald’s. You took out all the electrical outlets? Apparently just recently.

Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

New owner came in and did this last month. Covered up all the outlets. A sweet young employee tried to help me use a custodial outlet, but manager yelled at her & told me off. Sad!

When I had taken out my phone charger a $50 I keep for emergencies fell out & I didn’t notice but the same young employee who tried to help me charge my phone found it and returned it.

So, super sweet employees & bad franchise owners! Sad!

More the Florida I know pics

Forgot about the stunningly hot black parking lot with tiny islands of oak shade Florida thing

Awwwww. I miss these guys.

Where do people in Orlando live? It can’t be all strip malls, convention centers, & amusement parks.

Oh that’s right. One type of housing nest on one side of road, another on the other side

Now the walk turns into three straight miles of this.

Bad bus stop. Like. Come on

Like. Nice in theory. But theory ain’t ever reality

😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢

First church I have seen in Orlando so far. And is in what seems to be a mostly Haitian neighborhood

I love tiny signs of beauty along an otherwise bland transient stretch

Tempted to eat here based on look alone. But I know that would be a mistake.

Damn McDonald’s. Another franchise with covered power outlets. Should have known. Probably owned by same franchises

I rely on you during these walks. My phone is dying!

Et tu Starbucks!

Zaxby’s to the rescue! Not something I thought I would ever type

👍

Apparently this is breezeway bricks and apparently I like them.

Seems to be union row. Like a union-world

Name pretty utilitarian

Come on Orlando. At least try!

There was like a mile of this.

More then halfway done. But phone issues & going slower than expected. Had to backtrack to get to my current zaxby’s heaven.

Has gotten pedestrian fierce. Massive crossings of zillions of lanes. Gonna be a slower slog

Florida: The state of exposed complex pipes

Nostalgia

25% of Florida buildings look like this

Have to admire the military grade stoplight scaffolding

That the stray half eaten corn dog, wedged into a power box, is in front of a vegetarian restaurant, makes the possible stories so much better

A good utilitarian buss stop (seats. Shading) made better by attached hand written rant

Found the king of exposed pipes

Strip club next to gun shop next to dive bar. The Florida trifecta

I mean. This is also pretty Orlando

I will not spend hours in flea market. I will not…

Not surprisingly a lot of the tables are for safety, please don’t kill me with your absurdly big vehicle, work gear.

Ok. This is the best thing in Orlando so far

Dive bar AND strip mall restaurant. Twofer. Gotta put on to do list

Not sure exactly what I stumbled on. But it is in a fish store parking lot & my type of music

I don’t do karaoke, but would make an exception for this place

Waiting in the shadows

This bus stop is old school Reddit

I crossed a certain death road for this.

Oh shit. Bob makes a reappearance! Bob is Chekhov’s gun

Last 300 yards tells me why so many pedestrians die in Orlando.

Countertops, tax service, & Jesus

Ps: this side of I-4 so much calmer

This was unexpected

Now we Florida old school-in

Politicos

Speaking of old school

Then, in the middle of a poor Black (mostly Haitian?) neighborhood comes an Amazon fulfillment thing (next door to cowboys liquor store)

All 4 McDonald’s in the poor parts of Orlando I been in have covered up their outlets. Not true in tourist neighborhoods. Sad!

I mean. I shouldn’t laugh. But Whozz Next Bail Bonds made me LOL

Orlando gots a stadium?

Aaaaw. Old miss chicken gonna slaughter her fitness niece & cook her up!

Ok. Half a mile more and will reach my goal. 18 miles all told. Battery dying. Will try to summarize later. After some strip mall Mexican & a few Dos Equis. Last few pics from last few miles

Florida has the most beautiful sunsets!

Back for more! Taco express!

Beef soup! Good!

Orlando growing on me.

13 hours, 18 miles, & 500 pictures, I am back where I started. A McDonald’s with working outlets.

Orlando grew on me. And coming to realization I will probably end up liking every city I walk.

Thank you everyone. Please sign up for me Substack (free!), where I turn these walks into more thoughtful (hopefully) essays

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