Thread by @robicellis

I missed my connecting flight so I have to stay overnight at O'Hare and let me tell you guys being practically alone in an airport is fucking AMMAAAZZZIIIIINNNNGGG.

If I was rich, I'd buy plane tickets but never go anywhere just so I could hang out in the airport overnight. I'm hanging out with the custodial staff, skipping down the moving sidewalk, finding little secret nooks I can pretend are forts. This is the BEST.

OH AND THEY'RE PLAYING CHRISTMAS CAROLS ALL NIGHT LONG IT'S A WINTER WONDERLAND BITCHES

It’s all mine! ALL MINE!

I laid on the floor of the Rotunda for 10 minutes.

Found a “secret” passageway in terminal 2! It’s a service hallway that the public can access, but the lights are dim so it’s easy to walk by. You can only see that sign if you’re looking for it. This would make a great basecamp for manhunt.

Kinda wishing I could get a bunch of friends together to “miss our flights” so we could have the most epic game of manhunt ever. @petershankman, you down for this?

I found a free arcade! And there’s no kids to take up all the machines.

I am now an expert at airport trivia.

This is what a dinosaur’s butt looks like from the inside.

And this is what a dinosaurs butt looks like from the outside.

Here’s something I never noticed when there’s people in here: there’s an art piece on the ceiling connecting terminal 1 and the concourse, and as you go down the escalator, it reflects on the floor like lightning.

And there it is without a single soul in sight.

This is the future the Jetsons promised!

No one came into the corridor for like 20 minutes so I just rode back and forth on the moving sidewalks and enjoyed the show.

My original flight was at the sad end of the concourse, but my new flight is at the sexy end of the concourse. And there’s really only one thing to do here at 3:20 am…

SEXY AIRPORT PHOTOSHOOT

I cannot believe I’m allowed to be completely unsupervised all night in an empty airport. This is fucking incredible. This is the only way I’m flying from now on.

Ordinarily I’d be wary about letting people in on this sort of thing because then EVERYONE is going to start staying overnight at the airport and ruin the experience. BUT people are impatient sons of bitches who aren’t very fun, so it feels safe.

Alright, it’s time to take my shoes off and see how far I can slide across the floor in my socks.

I expected better.

Who the hell are all you people who have been awake through this? What sort of fun shit have you been up to? Right now I’m waiting for McDonald’s to open in 8 minutes to see if I can get a breakfast McRib.

People are starting to show up at the airport now so I guess my madcap adventures are over. It was a hell of a lot of fun. Now I guess I’ll read or something.

Okay so now that I’m intimately acquainted with every single corner of O’Hare, here’s my official terminal ranking from worst to best:
-5
-2
-1
-3

Where is 4? I don’t know. Maybe they’ve got a thing against 4s in Chicago.

I need to get invited on more press trips so I can get stuck in more airports.

Noticed that in one of the pics from my sexy airport photo shoot I kinda look like a pelican pirate and oh my fucking god I need to go to sleep.

I am on the plane to Baltimore, which means my O’Hare adventure has come to an end. It’s been real, Chicago.

Touchdown in Baltimore! And I finagled a window seat so could spend the whole trip with my face pressed against the glass. I think everyone’s forgotten just how miraculous flying is. I mean, Icarus fucking died for this shit.

Got a few hours of sleep and woke up to hundreds of responses! I didn’t post everything last night because there were only like 3 people paying attention, and I wanted to save some moments for myself. But seeing as this has brought so much joy… TIME FOR BONUS CONTENT!

Think this big gold globe is hanging from the ceiling in Terminal 3. When there’s no one else in the airport, you can lie on the floor and find beautiful things above you. People always forget to look up!

This is a plane that’s INSIDE the airport! THAT’S CRAZY!

Take a moment to really appreciate the vertebrae in this dinosaur’s neck. It’s utterly magnificent. Dinosaur bones are art. And he’s wearing a mask, because he’s a RESPECTFUL dinosaur.

The rest I’m keeping to myself. Can’t have a “secret hiding place” when everyone knows about it. You guys will have to discover your own secret hiding places next time you’re stranded in an airport.