1. The Golden Palace coming to Hulu might be a good time to finally pitch my "Dorothy Zbornak is the Anakin Skywalker of the Golden Girls" essay.
Think about. From the pilot, Dorothy is cast like an evil, prone-to-chokeholds-villain—like Darth Vader.
2. Dorothy is repeatedly cast as the mean, loser, ugly monster. They hide her in dark, dour clothes. The make fun of her height and her brute strength.
Just like Darth Vader.
3. They both keep choking people!
4. They both have UTTER contempt for the stupid people who surround them!
5. They both resent being put in embarrassing roles by George Lucas!
6. The are both evil character who see the light and find salvation—Vader in the afterlife, Dorothy by marrying Uncle Lucas...but first, a final humiliation:
THEY ARE MADE TO LOOK AS UGLY AS POSSIBLE RIGHT BEFORE THEIR REDEMPTION...
7. Before being freed as a beautiful spirit which has escaped six, seven years of hideous depiction...
(Yub nub, eee chop yub nub;
Ah toe mee toe pee chee keene;
G'noop dock fling oh ah.)
(Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down a road and back again)...
8. ...where they will live happily ever after in the Disney universe
9. Oh I almost forgot, Vader’s relationship with Daddy Emporer Palpatine was like Dorothy and Mama Sophia’s relationship
Picture it! The Death Star, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…
Emporer Petrillo!
*Emperor. You call yourself an English teacher, Dorothy? Can’t even spell? No wonder you have to wait each day for the phone to ring to see if you’ll get to work that day or not. Maybe if you hadn’t gotten knocked up and pregnant in high school, giving it up to the first guy who
SHADY PINES, MA!
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