John Bull Profile picture
Historian. Streamer. Tech Strategist. Editor of @lonrec. Servant of Napoleon. Orient fan. @garius@mastodon.me.uk. Business: business@longformist.co.uk

Jan 24, 2022, 12 tweets

I think I'd trust this government more if the only MPs still loyal to it didn't all look like Skyrim NPCs.

Rees-Mogg. Arrogant mage who gives you a mission to retrieve a mysterious staff. Turns out to be a vampire. No good loot on him.

Michael Fabricant. Shifty af Jarl who tries to back both sides in the Skyrim Civil War. Always picks the wrong one.

Has a really shit magic longsword that you sell straight away.

Michael Gove. Undead horror. Nuff said.

Has a "mask of many faces" though which gives you a bartering buff. You wear it when shopping.

Kwasi Kwarteng. Chief advisor to whichever Jarl you betray. Bangs on for ages about the need to "stick to his oath".

Has some nice armour that you wear for a bit, then give to Lydia.

Nadine Dorries. Mad forest witch you run into just randomly wandering round Skyrim. Just starts attacking you.

You only discover she has a quest when you check the wiki later, and struggle to care about missing it.

Stephen Barclay and Dominic Raab. Posted together because they're basically the same two meshes used for every single town guard in Skyrim.

Michael Ellis. Mayor of a Skyrim town populated only by women. CONSTANTLY tells you not to go into his house.

When you pick the lock you discover the bodies of all the original residents (except him) dead, then get attacked by hagravens.

Gavin Williamson. One of the comedy sidequests.

You just keep finding notes all over Skyirm from 'Gavin the Great' banging on about how he's an all powerful wizard and will rule the world.

You eventually find his dead body in a cave surrounded by low level spiders.

Priti Patel. Some kind of ridiculously powerful Thalmor zealot sorceress. You end up only being able to beat her through save-scumming.

Gives you an amulet of death which boosts your charisma for one hour every time you kill a creature.

Robert Jenrick. Chief Steward in Whiterun. When you're sent to him to buy a house, he offers you a discount if you'll burn down a nearby village.

If you pick the lock to his own house there's a TON of gold coin in there.

I could go on, but you get the point.

Every single one of them would make you take the other side in the Skyrim Civil War. All of them.

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