Jared Kushner's VC pitch deck is 100% mid & as afwul as you'd expect, a 🧵critique from an LP of Affinity Partners PPT
Background: Jared Kushner, the walking equiv of the Dunning-Kruger effect, is fund-raising for his $2B VC firm which is bankrolled by Saudi Prince MBS.
This deck is fairly awful. Let's discuss.
theintercept.com/2022/04/18/sau…
1:The mission
Kushner & Co paid some consulting firm for this word salad of nonsense. What's the market? What's the focus? Why your capital?
Oh c'mon, we know that - it's the ex-President son-in-law. That should have been the mission statement.
1/5 stars
2: G2M
Does Jared like baseball bc This looks like a fair-ball batting chart for the Mets, redone in word art.
Why is Affinity a wedge of cheese? Why is Strategic Enablement in the middle? Why is Affinity Value Add moving bi-directionally?
Chart-junk at its finest, 0/5
3: "My Angel Investing track record"
Kush touts his experience w/Middle East Peace as a reason to invest with him. Also, gov't policy is all about "aligned economic interests."
This is the slide where GPs tout they got in early @ Alibaba, FB, Uber b/c their B-school chums. 0/5
4: Literally every deck ever
Affinity focuses on "five key verticals" which is somehow every vertical and no vertical at all. They mention "secular winners" at least, so glad this won't be a theocratically led firm.
1/5 stars
5: Secret Sauce time
J/k there's no secrets, there's not even sauce
Their "nexus of industry and country provides differentiated insights."
Also, they invest in "scalable co's that offer best in class products."
Like Jared, this is mayonnaise on toast level bland. 0/5 stars
6: More Word Art
The landscape of investments looks a lot like a WordArt PowerPoint auto-generated slide with the word "TRANSFORMATIONAL OPPORTUNITIES"
7: Their Process (tm)
J & Co have a process for their deal flow which considers such metrics as VALUATION. But also, ROEffort -e.g. return on effort, how hard it is to due the diligence.
Also, they have an investment committee!
1/5 stars
8:More Word Salad
I defy you to explain this run-on sentence:
"Countries and governments with the right game plan to create synergies with top providers of innovation and capital will grow their markets and transform their societies."
0/5 stars
9: 21 people
The Firm. Already. Has. 21. People...
10: Bios of the Team
... looks as expected, but hey - they have a redhead!
11: Jared Kushner, 2 page bio
Here's the star - Jared.
Jared gives himself a 2 page bio, 6 TIMES the space devoted to the retired Major General.
He also does A VICTORY LAP ON COVID-19.
-1/5 stars, I hate it here.
TL;DR Jared Kushner's new Affinity Partners pitchdeck is as bland and awful as you'd expect & he's already raised $2B.
1/5 stars, do not recommend
Argh, first tweet should read of "a critique by an LP, of Affinity Partners" - I am in no way an investor in this fund, where is my edit button *Sigh*
Ok this thread is doing numbers, if you like this humor, come back for my totally live Twitter Game Show next week, Terrible Life Advice!
P.S. Like any sacred text, the more one studies it, the more is revealed -
At the center of the logo, three cryptic phrases emerge from the mist:
Growth Markets
Leadership Commitment
Scalable Companies
#inspired
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