Thread by @TheBibleInVerse

Theobro - A Poem

I am the very model of a patriarchal theobro
I balk at women's leggings and decry them all as wily hoes
I speak the truth in love by raining fire on these reprobates
(By which I mean most anyone who Social Justice advocates)

I'm a Husband, Father, Pastor and a Sinner needing all the grace
But that's for me! What *you* deserve is many punches in the face.
I know a lot of out-of-context verses that support my views
And anyone correcting me, of wokeness I will fierce accuse

I absolutely lose my freaking mind if any woman talks
I hound their social media like jackals in the bushes stalk
I phone their pastors and decry the attitude of womenfolk
By this I show my well-adjusted sense of what is right or woke.

And if by some demonic sin a lady knows theology
I diss her point no matter how unerring the tautology
I wave away rebuttals and insist on speaking with her man
And question her salvation if she is a seminarian.

I live to praise the men who cause the greatest total suffering
Excusing all abuse of -- hang on, JMac's sermon buffering --
Aha! He told me what to think of articles correctional:
We're clearly victims of the culture's mindset intersectional.

And if by some ungodly chance the proof is undeniable
I bend my back in half to show the leader isn't liable.
It's not abuse of power, no, it's half-and-half adultery
Let's never mind the Humble Leader's character desultory.

I boldly show my manhood in this all-important culture war
I make it known how strong, how long, how tough I am: and furthermore
Opining on the loss of White and masculine hegemony
I simply can't accept the Kingdom doesn't focus all on me.

I claim objective truth while making errors eisigetical
And twist the scriptures to support my borderline heretical
Mutations of the doctrines honored through the ages glorious:
And at the end of all disputes I crown myself victorious.

hi so I write other things too :D

Feel free to check out my pinned tweet for my long-running Genesis in Epic Verse series

Or read it at writhyn.github.io/the-bible-in-v…

On subjects one and all I am the uppermost authority
Regardless of the history or scholarship majority
I'll miss your point entirely inserting my reality
And claim myself a victim when I suffer a fatality.

We've broken women, ruined lives from eras immemorial
But that's because you just won't give us power dictatorial
If you would only yield and trust our selfish immaturity
We wouldn't have to run amok or hurt you: that's a surety!

I read the words of women with the charity of Genghis Khan
I judge their joyful musings like the sin of ancient Babylon
And lest you think I'm crushed when they deflate my grandiosity
A thousand words will prove I'm not obsessed with my pomposity.

A beard, I have a beard! That means I beardly beard and beard-ee-loo!
Without a beardly beard I wonder what I'd beardly do-dee-doo
A beardly beard is beardly for a beardly man of beardliness
So beardly I will beard and beardly beard of others' beardlessness

I boldly write how sex is marked by women's great passivity
And how the husband's righteousness is shown by his massivity
The dude is just like Jesus and the Gospel like that sweet embrace
He nightly visits - quickly - as a guest in her Most Holy Place.