Thread by @LadyDiabolique

𝗕𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗗𝗶𝘀𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝗠𝗲𝗴𝗮 𝗧𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱
by Jessica Morrow MA LPC NCC

𝗣𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗡𝗼𝘁𝗲:
I am not functioning in the role of your therapist nor functioning in any professional capacity.

This discussion of BPD is based strictly on my personal experiences & education. Nothing here should be considered clinical assessment (which encompasses any clinical judgment that falls outside of making a diagnosis), diagnosis, treatment, or services regarding any individual.

Please also note that the test taken on for Borderline Personality Disorder does not constitute a diagnosis and if you believe the test or this thread resonates, please speak to a licensed clinician.IDRlabs.com

Lastly, please note that I will be adding to this as I go & posting it in chunks.

Let's start with a series of infographics created by the Tumblr page "𝗧𝗲𝘅𝘁𝘀 𝗙𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗕𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲".

Further, let's look at an infographic and see some statistics:

For transparency, I am diagnosed with BPD. I am also a professional counselor and I specialize in the treatment of Borderline.

Here are my IDRLabs Results which found my symptoms to be moderate and I generally agree with this "assessment".

My framework for this thread is to systematically through the DSM-5 criteria & explain what is meant clinically as well as share my personal & professional experiences with that criteria. There are 9 criteria in total & the DSM-5 only requires you to have 5 to be diagnosed.

To start off with though, let's reduce stigma and discuss the positives of BPD.

I am once again going to be borrowing images from the Tumblr blog "𝗧𝗲𝘅𝘁𝘀 𝗙𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗕𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲"

𝗖𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗮 𝟭: 𝗙𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝗲𝗳𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗼𝗿 𝗶𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗯𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗼𝗻𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁.

This is the crux of BPD, We are existentially afraid of being abandoned. The reason for this is that our sense of self is poor without the other.

We are hyper-vigilant, constantly on the lookout for those we love to leave us. This can manifest as fears of our loved ones getting hurt in the best-case scenario to projections of cheating in the worst-case scenario. My experience of this is that it is pervasive and constant.

Even as other symptoms have faded over time, this one has stayed consistent. Only my way of dealing with this has changed. When I say “existentially” afraid, I have to be clear. We are talking about abject terror. T

The loss of the other, often our favored person feels not only like grief, but a type of death. We take on the traits of the people we love as a way to compensate for our lack of self. This isn’t just schema theory but something deeper we do to chameleon with the people we love.

This is often where the “manipulative” claims come from as we try to become desirable to the other, we can come out as having an agenda/ulterior motive. Part of my experience is that this criterion flows into the others such as anger and mood shifting.

When we see abandonment, real or otherwise, we can become upset, passive-aggressive, or even self-sabotaging.

(Here are some graphics on BPD and Effective communication)

One pattern of self-sabotage is the tendency to believe our partner is going to leave so rather than share those fears, we act out. If this happens multiple times, eventually, our partner will leave. Thus proving our belief as a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The ugly trust with this criterion is that it shows the reality of the abuse cycle with people with BPD, specifically that while we can be abusers, just like anyone else, we are often more likely to be the victims of abuse...

because our desperation to run from the existential fear of abandonment will pull us back again and again. As I stated above, we are terrified of being abandoned because we do not just lose the person we cared for but rather a part of ourselves that is ripped out.

I am reminded of the song by Natalie Imbruglia, “Torn”. Specifically this line: “I'm cold and I am ashamed. Bound and broken on the floor.”

This is how the abuse cycle plays out for us because of our constant self-loathing, we will stay in some of the worse situations which can inevitably lead to further trauma and an exacerbation of other symptoms that will be on this list.

When you see someone post about people with BPD being abusive, I highly recommend you challenged them on it. Ask if they know that person had a legitimate diagnosis and if there was not some other diagnosis that was further compounding the situation.

We do not deserve the stereotype and it does tremendous harm by damaging potential relationships and stopping us from getting the health care we need. I will speak more about myths after the criteria are done.

𝗖𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗮 𝟮: 𝗔 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝘂𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 & 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽𝘀 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗶𝘇𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝗮𝗹𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘇𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗱𝗲𝘃𝗮𝗹𝘂𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. (𝗦𝗽𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴)

What do you think of when I say splitting? Perhaps you get the imagery of wood breaking or leaving a place. Ironically enough, those are good metaphors for this criteria. Splitting is when a person with BPD gets stuck in black & white thinking.

Imagine being stuck in dichotomous thinking. There are only good & evil, right & wrong, perfect & flawed, and you feel like this is all-pervasive. Your partner is either the love of your life or the source of all your misfortune.

It isn't hard to see why there is a book about BPD called "I hate you, please don't go." This is what happens when Criteria #1 and #2 fusion into difficult and contradictory behavior. A good example of the effects of splitting are in relationships and are known as...

the self-fulfilling prophecy. Let's say you get scared your partner is going to leave you. And then you split. You start to lash out at your partner or act distant and aggressive. You and your partner solve this but it keeps happening. Eventually, your partner leaves...

due to the splitting behavior. See! You were right. Not because those fears were correct but because you made it happen because your fear of abandonment did the exact opposite thing you needed, it distanced you from your person.

𝟯. 𝗜𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗯𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲: 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗸𝗲𝗱𝗹𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗹𝘆 𝘂𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗶𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳.

Have you ever had that feeling that no one seems to know you? Does that include you? People will frame this as...

having to do with lying or being manipulative but it is actually built on the fact that a person with BPD struggles to have a stable sense of self. What this means is that the average neurotypical person experiences in some way, shape, or form, experiences themselves as a...

solid identity MOST of the time. This means that they have a core idea of their values, preferences, ideas, etc even though these are not necessarily conscious or well-reasoned. It is a sense of who you are. People with BPD who have this criterion struggle with this.

It is hard to describe but it can feel like being a piece of paper in the wind. My opinions and thoughts can be, if I am not careful, easily pushed to a speaker's point of view. If someone has a strong personality, they can seem like the better person to be & thus we introject...

their ideals and may even end up defending things that are not ours because we have connected these behaviors/notions to our sense of self. The way this connects to the core abandonment of BPD is that people with BPD can be chameleons. We will sometimes morph ourselves...

to fit the people we care about. This is where one of the myths of BPD people being manipulatives arises. People assume we do this to get people to do things for us but often it is more about creating similarities so others do not leave us. More on this when we get to emptiness.

𝟺. ɪᴍᴘᴜʟsɪᴠɪᴛʏ ɪɴ ᴀᴛ ʟᴇᴀsᴛ ᴛᴡᴏ ᴀʀᴇᴀs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴀʀᴇ ᴘᴏᴛᴇɴᴛɪᴀʟʟʏ sᴇʟғ-ᴅᴀᴍᴀɢɪɴɢ (ᴇ.ɢ., sᴘᴇɴᴅɪɴɢ, sᴇx,
sᴜʙsᴛᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴀʙᴜsᴇ, ʀᴇᴄᴋʟᴇss ᴅʀɪᴠɪɴɢ, ʙɪɴɢᴇ ᴇᴀᴛɪɴɢ).

Here goes, the difficult ones...

Criteria #4 is one that is usually a make or break of diagnosis, which is unfortunate because it is only one of nine criteria. Often, this symptom as well as the myth of BPD people always lying are the things that can cause people to not be diagnosed properly.

Criteria #4 behaviors tend to be self-sabotaging. These are not intended to be "anti-fun" or "slut-shaming". But there is a way that certain behaviors can become a form of self-harm via escapism. A little is fine but people with BPD can sometimes go overboard with behaviors to...

the point where they become methods to chase away pain and suffering but inadvertently create more. A good example of this is sex. I once knew a client who traveled for work and every time they stayed at a hotel, they would meet a person and proceed to cheat on their spouse.

This wasn't done out of maliciousness or unhappiness with the relationship but rather due to a profound feeling of loneliness that could only be sated in the arms of another person. The problem was that once the act was done, the person would feel a profound sense of guilt...

emptiness, and self-loathing. They didn't really want sex with that person. They wanted connection but settled for the person who was willing regardless of their relationship or attraction to the other person. I know I did this a lot when I was younger.

A profound sense of self-loathing and hunger for connection would lead me into years-long relationships with awful people. The desire for sex would pull me in to get rid of the pain, and then I would be stuck with them because abandoning them felt wrong.

These symptoms can come up with just about anything including drug use and eating. Beyond the threat of addiction, all of these behaviors lead to the same place. A temporary cessation of pain followed by hurt and a painful return. The reason why this criterion is hard...

beyond just the potential self-harm and sabotage because when people think of the mythos around BPD. They often think of someone out of control, someone who lies and is sleeping around. While in extreme cases, this can be true. It is usually only a half-truth.

The person with BPD is suffering and using whatever means they can to hide from the existential terror they feel from criterion #1. Sometimes we use these as escapes, but they often become or even can be intended as self-harm. A way to punish ourselves for the...

simulacrum of a person we feel that we are. These symptoms are some of the biggest hindrances to treatment and need to be taken seriously.