Ever had that feeling where a picture reminds you of a favourite #Tolkien character? Well, I have, and I cordially invite you to hitch a ride on the MEGA-THREAD that is Pictures that Should Have Been Tolkienian. Btw, is that Gandalf? No, sorry it's Georg von Rosen's Odin (1886)
Lobelia Sackville-Baggins prepares a letter of complaint to Sharkey, whilst the late Otho looks on... No, sorry, this is Portrait of Lady Dacre (c 1555-1558) by Tudor-gentry-loving Flemish allegorical painter Hans Eworth #Tolkien
The Black Riders kick back post-Weathertop. No, sorry, this is the Dance of Death by Michael Wolgemut (c. 1493) Featured in Hartman Schedel's Nuremburg Chronicle, this charming little woodcut conjures the horrors of the Black Death. complete with Satanic snakes #Tolkien
"Are there no leeches among you?" Imrahil spots that Éowyn isn't dead, as inattentive Rohirrim look on. No, sorry, this Valkyrie's Death (1880) by Norwegian mythological painter Peter Nicolai Arbo (1831-1892). Nice helmet Imrahil, but where's your vambrace? #Tolkien
A Silent Watcher guards the entrance to Cirith Ungol.
No, sorry, that single head is a big no-no. Actually, this is Resistance, or The Black Idol (1903) by Orphic cubist and symbolist František Kupka. Based on the Colossi of Memnon, but with a Bram Stoker vibe #Tolkien
Saruman sulks in Orthanc, post Treebeard. No, sorry, this is the Venerable Luke the Stylite, as featured in the famous manuscript Menologion Basileios' II (circa 1000). Famed for sitting on top of a pillar for 45 years, Luke preferred a quiet life, free from drama #Tolkien
"Shall I, shan't I..." Aulë dithers over creating the Dwarves. No, sorry this is Portrait of Andrea Odoni (1527) by Venetian Renaissance painter Lorenzo Lotto. Odoni was a wealthy merchant and collector of classical art, hence the assorted naked artefacts #Tolkien
Beorn? No, sorry, this is Bear Shaman, a stunning soapstone carving by Abraham Anghik Ruben. Here, the Inuit Shaman assumes the shape of a bear, becoming a mediator between human, animal and spirit worlds. His upright stance and curious expression are especially charming #Tolkien
Beren and Lúthien hitch a ride on Huan. No, sorry, this is Ivan Tsarevich on the Grey Wolf (1889) by Russian mythological and historical painter Vikto Vasnetsov (1848-1926). Here the Wolf carries Tsarevich and his bride-to-be Elena Prekrasnaya through the forest #Tolkien
Frodo tests out his Elven cloak. No, sorry, this is Rembrandt’s Son Titus in a Monk’s Habit (1660) by Rembrandt van Rijn. Here the artist utilises tenebrism, a deep form of chiaroscuro designed to channel your eye to heart of the Hobbit, I mean painting #Tolkien
Bilbo meets William Huggins. No, sorry this is Norwegian folk hero Espen Askeladd facing down a troll by artist Theodor Kittelsen (1857-1914). Bravely our hero produces a piece of cheese in the guise of a stone, crushes it and threatens his foe with a similar fate #Tolkien
"A parrot, in Bree?" Frodo and Strider debate ornithology in the Prancing Pony. No, sorry, this Jim Hawkins, Long John Silver and Captain Flint (c. 1911) by Golden Age illustrator N. C. Wyeth. Direct and immediate, Wyeth hits home with his restricted palette #Tolkien
It's official, Balrogs do not have wings - Gothmog prepares his mates for battle. No, sorry, these are demons from the 15th c. manual Le Livre de la Vigne nostre Seigneur. A chilling account of the end of the world, this book portrays the horrors which await the damned #Tolkien
Sauron stokes the fire in the Sammath Naur. No, sorry this is Heat of the Earth (1918) by Russian symbolist painter and wanderer Nicholas Roerich. Steeped in apocrypha and dripping with weirdness, Roerich's imagery conjures all manner of strangeness #Tolkien
Lobelia Sackville-Baggins finally gets a look at the Red Book of Westmarch. No, hang on, this is Rembrandt's Mother Reading (circa 1629) by the Dutch master himself. Note the liquid manner in which the old Hobbit, sorry, I mean woman, emerges from her tenebrous backdrop #Tolkien
Second Age Sauron checks Celebrimbor's ingots. No, sorry, this is The Antiquary (1855) by American history, religious and genre painter Edwin White. Probably best known for his Orientalist take on historical moments and characters, White is a largely forgotten man today #Tolkien
Beren catches Lúthien reading instead of dancing. No, sorry, this The Beguiling of Merlin (c. 1872-1877) by Pre-Raphaelite painter Edward Burne-Jones. Here, the eponymous wizard gets snagged on some thorns as snake-haired Nimue runs through her spells #Tolkien
Sauron and Morgoth strike a pose for sad-boy Manwë.
No, sorry this is 1980s Goth ancients Patricia Morrison and Andrew Eldritch of The Sisters of Mercy planning Dominion over all back-combed black hair. #Tolkien
Finwë and his sons contemplate family dynamics. No, sorry, this is British goth pioneers Bauhaus photographed by Graham Trott circa 1979. Bela Lugosi's dead and Finwë's on the left, but the question is...which one is Fëanor? #Tolkien
Gandalf catches up on his correspondence. No, sorry, this a portrait of the author Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy by an anonymous late 19th century Russian artist. Discovered in the State Central Literary Museum, Moscow this oil on canvas exhibits a fine painterly touch #Tolkien
Thranduil spotted alone in Mirkwood. No, sorry, this is Dante lost in a gloomy wood (c. 1861) from the illustrated Inferno by painter, illustrator and comic-book pre-shadower Gustav Doré. "In the midway of this our mortal life, I found me in a gloomy wood, astray." Ok... #Tolkien
Young Smaug at home. No, sorry, this is Mountain Dragons of British Colombia (1977) by British fantasy/sci fi illustrator Patrick Woodroffe. Pre the CGI revolution, Woodroffe's paintings and Tomographs blurred the boundaries between real and unreal #Tolkien
Missing blue wizard Pallando pours out the moonshine while Alatar nips outside for a smoke. No, sorry this is the Astrologer by N C Wyeth, as featured in Albert Paine and Frederick Duneka's 1916 rehashing of Mark Twain's The Mysterious Stranger #Tolkien
Galadriel checks her other mirror. ANo, sorry, this is Girl in Mirror (1964) by popart pioneer Roy Lichenstein. A portrait viewed via a distorting lens, Lichenstein's picture subverts the aspirational imagery of 50s-60s Lórien, I mean America #Tolkien
Well, folks, hope you've enjoyed (or at least endured) our little trip into the parallel world of my #Tolkien brain. If you know me already or if you're new to my ramblings, thanks for stopping by, and as Sauron, sorry Michael Palin, once remarked to Gil-galad and Elendil -"Ni!"
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