Thread by @fred_guttenberg

(1,23) Earlier today, the jury rendered a verdict. I am now free to write about how I feel and the impact of this trial on me. The first and most important thing to say is that the only victims coming out of this trial are Jaime Guttenberg, Alex Schachter, Joaquin Oliver, Alyssa

(2,23) Alhadeff, Nicholas Dworet, Luke Hoyer, Gina Montalto, Carmen Schentrup, Cara Loughran, Alaina Petty, Meadow Pollack, Helena Ramsay, Peter Wang, Matin Duque, Scott Beigel Chris Hixon and Aaron Feis. Our loved ones and our families were again victimized by this verdict.

(3,23) With regards to the verdict, I have been asked if I have closure. I do not. Nothing will ever bring closure to the reality that I visit Jaime at the cemetery.

As a reminder, this trial began back on July 18th almost 3 months ago. Our families knew with complete

(4,23) clarity that court would be hard for both obvious reasons and some not so obvious. How would we be able to sit through months of trial and not scream and not react? How would we avoid displays of the obvious emotions that we were feeling? We had to sit as calmly and

(5,23) quietly as possible as we did not want to do anything to influence the jury or to give the defense any reason to ask for a mistrial. The thing is, sitting quietly and calmly through details of the murders to include medical examiner exhibits and all other parts of the

(6,23) trial, had consequences for me personally. During the 3rd week of the trial, I started having shortness of breath and heart palpitations sitting in the courtroom. While I had not shared this publicly until now, the stress of holding in all of my emotion and not letting

(7,23) it go caused a level of stress for me that had a health consequence. I ended up at the cardiologist and went through every heart test. Fortunately, my heart is fine. It is also broken by the murder of my daughter. Sitting quietly through the trial, while the right thing

(8,23) to do, had a very scary consequence on me.

This trial had many moments that filled me with tremendous emotion and tremendous anger. Whether you are thinking back at the medical examiner testimony, crime scene discussions, or family impact statements this trial presented

(9,23) a reality that I hope no family never has to go through again. While I cannot list them all, there are two that had a lasting impact on me. For me, the first happened weeks before the trial began. During courtroom arguments, Defense Attorney Tamara Curtis was

(10,23) frustrated by how the judge was receiving arguments that she was making. She reacted by putting her middle finger to her cheek and rubbing her cheek with her middle finger and then laughing about it with the murderer who was sitting next to her. That moment was

(11,23) disgusting, immature, and reprehensible. It was also a reminder to me that this defense team long ago lost any humanity for the victims of this crime. While I do respect that they had a job to do, their job never required that they add further injury to the families of

(12,23) the victims. Sadly, they did so on a regular basis.

I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge the State Attorneys. Mike Satz, Carolyn McCann, Jeff Marcus, Nicole Chiappone and other members of this team I thank you for your decency, sympathy, communication, and

(13,23) commitment to delivering justice for our families. It is something that I will never forget. From the very beginning, you brought us together to explain the legal process and always what to expect next. You spent countless hours to ensure that the murder of our loved

(14,23) ones would be appropriately responded to and for that I will be forever grateful to you.

The 2nd moment, and the one that caused the greatest pain for my wife, and I was the testimony of Ernie Rospierski. He was Jaime’s teacher at the time of the shooting. The reality

(15,23) is that he locked his key in the classroom, forcing kids like my daughter to be stuck in the hallway while the shooter was hunting. His mistake is the reason my daughter was stuck in the hallway. However, in the immediate aftermath of the shooting he discussed his

(16,23) actions in heroic terms. While my wife and I always knew the truth of what happened and that he was not heroic, we kept quiet. However, during the trial, we had hoped Ernie Rospierski, the last person to see Jaime alive, would help to provide some additional details of

(17,23) that day. Sadly, Mr. Rospierski entered the court with an attitude and mocked the entire proceeding. He left the proceeding and entered the elevator, looked at our families, and said “that was fun” while his wife said “we can cross that off our bucket list.” He left my

(18,23) wife and I in tears. Perhaps he was upset because the reality of his failures, the reality that he is not a hero, was finally being told. Either way, during this entire trial, he is the one person that could have actually helped my wife and I towards some understanding

(19,23) that we did not already have and left my wife and I feeling worse than we already did. His actions deserve further consequences.

As for the death penalty, if ever a case existed for it, this one is it. While I have to live with the jury’s verdict, I do not have to

(20,23) agree with it. While this may be hard to hear, what I actually want is for this killer to have been dead as quickly as possible. We must be honest and accept the reality that pure evil exists and he is pure evil. He serves no redeeming purpose to society, and in fact,

(21,23) as testimony has shown he still sits in his cell wishing he could kill others. Defense Attorney Melisa McNeill said in her closing arguments that if you send him to prison he will die there of natural causes or some other cause. She actually suggested he would be killed

(22,23) in prison. I hope she is correct and that happens. I am morally at peace hoping for his death.

In the days, weeks, and months ahead I will have more to say.

(23,23) For now, I am glad that this is over and that my family and I will finally be able to visit Jaime at the cemetery and let her know that her murderer has been he