Thread by @ColminIndonesia

TOP TIPS TO BEAT THE "MACET" IN JAKARTA.

After 3 years of riding my Honda Supra 🛵 around Jakarta, here are my top tips for getting around the Big Durian by motorbike - either as a passenger or riding yourself.

*Macet = Traffic jams / congestion
#Motorbikes #Martabaks

1) Learn essential traffic phrases and expressions

The most important words you need to learn are:

Left = Kiri
Right = Kanan
Straight ahead = Lurus
U-Turn = Putar balik

I cannot over emphasise the importance of the phrase "Putar balik".

2) Traffic lights

When approaching a junction with traffic lights the rules are simple:

• When the lights are red you must stop and wait.
• Unless you are turning left - then it's okay.
• Although sometimes it's not.

Hope that's clear.

#belokkirijalanterus

3) Beeping your horn

If you forget to move the instant a traffic light turns green - do not worry, an orchestra of car and motorcycle horns will beep loudly to 'kindly' remind you to get a move on.

* Beeping is used in many ways. If in doubt beep loud and beep often.

4) Police Sirens

If you notice a siren or flashing blue lights approaching from behind, you must give way.

This will either be:

1. The Police
2. Someone important getting a Police escort
3. Someone not important who has fitted a siren and flashing blue lights to their car

5) Do not fear the 'little green men'.

Whilst Jakarta has been invaded by 'little green men' - these green helmeted motorcycle-taxi "ojek" drivers are here to help you whizz around the city.

*Ojek = An alteration of obyek, short for the derived term ngobyek (“to moonlight”).

6) Learn shortcuts

Once you have mastered the main routes you can save extra time taking shortcuts through "kampung" areas in the city.

Learn these by following ojek drivers and prepare to get a numb bum riding over multiple sleeping policeman.

"kampung" = urban village

7) Smoke

When riding home in the early evening you may suddenly find yourself surrounded by smoke.

Do not fear you are not on fire; you are mostly likely passing a street food Sate seller. Stop and have a bite.

Sate = A tasty dish of seasoned, skewered, grilled meat.

8) Rain

In Jakarta it can suddenly rain and rain hard.

Should you be caught unexpectedly in rainstorm fear not - immediately a man will appear at the roadside to sell you a cheap plastic mac for about 50p.

Stop under a flyover to put this on and continue your ride.

9) Parking - some essentials

You can park almost anywhere in Jakarta.

Leave your cheap helmet on your bike safe in the knowledge it will not be stolen; carry lots of small notes (2,000 IDR) to pay the guy keeping an eye on your bike and get an e money card for car parks.

10) Maximum load?

You can carry absolutely anything on a motorbike in Indonesia. As a general rule of thumb the limit is simply your imagination.

If you think it's not possible to carry something by motorbike, you're probably wrong.

* Please share examples as comments below.

11) Filling up

One of the pleasures and conveniences of riding in Indonesia is that petrol station attendants will fill up your tank for you. Tip them generously; this is a hard job - you earn enough and they deserve it.

Also, petrol here is half the price than the UK.

12) Riding advice

When riding in Jakarta there is only one way to ride - if you want to get anywhere fast. Get your nose ahead and keep it ahead, you have simply got to muscle, inch and squeeze your way forward.

This is no city for driving Miss Daisy. You snooze, you lose.

13) Size matters

Another essential traffic ‘rule’ to remember is that size matters. In short, if it’s bigger than you - and on a bike most things will be - get out of the way.

Unless you have a death wish never get in the way of a Transjakarta bus.

14) Indicators

Use your indicators when turning. If yours are not working then signal your hand. Passengers can also serve as useful human 'hand flapping' indicators.

If you see a hand flapping, don't be caught napping

15) Safety first

Obviously, this thread has been quite tongue in cheek - a humorous (hopefully helpful) look at riding a motorbike in Jakarta.

It goes without saying that you should obey all traffic rules and always let pedestrians cross the road safely - be like this guy.

In all honesty riding a bike in Jakarta does take some getting used to and (at first) is not for the faint hearted.

When you're stuck in a traffic jam, it's often hot, the fumes are bad and you need the patience of a saint.

However, this said the roads are getting better...

...and there is nothing quite like the freedom of being on two wheels to explore this in this fast-changing dynamo of a city.

The are few things better than riding down an empty Jalan Sudirman late at night, street lamps lighting your way, surrounded by skyscrapers.

Explore the city and all it’s hidden secrets

Have fun and ride alone…

Or ride with friends…

Keep your head dry…

…and be like Michael Douglas in ‘Black Rain’ rather than 'Falling Down'.

There’s a whole magical world out there just waiting for you to discover it.

"Get your motor runnin'
Head out on the highway
Looking for adventure
In whatever comes our way."

16) Road crush

They were waiting for the lights to turn. She noticed him admiring her, their eyes met - he was handsome, her heart began to beat faster. Then suddenly the lights were green and they lost each other in macet. Would they ever meet again?

How's this? @NinaArdianti