Thread by @GodysseyPodcast

For this #FolkloreSunday and in honor of the victims in Monterey Park, I'm going to retell the story of the East Asian Zodiac, how it ended up in the order it did, and why cats are not included.

Long, long, ago, in times ancient, when tigers still smoked, there was no zodiac.

The Jade Enperor, ruler of Heaven and head of the host of the Celestial Bureaucracy, called forth the animals.

"To celebrate the New Year, I am holding a banquet at my palace. But make with haste, for whomsoever shall pass the Heavenly Rank shall receive a prize.

But there are only twelve prizes, so be quick! Come carefully and with kindness and respect."

The next day, the animals all left from the same place for fairness, with Mouse and Cat taking the lead together as best friends: but soon they came to a river! What to do?

Cat fell asleep devising a solution, while Rat waited diligently. He had woken early and come expecting to be first, and found Cat waiting. "Don't worry, I shall wake you." Rat was ever kind, there was nothing to fear.

Soon Ox, Tiger, and Rabbit arrived, and Rat saw a chance.

As Tiger leapt in and Rabbit began hopping across on stones and logs, Rat waited for Ox to brave the river and leapt on their ear, waking Cat who hopped on. The currents set Tiger back several times, and made Rabbit's crossing difficult, but Ox was diligent.

Cat fell back asleep and fell off; Ox did not notice. Soon Ox ran to the Gate, only for Rat to leap and crossed it first, becoming the first winner! Ox did not mind: though they had done the work, everyone won.

So Rat was first, and Ox was second. Cat had been swept away!

Rabbit and Tiger were competitive and in a contest with one another. Tiger had proven faster, becoming third. Rabbit became trapped on a log, but soon a wind came: Dragon pushed Rabbit across, and Rabbit became fourth!

Dragon was not particularly interested in the contest, more interested in gifting humanity with rain to end famine, so they casually flew. Beautiful and powerful, Dragon was fifth, and the Jade Emperor declared, "Such is your beauty that I shall give the next spot to your son!"

Sadly Dragon's son was at home with a cold, but before Dragon could reveal this, Snake slithered from Horse's hoof and declared, "Dragon is my adopted father! Can you not see the family resemblance?"

The Jade Emperor chuckled and accepted the ruse, making cunning Snake sixth.

Horse reared up in fear from Snake having hidden by their hoof, and stopped, becoming too terrified to cross the Gate.

Meanwhile at the river, an alliance had formed: Rooster had found a raft, Monkey cleared it of weeds and growth, and Ram caffied it on their back. They crossed.

Once across, they went forth, with Monkey getting lost, well, monkeying around and Rooster finding things to do. So Ram came to horse and calmed them: "It is only right you cross first. Snake is gone, you have nothing to fear." So Horse became sixth, and Ram seventh.

Apologies folks, I'm going to have to rewrite the thread and rebuild the commentary, Twitter ate the second half.

Never post a thread from your phone. Not on Elmo's Twitter, incompetent shitbag that he is.

Monkey swung slowly but surely, singing and making jokes all the while that had the previous winners rolling as humorous Monkey crossed the Gate, the Jade Emperor failing to hide his smile. So Monkey was ninth.

Rooster, hard worker that they were, lagged behind helping others.

Meanwhile at the river, Dog and Pig found Cat, swept up on shore, sleeping. "Should we wake Cat?" asked loyal Dog, who knew Cat had stayed up all night. Pig laughed. "Nonsense, Cats need their sleep: I would know!" Not wanting to argue, Dog crossed the river quickly, Pig behind.

Not long after, Cat awoke. "That Rat pushed me! I have to hurry!" Cat bound across the river and charged the Gate, where Pig had stopped to feed on some food. As Cat roared, Pig became startled and crossed the Heavenly Gate, becoming the twelfth winner.

Cat did not stop after crossing the gate, charging Rat and screaming. "You betrayed me! You pushed me off of Ox!"

Rat ran, terrified. "I did not! I swear it! You were asleep and fell off when a wave hit!"

"Enough!" cried the Jade Emperor, grabbing both by the tail.

"Who speaks true?" he asked the other animals. No one could definitively say if Cat had been pushed or fallen, neither Rabbit nor Tiger certain and Dragon distracted by the drought.

"I cannot act without knowing the truth: but be a good sportsman, Cat, and show grace. Rat won."

So it was that the Wheel of the Zodiac was born, with Rat leading the way. Cat, excluded from the Zodaic, swore revenge, and that is why Cats hate Rats to this day.

So ends our tale.

This classic tale is the most popular one known in the Western world, but variants exist across China and in places like Vietnam, where the Cat replaces the Rabbit.

The Zodiac mixes liberally with Daoist thought, with each year having an element.

For example, this year, 2023, is a Yin Water Rabbit. I, born in 1988, am a Yang Earth Dragon.

Want to find yours out? My friend Alex at Wasai runs Chinese New Year dot net, though the ads are egregious. chinesenewyear.net

I had a long list of artists I used in this one. For the half of the thread that survived, check the alt descriptions, I apologize for not gathering them but I can only give Elmo so much of my time. Gabrielle Wang, BBC, Ed Young, and others proved instrumental.

The Year of the Rabbit is a lucky year, one that symbolizes hope. I certainly hope so, we need it, but we're off to a poor start all things considered.

I hope you find your luck this year. I hope you find joy. I hope you find divine help, as Rabbit did.

Happy Lunar New Year, and Xīnnián hǎo! Happy Year of the Rabbit, and if you're Vietnamese, Happy Year of the Cat!

(Elmo, post the thread, or so help me)