In my early 20s I would often wallow in melancholia, chasing the sort of feeling evoked by 4chan “feels” threads. I think it had something to do with finding virtue in my solitude, my retreat from the world.
Monotonous weeks, even months went by without a single landmark to mark the horizon. It was like living in a lone, level abyss… I reached a point where even video games, tv shows, and other entertainment failed to keep my attention for long. My soul cried out for something real.
Many people make this desert their home. They wade through artificial cycles of empty novelties again and again and again… content with playing the latest games, watching the latest entertainment media, collecting the latest gadgets, watching the latest vid from their… twitter.com/i/web/status/1…
But something this emptiness gave me was an opportunity to discover a new path for myself toward a real purpose for my life. In a sense, it purified me, and I initiated myself into a new mystery school of a genuine identity.
My old bonds were severed, and I was able to move freely in a new direction, unencumbered by old influences, relationships, and values. It opened me up to truly internalize the understanding and principles that I live by today.
Now, I have a wife, two children, and a definite line ahead of me, leading me to a definite goal and sense of “homewardness” that brings a sense of order and purpose to my days. Milestones and landmarks surround me and orient my life in a way I never could have imagined.
Sometimes, I look up and see a bird against a golden sky at sunset, or I’m driving alone on the highway with a view of the city skyline, and I remember the melancholy of my early adulthood… but like a man who looks into the darkness from his cozy cabin, I can do this while still… twitter.com/i/web/status/1…
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