Social media apps as Lord of the Rings characters, a thread:
Twitter: Twitter is Gollum. Began as a normal halfling. Overexposure to evil left it thin and stretched and bitter.
Threads.
Threads is Gollum. Would do anything to acquire the precious.
Bluesky. Bluesky is Gollum. Isolated to an unhealthy degree, veers wildly between moods. Mostly nude.
Mastodon. Mastodon is Gollum. Specifically, this Gollum. You can tell it’s him, but it just doesn’t quite look right.
Facebook. Facebook is Gollum. No depths it won’t delve to. Soul almost entirely rotted away. Disquieting but pathetic. Impossible to get rid of it.
Post. Post is Gollum.
Instagram. Instagram is Gollum.
LinkedIn is this guy. https://t.co/UB4mqt0i4N
TikTok. TikTok is Gollum. Highly performative. Deeply disturbing. Didn’t speak for ages and now won’t stop; does both parts of the dialogue.
Truth Social is Gollum.
SnapChat is Gollum. Has no idea what’s taters, precious.
Letterboxd. Letterboxd is this guy. Lives his best life. Does his own thing. Nobody really talks about him.
Quota is probably that crew of glowing ghosts that killed and ate an oiliphaunt in the background of that one scene.
Hive is Gollum.
NextDoor is Ungoliant, mother of Shelob born before time, who came from the darkness itself and looked on the world in envy, whose hunger was so insatiable that in the end she devoured even herself.
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