Thread by @Gozutrucker69

gonna make a thread where i watch and rate every Epic Rap Battle of History. this is that thread.

"why"

i feel like it. gonna just go season by season at random. gonna watch each once or twice at most with cold reads on winners

6. justin bieber vs ludwig van beethoven

first one with good costuming, beethoven looks like hes straight out of a painting. beethoven won

7. albert einstein vs stephen hawking

if you ignore this one being ableist its the first good one. hawking won

8. genghis khan vs easter bunny

buh?

9. napoleon dynamite vs napoleon bonaparte

this was so one sided for dynamite that it was a little depressing

10. benjamin franklin vs billy mays

this is the first actually really good one. its so even they had to kill billy mays
i gotta give this to ben just barely

11. dumbledore vs gandalf

gandalf went for the below-the-belt homophobia so dumbledore wins by default. neither was very good though

12. shakespeare vs dr. seuss

this one was really creative, although i wish seuss got SOMETHING instead of just using his characters.
shakespeare won

13. mr t vs mr rogers

i feel like they intentionally rigged this for rogers for the sake of comedy

14. captain kirk vs christopher columbus

i'm anti-italian so kirk wins

15. nicepeter vs epiclloyd

that's season 1.

break over im going back in

16. darth vader vs hitler round 2

i hate how even this one is. i cant decide who wins

17. leonidas vs master chief

neither was very good. i'll give it to chief though

18. wright brothers vs mario brothers

maybe controversial but this is the first 10/10 erb imo. gotta give it to the wrights. the beat was so good

19. michael jackson vs elvis

kid jackson has the strongest verse in this battle but i feel like adult jackson fumbled it. giving this one to elvis. still really good

20. cleopatra vs marilyn monroe

cleopatra went for such a low blow they had to give monroe a third verse

21. bill gates vs steve jobs

snoozer. i guess bill win

22. freddie mercury vs frank sinatra

gotta give this one to mercury. i liked the beat in this one

23. mitt romney vs barack obama

i liked how they got obama's speaking pattern down in this one

24. dr who vs dr brown

meh.

25. bruce lee vs clint eastwood

"you dont belong in a sweatshop / so go ahead, make my ipod" was so racist i got knocked out and missed the rest of the fight

26. batman vs sherlock holmes

this was so one sided for holmes its kinda ridiculous. the holmes/watson banter was really good

good look at how the nolan movies affected batman's rep at the time

THEN, DISCOMBOBULATE

27. Santa Claus vs Moses

its snoop fucking dogg, who the hell do you think won

28. adam vs eve

i hate my wife

29. martin luther king vs gandhi

martin won. it was fine

30. nikola tesla vs thomas edison

another snoozer. i think i'd give it to tesla just because his voice is pleasant to listen to

31. lance armstrong vs babe rught

babe ruth didnt take this seriously at all so he wins

32. mozart vs skrillex

i guess mozart won. this one was boring

33. rasputin vs stalin

pewdiepie was on screen for 2 seconds and i felt like i got punched in the balls

gorbachev won

that's season 2. jesus christ these were worse than i remembered. im tapping out again

you know what i ought to do after indulging in the magical whimsy of LWA?

that's right. season 3 time

34. adolf hitler vs darth vader round 3

vader won this one barely. they each only really had 1 proper verse

35. al capone vs blackbeard

most 6/10 erb in existence. the fucking assassins creed gag in the background kinda took me out of it

36. joan of arc vs miley cyrus

this one is probably the most dated one ever. cringed hard. uhhh i guess joan won

37. picasso vs bob ross

this one was good. not great but fine. i like it when try including speech quirks like bob's very calm tone. picasso won with just his own namedrop though

38. michael jordan vs muhammad ali

pretty even, great beat, good flow. not a 10/10 but a solid 8/10. anyway ali murdered him

39. donald trump vs ebeneezer scrooge

considering the later presidential raps this is like the ERB equivalent of shanks showing up to prelude him oneshotting kidd 1000 chapters from now
kanye was here

no-one won. everyone lost

40. walter white vs rick grimes

they managed to make epiclloyd look so much like bryan cranston it made me uncomfortable. he intimidated me into giving him a W

41. goku vs superman

its the fucking DOING YOUR MOM guy as goku i cant take this seriously

42. edgar allan poe vs stephen king

they actually studied poe's poems for this one i'm pretty sure and it shows. easy win for poe

43. isaac newton vs bill nye

hate to ever give a w to neil but he had the best verse here

44. george washington vs william wallace

The Hard Drive should've hired me to review these for them because i think by now my desperation at this own hell i've created has become so obvious. i desire freedom, yet i must watch more

45. The Artists vs The TMNT

this one should be really good but it just isn't because the turtles barely even get to do anything. the artists just totally trounce them. the artists were also kinda mutant racist

season 3. lets continue the suffering and do 4 too

46. Mythbusters vs Ghostbusters

this one was actually a 10/10 i think. good flow, insane production values, and the extras popping up didnt hurt it

47. bonnie & clyde vs romeo & juliet

another 10/10? am i free from mid? are we in an erb peak era?

who won, really? who's even next? am i free?
(its bonnie & clyde)

48. zeus vs thor

there's no justice in this world. beneath every peak is an even deeper, abyssal mid.

49. jack the ripper vs hannibal lecter

this one was set up for hannibal considering his bars rely on pointing out how bad jack's are

50. oprah vs ellen degeneres

its a 7/10. oprah won. nothing else to say about it it was just fine. oprah's got a good singing voice

51. spielberg vs hitchcock

most brutal opener in erb history so spielberg automatically won
bay has the portion though. it's about motherfucking money

52. lewis & clark vs bill & ted

its obviously bill and ted

53. david copperfield vs harry houdini

who cares.

54. Robocop vs Terminator

this one was pretty good. liked both verses. i guess i'd give it to robocop for his directive to stay fresh

55. western philosophers vs eastern philosophers

the point is that no-one win. the chinese were racist in a funnier way though so they win

56. shaka zulu vs julius caesar

perhaps controversial but i consider this one another 10/10. solid verses for both with no real harsh low blows. it was also not racist which is like a hallmark for erb. i'd give it to shaka

57. stan lee vs jim henson

i used to love this one but nowadays im a bit cooler on it because disney's part on it just kinda ruins a good fight. i guess this goes to stan though

(coughing up blood) that's. that's season 4. i've got.. i've got like... half left to go...

i think ERB has like an inverse effect where they clearly get more and more budget and production values but they Dont get comparable growth in the writing skill so you have to take some of the worst bars you've ever heard with amazing (for a webseries) production values

its like you start off the year eating bad food but the presentation keeps getting better but the actual food is still bad

(the guards drag me in. i shake them off of me after i'm in the room and sit myself on the chair willingly.)

season 5.

58. George R. R. Martin vs J. R. R. Tolkien

this is a pretty good battle but it does not feel like a very fair read of martin as a person and more just what the public opinion of ASOAIF is, lol

anyway, tolkien won

59. Gordon Ramsay vs Julia Child

another 10/10 this time i think. gordon had the advantage of getting a lot of really good bits with the shows + hell's kitchen spoof, but its like. you're making her battle the grandmother of american tv cooks. its Julia no matter what

60. frederick douglass vs thomas jefferson

douglass has good verses and i'll always accept jefferson getting his nuts slapped but this was not an even battle at all. it was very much set up for douglass

61. austin powers vs james bond

austin's single verse was so nuclear that they had to rob him of his second by introducing connery bond into the mix

austin wins easy

im not fucking watching bruce banner vs bruce jenner

63. Alexander the Great vs Ivan the Terrible

OLD FRITZ
OLD FRITZ
OLD FRITZ
OLD FRITZ
OLD FRITZ

this is a gimmick battle and i agree it outstays its welcome but frederick really did win in exactly 12 bars

64. donald trump vs hillary clinton

this battle has this problem where they were so obviously biased for hillary that they let trump be the ultimate heel with some truly foul and evil verses that were so entertaining i gotta give it to him. they wanted hillary to win too bad

65. ash ketchum vs charles darwin

darwin pulled out the "dae mobile phones ruined society???" bar so i gotta give it to ash

66. Stevie Wonder vs Wonder Woman

this is literally the first one i think i could show to a normal person without cringing out of my asshole.

its not a coincidence that t-pain supposedly wrote most of his bars himself.

67. Tony Hawk vs Wayne Gretzky

objectively this is one of their best ones. solid verses, great beat, zero cringe to be seen
but i cant help but to think this was written explicitly for like your 47 year old dad and not You

68. Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill

another genuine 10/10 tbh. gotta give it to teddy but its a close one

69. Epiclloyd vs NicePeter (round 2)

that wasnt actually too bad.

lets finish this later tonight.

70. Elon Musk vs Mark Zuckerberg

this was done back when musk was the king of reddit. its thus incredibly fucking funny now. zuck took that fraud out back

71. wolverine vs freddy krueger

i mean. he kinda won instantly with that

72. guy fawkes vs che guevara

i forgot everything in this one the moment it ended

73. ronald mcdonald vs burger king

this shit was really good until fucking wendys got in the picture and then it got genuinely unwatchable. i hate trend chasing so much. can i please see my wife ive watched 73 of these

74. george carlin vs richard pryor

they killed bill cosby in this one

75. jacques cousteau vs steve irwin

irwin won this easily. they got his mannerisms down

76. mother teresa vs sigmund freud

i hate sigmun freud so much

77. vlad the impaler vs dracula

both of them were like whispering all their lyrics and it was kinda funny. "youre smoking crackula" made me give it to vlad

78. pennywise vs joker

pennywise's verses genuinely were painful to listen to

79. thanos vs oppenheimer

lets ignore thanos's costume looking terrible and his voice being bad

oppenheimer started with this.

80. Biden vs Trump

this has the hillary vs trump problem where its really set up for one side but, to their credit

they let biden say this

81 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH ITS ANOTHE RCUCKING LEGO ONE GO AWAY

that was season 6. i still have like 10-ish to go that arent a part of a season yet i guess

ITS ONLY 4 HOLY SHIT IM ALMOPST OUT

82. ragnar lodbrok vs richard the lionheart

this was really good but richard said this and i was out of it for the rest of the fight

83. Mansa Musa vs Jeff Bezos

this one was just like, real good. nice beat. mansa musa ate that fuck alive

84. john wick vs john rambo vs john mcclane

what should i do with my soon to be found freedom. i could do anything. i could become a king after this weight

85. Lara Croft vs Indiana Jones

its over.
lara won.

It's over.

I can finally pass on. Go home, everyone.