Thread by @maaaaychu

It's a beautiful morning, I have a cup of coffee, and I choose violence.

Here are NINTEY NINE of my #kingdomhearts hot takes! 🧵👇

1. As someone who is a KH fan, I still don’t know what the fuck Kingdom Hearts even is.

2. Birth by Sleep ruined the KH story because…

3. I hate the Keyblade War. Remember when Sora was the ‘chosen one?’ I think the Keyblade war made having a keyblade not special.

4. Only Sora (and all his variants eg. Roxas, Xion, etc.), Riku, Kairi, Mickey and maybe Xehanort should have keyblades. Lea SHOULDN'T have one because…

5. Lea/Axel was cooler when he had chakrams… Bring them back!

6. THE MOBILE GAME SHOULD'NT HAVE BEEN CANON! DEAR GOD WHY WAS THE MOBILE GAME CANON?! WHY!

7. I hate the story of the mobile game. Fuck the houses. Fuck Luxu, and fuck the McGuffin box

8. That being said, the mobile game wasn’t bad gameplay wise for a mobile game. But you can’t even play it anymore I think? So fuck me I guess.

9. Kingdom Hearts was more enjoyable when the Disney villains were more prominent. I want the Disney villains to be a part of the Organization somehow, not just side antagonists.

10. DREAM DROP DISTANCE IS THE WORST KH GAME! No enemy knockback. Terrible story. I don’t like the Sora/Riku switching mechanic because…

11. DDD would have been better as 2 stories separately a la BBS rather than switch back and forth at critical times and be interrupted.
Still would be a bad game but would be less bad.

12. Also, the Balloon spell was fun once but then became lame...

13. The best thing about DDD was that it introduced people to The World Ends With You (including me)

14. And that it had Traverse Town because…

15. Traverse Town is objectively the best world in Kingdom Hearts. FIGHT ME!

16. The card mechanics in Re: Chain of Memories was stupid. I never finished the game because of it.

17. "Don’t Think Twice" is the best KH song. I will not elaborate.

18. Kingdom Hearts Re: Coded wasn’t that bad. In fact, I would say it is a good game! Unlike DDD

19. Although 358/2 Days was the best KH side game! Even if the title made no sense whatsoever

20. It deserves a remake!!!! Please Square!

21. Kairi always gets shafted... She deserves to be a playable character!

22. Naimé also got shafted. She took away Sora’s memories and then was never relevant again. If Kairi can use a keyblade, she should be able to as well right? Like how Roxas does because Sora can?

23. The best Gummi Ship iteration was in KH1 because it was the least intrusive. Because…

24. I don’t give a fuck about the Gummi Sections. I do appreciate that they’re in the game, but most of the time they are a slog to get through because I want to get to the ‘good part’ of the game.

25. Goofy ‘dying’ was the funniest shit I’ve ever seen

26. Roxas > Sora He’s my sweet baby boy!

27. Also… Roxas > Ventus Fuck you fight me. THEY MAY LOOK THE SAME BUT THEY’RE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!!!

28. Donald is a good party member. He shouldn’t have to heal you so much. You just suck at the game :)

29. It’s a shame playing through the Disney worlds twice didn’t come back in KH3. The best KH plots are the original plots in the Disney worlds, not just a recap of the movie.

30. Speaking of... KH3 worlds are too big and samey. I wish there were more small, but varied environments like the castle town in the Kingdom of Corona.

31. I changed my mind, Vantias getting yeeted was the funniest shit I’ve ever seen.

32. Xemnas is the best antagonist/boss fight in KH

33. The Pride Rock sections in KH2 were bad.

34. However, I did appreciate the variety, so I think they should do it again

35. The second funniest thing I’ve ever seen was Ursala saying “poopsies”

36. The Atlantis rhythm game in KH2 wasn’t that bad. As long as you just did it all in one go like I did lol.

37. Skateboarding was fucking rad! BRING IT BACK!!

38. Final Fantasy Summons should be in KH as well! It’s an FF x Disney crossover! Lean into the FF more!

39. Lightning should have been in KH3 and I hope she’s in KH4

40. Same with 2B and 9S! If TWEWY can make it in, then other Square properties should be able to as well!

41. Nomora? Hate that guy.

42. Why was there time travel in KH? The writers must have been getting desperate.

43. And Organization XIII being basically all Xehanorts was fucking lame

44. Sora has gotten worse over the years and become a caricature of himself. He was always an anime protag but he’s become more ‘anime’ with every iteration.

45. There’s a town outside the Destiny Islands? How come we have never seen it?? Missed opportunity 🙁

46. I’ve never gotten a ultima weapon in KH and never will. All that work and for what? To make the game easier? Nah bro just get good

47. Decisive Pumpkin is the best and coolest keyblade

48. The “Power of Waking” shit makes no fucking sense.

49. While I love the reflect and magnet spells in KH2. It’s a good thing they didn’t make it to 3. They were OP as all hell

50. The story for KH games should focus on the Disney worlds and not whatever the fuck Nomora came up while tripping. Idc that mansex needs therapy, I want to see Sora, Donald, and Goofy meddle in some Disney stuff!

51. Sea salt ice cream is delicious! You should make it sometime!

52. Monstro was the worst world in KH1

53. Pride Lands is the worst world in KH2

54. Arendelle was the worst world in KH3

55. The Jungle was the best Disney world in KH1 RIP Tarzan in KH 😢

56. Twilight Town was the best world in KH2 I love the aesthetic!!

57. But Port Royal was the best Disney world in KH2!

58. Scala ad Caelum was the best world in KH3. I love it’s aesthetic so much I want to live there!

59. The Caribbean was the best Disney world in KH3 (again)
They literally just put Assassin's Creed IV into Kingdom Hearts!

60. The monkey heartless was the best heartless because it was a monkey

61. The dancer nobodies are bullshit. I hate them so much...

62. Valor Form was the most fun drive form in KH2

63. Genie is the best summon of all time!

64. Tron is the best Disney world party member. I will not elaborate.

65. Dream Eaters are stupid.

66. Even though they’re OP, I love the variety of spells that are in KH1. I wish the later games had more spell variety

67. What happened to Titus and Wakka in KH1? The Destiny Islands fell to darkness and we never saw them again... The Titus/Wakka plot line needs to be resolved!

68. The 100 Acre Wood sections are awesome! They are very cute! I feel like they felt like an afterthought though in KH3...

69. Riku is a bottom.

70. WHERE IS MAX??

71. Sora x Kairi ship is really forced. Especially how much romantic tension there is now between Axel and Kairi.

72. Call me a KH2 boomer, but the character design PEAKED in that game!

73. The fights in the Keyboard graveyard in kh3 would have been so epic if they weren’t so chaotic and stupid. Why did they make them a 3 on 3???

74. Controlling Riku in the final boss in KH2 was cool once, but then you realize how dog shit he controls

75. Flow motion was fun to use in DDD but that’s where it should have died.

76. The boss arenas in KH3 are WAYY to big. Shotlock and flow motion are used as bandaids for that flaw. Fighting bosses becomes tedious because you have to chase them down so much...

77. After you beat a world, you should be able to get a summon of the party member of that world so you can use there limit on any other world. Would really drive home how everyone Sora meets their hearts get connected to his

78. Jiminy Cricket should have a limit break because it would be funny as hell and also remind players that he’s there!

79. KH1 had the best story of any KH game. It was simple and childlike and that’s all a Disney crossover game needed to be successful tbh

80. The best thing to come out of BBS was the armor. It needs to come back because it was fire!

81. The art style of KH3 is worse than the other games. It has a “plastic” like look. Good on Toy Box though I guess lol

82. I don’t know who this mobile game girl is and I don’t care. KH4 is going to be a dumpster fire

83. Yozora should have just been a cool reference to a dead game but now he and Nomora’s other fan fic characters are going to be important to the story? Nomara please just let your darlings die...

84. Why is Kairi forever in keyblade training? Is she getting her ducking PhD??? It’s not like Sora got any training when he started. Release her Nomara

85. Aqua is the best Kingdom Hearts character ever. Fight me!

86. Terra became infinitely cooler once he got Alphonse Elric-ed. That dude needed stfu

87. Why did these organization members come back once they got their hearts back??? In the old Org XIII they were gaslighted into believing they didn’t have hearts and that they needed to get them back, but why now?? I swear they just had nothing better to do...

88. KH1 Sora has got to be the worst fit imaginable. Is he wearing a onesie with a giant front zipper underneath his tiny ass jacket??

89. Star Wars should NOT be added to KH. I will not elaborate.

90. Vanitus is a dumb character. Xehanort’s little bitch boy more like

91. “Oh haha! Xehanort was good all along!” Stfu. God awful fucking prick

92. KH needs more Seifer. He was clearly the best Twilight Town character (besides Roxas)

93. GOD why do they have to have a story reason that Sora gets reset in every game? How is this boy so stupid that he forgets everything all the time??

94. Mechanically, Sora should look like Roxas after KH1. How does Sora have a body if Roxas exists? A nobody is the body left behind after someone becomes a heartless, which Sora did. So, wouldn’t that mean that Roxas is in Sora’s original body? Wth is Sora then???

95. Mickey Mouse is literally a piece of shit. He left aqua to die in hell for like 10 years and did nothing about it???

96. What powers do the princesses of heart even have? The power to get captured? If they’re so powerful, then they should be a force to be reckoned with!

97. In fact… the guardians of light should be the princesses, NOT the keyblade wielders!

98. Attractions was a great addition to Kingdom Hearts

99. Finally,,, my last hot take is that Kingdom Hearts is a fucking stupid franchise.

(But god damn it I still love it)