Thread by @this_is_mallory

I paid $11 for this Vision Healing Masterclass so you don’t have to 🤓 This is my saturday morning cartoons.

Lol “empowerment purposes”.

Samantha has clarified that we will not be learning how the eyes work, but did direct us to an Andrew Huberman youtube video yo watch later.

Also apparently these medical reasons are not root causes, only diagnoses.

Plot twist. Now we can change our eye colour. I look forward to becoming a blue-eyed skeptic.

She said at the start that she had 4 hours of material for a 2 hour masterclass, but it’s been 30 minutes and we haven’t been taught anything tangible yet.

We’re just reading testimonials, and one is from her husband.

Okay we’re finally getting somewhere…

She keeps referencing studies and how everything is well studied and “just makes sense”.

Okay now we’re learning about how glasses are a barrier between us and others and it’s a way of hiding from the world.

Y’all. You don’t need glasses, you just need to let go of the belief that you can’t see.

“Decide today that you can see and your body knows how to heal”.
*compares to when you cut yourself and your body heals it

Then a quick pivot to magic mushrooms.

Now we’re saying affirmations together.

She also just said we’re blowing through this and might have time for questions at the end. At the start she said she had 4 hours of material and would probably go over the 2 hour mark.

I’m honestly bored because it’s the same shit I see every wellness influence peddle as cures.

Less than 75 minutes into a 120 minute masterclass and it kinda seems like we’re wrapping up?

Spoke too soon. There’s more.

Folks in the chat are claiming they can see better already?

Second “eye health break” of the masterclass.

Ah yes, you can’t see because you need to work on your inner child.

Quite possibly the best $11 I’ve ever spent.

Okay so THIS is actually what I’ve been waiting for.

Samantha is a @doterra essential oils rep, and I knew she wouldn’t be able to resist including it.

Hey @doterra can your reps claim your oils can heal vision?

@doterra Now she’s going off on fluoride.

@doterra Yeeeeeeah this is where it gets not funny for me.

@doterra Wouldn’t be a wellness influencer masterclass without a product pitch 💁🏻‍♀️

Again, I had a sneaky suspicion this was a trojan horse for a @doterra mention.

@doterra The entire class has turned into a @doterra sales pitch 😂

@doterra Reminder: This is supposed to be a Masterclass on healing vision.

@doterra Okay this just got fucked.

Hey @doterra can your reps be making these claims??

DO NOT PUT ESSENTIAL OILS IN YOUR EYES!

@doterra It’s official. This is the whole reason this masterclass exists.

Hey @doterra can Samantha be making these claims??

@doterra I am a few of these.

@doterra Presentation is over and we’re starting Q&A. She also just reminded everyone she’s not an expert in eye health.

Of course she’s going off on an anti-sunglasses rant, saying wearing them makes us sunburn more.

Another @doterra pitch and sharing where we can go if we want to work with her.

@doterra Someone just asked about putting saliva in your eyes before sun-gazing and Samantha replied “I don’t know but try it out” 🫠

@doterra So she said she’s not a “pharma doctor” or a vision expert, but in this Q&A she’s giving medical advice - obviously @doterra essential oils.

@doterra Epigenetics is the theme of this Q&A.

@doterra Someone asked if she had any tips for ADHD and she said yes and so now she’s giving advice on ADHD.

@doterra Still 70 people on the call and she’s finally wrapping it up.

Two and a half hours later. Thanks everyone for following along 🫡

I’ll get the recording too. Should I do anything with it?

Y’all the course worked! 🐍