Thread by @sewistwrites

I'm a day late for the Monday Mashup, but I am HERE today with the human form of the 💯 emoji: Jane Austen characters × Brooklyn 99 quotes.

A thread. 🧵

John Willoughby: "You should make me your campaign manager. I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying."

Harriet Smith (reading improving literature): "Your theory is wrong. The Greeks did not climb out of the Trojan horse's butt."

Lydia Bennet: "How was I supposed to know there'd be consequences for my actions?"

Marianne Dashwood (nearly dead from a fever): "The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be."

Mr. Darcy: "A place where everybody knows your name is hell. You’re describing hell."

Captain Wentworth: "You can hate people and still think they're hot."

Robert Martin: "All right. I'm gonna go cry."

Mr. Bennet: "Don't get comfy. This isn't an invitation to keep talking."

Mrs. Elton: "Do you know how many basic bitches would kill to have my personality?"

Caroline Bingley: “You think you can just bully people, but you can’t. It’s not OK. I’m the bully around here. Ask anyone.”

Fanny Dashwood: "The only reason I didn’t tell you is I don’t value you as people, so why be honest?”

Jane Fairfax: "I may be a liar, but I've got great teeth and no one can take that from me."

John Knightley: "It has been a true pleasure to watch your distracting childish rivalry evolve into a distracting childish courtship and now into what I’m sure will be a distracting childish marriage. I’m proud of you. And I love you both."

Anne Elliot: "Um, did something awkward happen? I can probably relate.”

Mary Bennet: "Yeah, but that was before I knew I could get up on this high horse. Love the view up here. Clip clop. Clip clop. Clip clop."

Mr. Knightley: "Do you know what it means to clap back? Because 👏 I 👏 do!" 👏

Sir William Lucas: "Why is no one having a good time? I specifically requested it."

Emma Woodhouse: "I do not see you as a father figure. If anything I see you as a bother figure, because you're always bothering.”

Elinor Dashwood: "VINDICATION!"

(applicable in several contexts lol)

Elizabeth Bennet: "Lady Catherine, good to see you. But if you’re here, who’s guarding Hades?”

Fanny Price: "That's right, I am a NARC. A Nationally Accredited and Registered Chaperone."

Charlotte Lucas Collins: "This is horrible. We are not ready for this. This is a level one responsibility. I am a level two at best, and you are not even a level."

Mrs. Jennings: "I've just discovered a new drug too. It's called your relationship, and I'm high on it."

Louisa Musgrove: "I was legally dead for two full minutes. And I met God."

George Wickham: "I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.”

Mr. Woodhouse: "Why are you giving candy to a baby in the first place? Don't give a baby candy! They can't brush their teeth!"

Jane Bennet: "So if it's okay... I'd like to be upset with you."

Miss Bates: "COWABUNGA, MOTHER!"

Lady Bertram: "I've only had Pug for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, I would k1ll everyone in the room and then myself."

Mary Musgrove: "I am prepared to light Charles on fire in protest."

And this doesn't fit the template I've been using for these, but who cares, it's my party and I'll mess it up if I want to.

In conclusion, Mary Bennet at the pianoforte: