Thread by @classiccarguru1

A few days ago I found out my 86yr old mum with dementia had had a fall & been admitted to hospital
I didn’t know which hospital so had to cold call the ones in the area
No luck
I thought this can’t be so called them all again
Fortunately I got a different receptionist at one….

She said my mum had been admitted but couldn’t tell me any more due to patient confidentiality!!!
I asked to speak to the ward or a manager
I was told that wasn’t possible as the receptionist didn’t know what ward as she was the A&E receptionist not the main hospital reception…

I call the main hospital & was told they had no record of mum
I explained that I’d spoken to A&E I knew the day she was admitted & that she was moved to the main hospital
They then said sorry we can’t give out patient information
“Look I just want to know if my mum is okay!”

The receptionist wouldn’t tell me
I called back a couple of hours later & got a different person
This time I asked what ward an elderly person with dementia who had a fall would be admitted to?
I was told 1 of 2 wards so asked to be put through to the first one
Then got cut off..

I called back & asked to be connected to the 1st Ward
A nurse answered & had no recollection on her shift of my mum
I asked to be put back to the switchboard, but the nurse couldn’t do that so had to call back via reception & listen to 5 minutes of recorded options all again

This time I asked for the 2nd ward
Nurse answered & didn’t know so she went to get her manager
I explained the situation & the ward manager said “we are not allowed to give out patient information”
I was getting very frustrated by now
“What can you tell me!”

“I can tell you that Mrs***was admitted on *** date & discharged on *** date”
“Is she okay?”
“I can’t disclose patient information”
“But is she okay? Where has she been discharged too? She’s not at home?
“I can’t disclose patient information”
“This is ridiculous I’m her son!”

This went back and forth
I was getting very frustrated & finding it hard to stay calm as I knew the minute I challenged her or showed any anger she’d end the call

“Where was she discharged to? She’s 86 & has Dementia, she isn’t at home!”

“I need you to tell me if you discharged her to home, if you did we need to find her! I need you to give me some idea of her injuries, treatment or new medication, has she broken any bones?

“We can’t give out patient information”

“I’m begging you to tell me, I need to know she is okay”

“We can only give you an admission date & a discharge date, sorry it’s our policy. I have to go now this is a busy ward”

She ended the call

I then phoned back the main reception & asked to speak to someone in charge of the hospital

She referred me to the website

I know she’s not at home

I’m going to phone the hospital ward again this morning when the day shift is on & see if I can speak to somebody with the tiniest sense of compassion & common sense

If that doesn’t work then what do I do next?

Phone every care home in a 50mile radius?

The neighbour who told me she’d had a fall & gone to hospital is keeping a look out for me but says she never came home

This Hospital system needs to change, I fully respect patient confidentiality but in these circumstances please show some compassion

Thanks for all the advice folks♥️

So I have tried PALS at the hospital

They need her NHS number - I don’t have that
I gave name, addresss, DOB, dates of admittance & discharge- they confirmed these are correct but can’t give me any information as there isn’t a N.O.K on file….

PALS can’t help me due to patient confidentiality
GP surgery can’t help me due to patient confidentiality
Hospital Ward I tracked her down to having been in, can’t help me due to patient confidentiality
Can’t get LPA without Courts

Guess I have no option now but the Police

UPDATE

I’ve just found out the name of a Care Home the hospital discharged her to thanks to a different PALS lady

I’ve called the Care Home

Immediate Barrier!

They wouldn’t confirm she is there even though I said hospital said so
Taken my contact details

Awaiting a callback

It’s been a couple of hours, no call back so I just called them
They’re still doing “checks”on the details I gave them & said it may not be today now because the person has gone home!
I said I’d drive 4hrs there in person with id, I was told they wouldn’t let me in until verified

Even though they refuse to acknowledge she’s there
from the response I’m sure she is
If I set off now & hit traffic it’s going to be 9pm or later & they’ve said they’ll refuse me entry
9pm she’ll probably be in bed so I can’t cause disruption
I guess I’ve just got to wait it out

Just called & spoken with the care home manager
Her response to me

“I have spoken with the resident & she has no recollection of you or the name you gave for her grandson, so unfortunately we cannot progress any further”

Is this the iD check - ask the person with dementia?

I need to get my head together

She was reasonably compos mentis before Christmas

I’m wondering if this fall may be stroke related or something that’s exasperated the condition

I don’t know what to do next, bit of a mess at the moment

Just phoned them back

They have ACTUALLY reported ME to the Police for trying to access a vulnerable person!!

WTAF

After much debate they have given me their Police Ref Number

I’m now calling their local Police station

You can’t make this shit up

Apologies for my language

Just spoken to the Police, lovely lady who actually has parent in same situation
Police advice is that I should not approach the Care Home at ALL

They have the right to refuse me access if they believe their patient may be caused distress if they do not recognise them

Furthermore, they have the right to call the Police & Remove me if I visit

The advice now is I have to find the social worker assigned to mum & go through her to apply for access

While I’m waiting now for Social Services to call me back, just spoken with
I need to prove I’m mums son
Get this- because I’m over 50 my birth certificate isn’t valid because anyone can apply for ANY birth certificate of ANYONE over 50 on an Ancestry sitedementiasupport.org

This is madness on top of madness

I have to find 2 or more persons that know me & mum to certify my identity as her son in combination with my documents ideally at a solicitors

Okay I have some news, it isn’t exactly ideal, but a start until I can get action via social services
In the meantime it appears my mum is being used on the Care Home Website to promote their services

Update:

Despite what I’d been told I spent Saturday in the Attic at home
I found my parents wedding photos, pics of me growing up & pics with mum & me in
Armed with these plus every bit of iD I have & some objects she May remember (my teddy as a child etc)
I drove 5hrs today

I got to the nursing home & expecting trouble & was prepared for the Police to be called
It actually went okay, very frosty initially but quickly relaxed
My mum was being served breakfast
So I waited a short while

When I saw her it was obvious all wasn’t well

She didn’t know who I was, not even after prompting
She can’t move her right arm which the home isn’t sure about
She hasn’t been assessed yet by social services which is why I couldn’t get any information from them or a call back
They are due to do this in 2 weeks!

It’s not clear but my feeling is she may have had a stroke
I found out that she was discharged from hospital to home after the first fall around New Year’s Day but fell again within 48hrs & ended back in A&E- this explains some of the confusion of where she was discharged to

The situation for now is stable & I’m now on the “care list” at the home
Despite not knowing who anyone is she is still chatty & upbeat but can’t remember anything after a few minutes, that’s she’s said or done

It’s not been an easy day

Thank you to everyone sending ♥️
It helps

Thanks again for all the kind words

I’m not interested in the Press getting involved, so I’m asking please don’t tag them into the thread

It’s early days & I’m still unpicking what happened, so please understand this is stressful enough without the newspaper’s

Thanks♥️

Just an update for everyone who has been so kind with their help & replies to this thread
I’ve visited & mum is settled at the care home & despite the rough start she’s been X-ray’d & the right arm is advanced arthritis
Got her some new glasses (lost in Hospital)
1 of 2

2 of 2
The house has to be compulsory sold to pay for her care so I’ve been busy these last 3 days making a start so that it’s presentable for viewing
Emotional as we grew up there from 1972
3 days & barely scratched the surface
Mum is blissfully unaware which is probably best