Luis Malheiro Profile picture
Exploring and writing stories about the greatest minds in human history. Writing the next chapter of my story on š•.

Jan 10, 21 tweets

This man was the luckiest fool who ever lived.

Everyone laughed at his business decisions.

But each "terrible" investment made him a fortune.

Here's the crazy story of Lord Timothy Dexter šŸ§µ:

Born in 1747 to Irish immigrants, Dexter's early life was rough.

At age 8, he dropped out of school to work at a farm due to his family's financial situation.

When he was 16, he became a leather tanner in Boston.

Things started to change with one marriage...

Dexter married Elizabeth Frothingham, a wealthy widow.

He was finally moving away from poverty.

It was now time to fit in with Boston's elite.

But the rich kids wouldn't let him sit at their table.

He had to show them he deserved to be there.

In 1779, the Continental Dollar (America's 1st "currency") started collapsing.

Boston's wealthiest bought some to support war veterans.

Dexter had to do better.

He bought 20% of all Continental dollars with almost everything he had.

This madness ended up being a genius move.

In 1789, Alexander Hamilton became Treasury Secretary.

He was given one task: solve the debt crisis.

Part of his plan involved redeeming Continental dollars for Treasury bonds at 1% face value.

Dexter bought them for almost nothing, so he became wealthy.

Boston noticed it.

People wanted to ruin Dexter after his success.

They told him he should "sell coal to Newcastle."

Which means doing something pointlessly stupid.

But Dexter didn't know that...

He loaded a ship with coal and sent it to Newcastle.

England's biggest coal-mining city.

This had disaster written all over it.

Except no one could predict what was about to happen.

His ship arrived during a massive miners' strike.

Coal prices had skyrocketed.

Dexter made a fortune from this trade.

Lady luck was again by his side.

And it was not the last time.

People kept trying to bankrupt Dexter.

They suggested he ship warming pans to the West Indies.

Dexter shipped 42,000 of them.

How could he succeed in selling bed warmers in a tropical climate?

The locals had no use for bed warmers...

But it turned out they made perfect ladles for the booming molasses industry.

Dexter sold the entire inventory at a 79% profit.

His terrible decision worked.

Maybe it was not just luck.

His business intellect was increasing.

He was seeing opportunities everywhere.

Like the stray cat problem in Newburyport...

Newburyport was overwhelmed with stray cats.

People voted to kill the cats but it ended in a 50-50 tie.

Dexter had the solution.

He offered to buy the cats.

What unusual business idea was he cooking?

He shipped the cats to the Caribbean.

They had a rat infestation.

Dexter sold every single one at a profit.

Simple and effective.

His next venture?

Selling Bibles to the East Indies.

Dexter bought a large quantity at a discounted price.

He wanted to make a profit.

How was he going to do that in a region where Christianity wasn't yet widespread?

His timing was remarkable.

The shipment arrived in the East Indies when there were lots of missionaries in the region.

They were in desperate need of Bibles and bought the entire supply.

Another great success.

It was time for people to recognize him.

He started calling himself "Lord Timothy Dexter."

And he wanted others to do the same.

So he offered rewards for those who did:
ā€¢ One quarter to children who called him "Lord Chester"
ā€¢ Dinner and drinks for adults who used the title

Dexter didn't stop there.

He bought a mansion and filled its garden with 40 statues of history's greatest:

ā€¢ Napoleon
ā€¢ Louis XVI
ā€¢ Lord Timothy Dexter

His statue stated: "I am the first in the East, the first in the West, and the greatest philosopher in the Western World"

This tale deserved a book

In 1802, at age 50, Dexter wrote it: "A Pickle for the Knowing Ones"

A book with:
ā€¢ No punctuation
ā€¢ Random capitalization
ā€¢ Numerous misspellings and grammatical errors
ā€¢ His demands to be named Emperor of the USA

And like everything else with Dexter, it was a success.

The book was so bad it became famous.

When readers complained about the lack of punctuation, Dexter published a second edition...

With an appendix full of punctuation marks that readers could "peper and solt it as they plese."

It was reprinted 8 times.

Timothy Dexter died in 1806.

Some say he was just an idiot with incredible luck.

Others argue he was secretly brilliant at spotting hidden opportunities.

Either way, his story proves that sometimes the worst decisions can have the best outcomes.

I hope you enjoyed this thread.

What do you think: Was Dexter an idiot savant or just the luckiest fool who ever lived?

Follow @iamluismalheiro for more stories like this.

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