Thread by @BecomingCritter

You hear Costco is great. One friend describes it as a 'shopping Disney World'. You start thinking about it. You have some extra cash. You decide to try it out, you'll save that much money in gas anyway! What's the worst that can happen?--

After struggling to find parking, you finally wheel in. The greeters look you in the eye (!?) You immediately see 150 inch TVs and a fence filled with the newest sales items. 60 batteries for $15? Do you even use batteries for anything? You're tempted.

Name brands. Low prices. An industrial-size food processor $80 off. A 5 pound cooked chicken $4.99. All kinds of organic meat and produce. Tons of wine, and most of it is 7.99? What the hell is this place??

You remain reserved, you pay $200 for most of the items you came for and maybe a little extra. You already know what you plan to buy next time. Even as you're checking out you're thinking about next time. The food court! You buy the famous $1.50 hot dog (comes with a free drink)

Over the next week you're going to work, you're spending time with your family. You can't get the idea of that huge box of breakfast sandwiches out of your head. And the size of that bag of almonds! You love almonds. Your wife knows you love almonds. You can't hold yourself back

You were reserved the last time, but your wife had to get her nails done. There's no one holding you back. Frozen orange chicken. Two 24-packs of la croix. Truffle lemon bites. You need it all. You'll use it all anyway. The family will love it.

One month goes by. Two months. You're looking at the vacation packages. You would never get a Macy's credit card but the Costco credit card gives you 5 PERCENT BACK ON GAS? How can you resist?

But now you have a Costco credit card. Why would you even think of shopping anywhere else? You get 2% back from your executive membership and another 2% back on the credit card. Plus the sales, the value, they have the best everything, you don't need to comparison shop

You are in the facebook groups, you're watching the costco tiktoks. Your friends are going to Sam's Club and BJs. You start questioning your friend's fundamental integrity. "Do you have duck?" Unfortunately we don't but the business center does. "Business Center?"

You go to the business center

What. The. Fuck.

Your face is right blown off. You have never seen deals like this, and the SELECTION? You begin calculating how many chest freezers your wife will let you buy. You are redesigning the garage in your mind. We don't really need that christmas stuff anyway do we? I'll build a shed

You're ravenous for deals. The star in the upper right corner, or if the cent cost is less than .99, means it's final sale? The facebook groups are now your home. You hear about the pokemon cards. They're selling them for 20% of the going price? You need those pokemon cards

You're calling every warehouse. Where are the pokemon cards? They're a costco exclusive. You can't even GET them anywhere else. "Costco is fucking amazing" you whisper to yourself. "Pokemon cards"

A supervisor looks up the order on WWPO and RHI on the AS-400. They got an order in this morning. That's perfect, you were already in the parking lot at 9:30. They're at the end of hardlines. You know what that means, you're a pro.

You're the first one there. You're not an idiot, you didn't grab a cart. You're piling pokemon cards onto your flat. A woman is standing behind you trying to get in, but you're wheeling. Her child is crying now. The child doesn't know anything about Costco.

You have a glassy look in your eyes as you make your way toward the register. You pass the dairy section. It's full of eggs. You only grabbed one flat, you fucking idiot. You piece of shit idiot. Other people are grabbing eggs. You're missing your chance.

It's such a good deal. You try to stack the pokemon cards higher to make room for eggs. The stack is getting shallower. Why does every retired person have to be here at open? you ask yourself, but there's no time to think. You start piling eggs on your overloaded flat.

Everyone is eyeing your flat. They're jealous, that's what they are. They want my pokemon cards. They're not getting my fucking pokemon cards. You head to the register, you're almost running. You've made it. There are no lines. The cashier asks to see your membership card

You fumble your wallet onto the belt as a supervisor approaches you. It's James, you love James. You know the names of his children. "Hey there Ross, how are you?"

He seems more professional than friendly. What is this about?

"Ross, it's great to see you, but I have some bad news, there's a 3-item-per-member limit on these" he points to the eggs. "And a 1-limit-per-member on...these" he points to the 10-foot-high stack of pokemon cards

You smile, you laugh. HOW CAN THAT BE? You ask yourself. You didn't realize you said it out loud. A manager is approaching now. She doesn't look happy. You're crying. So what if you're crying?

They put your 3 eggs and 1 pokemon card in a cart. You're shielding your eyes now. "I just--" James is very kind "It's okay Ross, we all make mistakes, they should make those signs bigger right?" But my family needs eggs. "We know Ross, but other people need eggs too buddy"

You're walking away. You don't want a hot dog. Member service marks your receipt. It's Karina. She asks about the kids, do they play pokemon cards?

No, Karina, they don't play pokemon cards