Thread by @HPluckrose

My observation is that very many women genuinely do not have an intuitive sense of how much stronger men are than women, because men have not used their strength against them &, when playing, hold back their strength.
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I do because I worked for many years with adults with 'challenging behaviour' (aggression) due to learning disability, dementia & brain injury. Risk assessments were very carefully done so I was only injured on three occasions. However...

When a man wasn't actually violent so I could work with him alone, but I had to help him with various essential things & he was confused & didn't want to let me, it becomes very clear how much stronger men are, even elderly, frail men.

I got trapped once by an immobile 97-year-old who must have been shorter than me in his prime when he did not understand that I was trying to empty his catheter bag & grabbed my wrist. I could not remove his hand even using my other hand & twisting the wrist he had hold of.

The husband, when we've been playing - squabbling over the remote control, grabbing me in a bear hug to keep me away from his chocolate etc. - reduced his strength to about equal with mine for that purpose & let me have a good shot at prising it out of his grip or wriggling away

My experience (because I've been fortunate enough not to date or be friends with an arsehole) is that men typically do this when playing. I've asked him not to in a safe way so I could test how much stronger than me he is.

Can I restrain one of his hands with both of mine? No. He can break out of that without much effort. What if it is twisted up his back? No, not even at that awkward angle. Can I stop him from walking if I put all my strength into pushing him back while he just walks normally? No.

But, I think, if I'd not worked in an environment where men did not have mental capacity to understand what they were doing & I had not tested this with my husband, I'd probably think he was definitely stronger than me, but not by a huge degree.

And I have observed that a lot of my friends who have not worked in that kind of environment, tested this or encountered a man who was willing to hurt or control her have this perception. Yes, men are stronger, obviously, but it's not a huge advantage. It really is, though.

@robot_slug Obviously, I'm not comparing the mentality of men and dogs around this, but occasionally I do remember that I share a home with two family members who are physically more powerful than me but this is reassuring rather than scary.

@rose1_scarlett @iamtexture But I now see you don't actually care what my point is. You just don't like me and are tiresome and tedious.

@Tara_lyn1 And, yes, shit is definitely getting weird out there! (Here too, but we're weird generally)

@cheezyridr Women who love and respect men don't tend to think of them as people who would want to take all their rights and freedoms away. They tend to regard them positively as people they want to share their lives with and trust.

@southlakesseo But when a man ends up in a secure unit/school/home due to intellectual disability, this is often why. The family cannot physically contain him when he gets upset & he cannot contain himself and so he is not safe through no fault of his own.

@southlakesseo A combination of severe learning disability & non-verbal autism is a particular risk because then the individual can get frustrated & overwhelmed & have a meltdown & also lack theory of mind re: impact on others. This is where sex makes a huge difference.

@southlakesseo That described the 22-year-old man who caused my worst injury - a chipped kneecap. He hit me with a chair during a meltdown. The other two had frontal lobe damage due to dementia & lost emotional regulation & impulse control & hit me in the head with crockery while I was kneeling

@southlakesseo The last place I worked at could only take people who needed 1 to 1 care (some people require 1 to 4) & it had one person who would hit out with all her strength, but it could include her because she had a genetic abnormality that made her the size of an 8-year-old & very weak.

@southlakesseo There was also a gentle giant of a man. Immensely strong. Very sweet. It was often commented that thank goodness his autism meltdown response was to freeze because if it had been to lash out, he'd have had to be in a secure unit on 4 to 1 care with the 4 realistically being men.

@southlakesseo So, I say ''only' 3 times' because that's over 17 years in various settings, mostly not secure units (only worked on one of those) & that's because risk assessments were good.

@southlakesseo And it doesn't feel psychologically traumatic in the way I think it would if the person knew what they were doing. Feels more like an accident. Maybe like a chef only suffering 3 bad cuts/scalds/burns over the same time period? You take care but the occasional accident happens.

@InterestingNum2 Women typically find strength an attractive feature in a man when they are confident it will never be used against them. The solidity of it is both comforting & sexy. It's only frightening to think of the gap when a man is aggressive or an unknown quantity.

@InterestingNum2 There are some weird political agendas right now. I recently saw a study which confirmed what I think most people already know. Women like 'dominant' men, but in the sense of being assertive & confident in wider life. They don't like being bossed about in a relationship.

@InterestingNum2 Well, some do, obviously, but I suspect the extreme 'trad life' people who valorise men being dominant & women submissive have a kink that they feel ashamed to acknowledge is one & play with in the bedroom while otherwise sharing life decisions/leading on different aspects of it