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Synthwave Florida Man

Aug 14, 16 tweets

1/ Many states say they are "multicultural" but Florida really is... and somehow it works.

Of course, the ruling demographics are a kind of conservative Redneck - Cuban alliance.

This results in eccentricities like Miami-Dade sometimes going as red as some rural counties.

2/ The state is half Southern, half not. I live right on the boundary, where Confederate flag bumper stickers are sometimes on the same truck belting out Daddy Yankee's Gasolina, or as one mutual @FLManSummer pointed out, an old style F150 belting out Eurodance.

@FLManSummer 3/ Years ago, a picture of me in a Hawaiian shirt and flip flops, DJing on the beach was put up next to a swamp redneck in Mossy Oak, and the question was "who is more Florida?" It was basically a tie. They are both full on Florida.

@FLManSummer 4/ At a rodeo in River Ranch, out in Central Florida, I saw dudes roll in with lifted F350s, wearing plaid and cowboy hats & boots, speaking with a Spanish accent. The blonde haired Roman rider riding to God Bless America was followed by a string of Spanish names.

@FLManSummer 5/ Florida is unique in that many of the metros are Purple, not Blue or Red. And even our political events are more hilarious than threatening. BLM in Tampa resulted in the absurdity of a man stealing a horse and getting chased by cop cars through downtown... livestreamed.

6/ Florida theoretically should not be a unified state. Its history as a Purple-trending-Red state should make it acrimonious, and yet next to Texas, it's probably the state with the strongest degree of self-identity.

7/ Florida has assimilated its large Hispanic population more than any other place in the country, I think. Even Texas. Puerto Ricans here voted almost 50-50 in the 2024 election. Latinos as a whole voted very similar to non-Latino whites in Florida.

8/ There are some other demographic absurdities like the Greeks of Tarpon Springs right next door to a peculiar, semi-urban breed of Redneck in New Port Richey. Think lifted pickup trucks with "Burning for Jesus" written on them, parked in front of 50 year old Greek restaurants.

9/ Florida has its reputation as God's Waiting Room. But this is also amusing. The Villages is a never ending source of memes - like the great Golf Cart Battle during the 2016 election. Or my old 80 yo neighbor "Chief" who smoked stogies and banged "younger women" (60 yo).

10/ Zoning laws here would make poor @MorlockP lose his mind. Strip clubs with UFOs on the roof that sell burgers out the back door - along with frozen steaks - right next to corporate office towers and loft condos.

11/ Cuban sandwiches are the low key official food of the state. Almost every redneck gas station in the middle of nowhere offers them, and they are usually good.

12/ Other absurdities come from WASP rule-of-law creating weirdly specific laws, Rednecks hating said laws, and Spanish lazy rule lawyering.

Parts of Hialeah have random cow fields in the middle of the city to count most of the city as agricultural for property tax purposes.

13/ Another example: for many years, fireworks were technically illegal in Florida. But incendiary devices were allowed as farming implements to scare away animals.

So for many years you had to sign a paper swearing you were using fireworks to scare birds when you bought them.

14/ Tampa's Gasparilla Parade is probably the state's most famous parade, and it's oddly representative of the state's culture. A mythological Spanish pirate is the excuse for thousands of boats and hundreds of floats to throw beads and get absolutely hammered all over the city.

15/ Another example of how Florida handles problems - the city of Starke was known for having some of the worst speed traps in the whole country, and the state gov't couldn't get them to stop.

So they built a freeway bypass around the whole town instead.

16/ In summary, I love my state. I'm as much a patriot of my state as my country. FL is weird, fun, and its cultural mix works in ways that, in any other state, would probably result in pathology, but somehow doesn't here.

It's definitely not for everyone, though.

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