The GODFATHER of Negotiation:
Chris Voss.
He is the FBI’s lead kidnapping negotiator who has taken down hundreds of hostage-takers and high-stakes terrorists.
I've collected his 7 most powerful lessons to get anything from anyone:
MEGA THREAD🧵
BACKGROUND:
Chris Voss didn’t start as a smooth talker.
He learned negotiation in the most unforgiving classrooms on earth:
• 24-hour standoffs
• Desperate criminals
• Zero margin for error.
And what he discovered flips everything you think you know about persuasion.
1/ FRAMING:
Words are never the starting point.
He says you win before the first sentence by controlling your emotional state.
Because if your voice, face, or body leaks stress, the other side senses weakness before you make a single argument...
That's why he created the "late-night FM DJ" voice:
Slow. Calm. Deep...
Low tones trigger a calm, trusting state in listeners' brains.
Andrew Huberman then explained how this changes their state—and yours—without them realizing it...
2/ Negative emotions cut processing power.
When Voss feels frustration rising, he reframes:
“This is a luxury problem.”
Or—“If they’re trying to hustle me, I must have something worth taking.”
That shifts him from reactive to strategic...
Like the time he lost his suitcase at the airport.
Instead of complaining, he grinned at the clerk: “I need you to wave a magic wand.”
She laughed, broke protocol, and fetched his bag from the baggage tunnels herself.
WATCH THIS:
Why did it work?
Because most people approach conflicts as problems to be solved.
Voss approaches them as people to be engaged.
When someone feels seen and entertained, they often stop guarding the rules and start bending them for you.
3/ Emotional transitions
He also understands are sequential—like rock-paper-scissors.
You can’t jump from sadness to joy.
• From anger, calm.
• From calm, positivity.
• From sadness, anger is the bridge.
Try skipping a step, and you stay stuck...
4/ In standoffs, SILENCE became his ally.
People hate empty space—they rush to fill it, often with concessions or critical information.
Holding your nerve in silence can tilt the table in your favor without a single extra word.
5/ He also mastered “making it their idea.”
People resist orders but protect their own ideas fiercely.
Instead of saying “Here’s what you need to do,”
he asks questions that lead them to discover the solution themselves.
6/ Instant Reinforcement.
And when cooperation appears, he locks it in with:
• Praise.
• Gratitude.
• Recognition.
This cements the behavior, making it more likely to repeat—whether you’re dealing with a kidnapper, a colleague, or a customer service rep.
7/ Never split the difference.
Splitting the difference means both sides lose.
Voss aims for agreements where everyone feels like they’ve won, because that’s the only way an agreement survives after you walk away.
The truth:
Negotiation is not about dominance.
It’s about engineering an emotional climate where the other side wants to work with you.
Get that right, and even in the toughest standoff—you win.
If you liked this thread, join me on my mission:
School and society never taught you how to master the mind.
My mission is to uncover the hidden wisdom in psychology and game theory for those who seek self-mastery.
Follow me @mentalities_ to become Der Übermensch.
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