Thread by @aibytekat

I told my therapist,

“I keep falling for people who never really choose me back.”

She didn't give me comfort.
Hearing her, my whole body went still.

Here's what she just replied:

“That’s because you’re still trying to get the love you never got.”

We don’t chase people because we love pain.

We chase people because, at some point,
we were taught love must be chased.

Not received.
Not felt.

But earned, through performance, perfection, persistence.

If love felt like a reward in your childhood,

you’ll keep confusing emotional unavailability with intimacy.

Because now, rejection doesn’t just hurt.

It feels familiar.

That’s why we fall hardest

for the ones who give us the least.

Because we’re not in love with them,

We’re in love with the possibility
that maybe this time,

we’ll be enough to change their mind.

And every time they pull away,

you try harder.
You become more accommodating.

More forgiving.
More invisible.

Not because you don’t know your worth,

but because proving it has become your way of surviving.

Your nervous system learned this young:

“If I’m good enough, they’ll come closer.”
“If I’m quiet enough, they won’t leave.”
“If I take up less space, maybe they’ll finally see me.”

That’s not love.

That’s self-abandonment disguised as connection.

She said,

“You’re not seeking love.
You’re seeking resolution.”

You’re trying to rewrite a childhood story
with adult characters

who were never meant to play those roles.

But no amount of chasing someone who won’t choose you

will heal the wound of someone who never could.

We keep replaying the same scenes

with different people,
hoping, this time,
the ending will be different.

Healing is when you stop auditioning

for the kind of love

that should’ve been unconditional from the start.

It’s not cold.
It’s clarity.

It’s no longer being seduced by the familiar ache of absence.

So if you’re still choosing those who don’t choose you,

pause.

Not to blame yourself.
But to trace the thread.

You weren’t needy.
You were neglected.
You weren’t dramatic.

You were dismissed.

And now,
you’re remembering your own worth.

You don’t have to be picked to be valuable.

You don’t have to be chosen to be lovable.

You don’t have to earn affection to deserve care.

You are not asking for too much.
You were just taught to beg

for something that should’ve always been yours:

Safe, steady love.

I hope you've found this thread helpful.

Follow me @aibytekat for more.

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