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Evander v ♿ @soul_into_hades
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people mean well but saying "if you're mentally ill, reach out" is just... I see it from other MI people too. But like, we know the hotlines exist, we know we have doctors.
not saying don't share resources with people, but it all just feels very simplistic tbh. even if you can, phoning a hotline isn't necessarily helpful for many people anyway.
I wish people would realise that even with therapy, meds, supportive family and friends, psychs, hotlines, etc., many of us are still going to be very mentally ill.
Acknowledging that our MIs are permanent doesn't mean we're defeatist. I've actually been able to cope better since I'm not waiting for a miracle recovery then crashing again when it doesn't happen.
Knowing relapses are inevitable have helped me appreciate the good days when I have them and not stress about trying to keep that going forever more.
I stopped counting long ago how long I went without self-harming, because all that happened was breaking a relatively long streak made the crash and guilt a million times worse.
I see absolutely no point in me being unrealistically optimistic that I'll never hit rock bottom again.
It doesn't mean I don't have days where I hate my MI and wish it would go away and wish I was "strong enough" to get myself out of my funks.
But I don't think it's healthy for me to pretend that even with all this support in place that I'm ever going to mentally stable forever.
Acknowledging it has meant I recognise more when a crash is coming and have some support in place to hopefully make it easier to ride out. Knowing I go up and down means I have it more in mind when I make plans in my life.
People often translate all this to mean "you don't even try to get better, you just want to be ill". Which is ridiculous. And the opposite: because convincing myself my MI is better forever actually makes my health and relapses worse, so.
Taking things a day at a time (and sometimes less) helps me not to throw in the towel when I have bad days. Not counting streaks makes it easier when I have relapses that break those streaks.
I've been mentally ill since at least 9. I've tried so many things, I know what doesn't work for me.
Incidentally this thinking has also helped with the physical side of my disabilities. I spent many years trying to keep up with a "normal" pace and expecting to wake up better every day. That's not a great way to live, IMO.
Things have been easier to cope with since realising this is forever (again, not that that doesn't get me down sometimes), that I need to find my own pace, that a miracle recovery isn't going to happen.
Again, people see it for the opposite of what it is. But I can't make any improvements to my life if I'm running myself into the ground trying to keep up with other people's expectations of me.
They think that every moment of disability incl. MI should be trying to make yourself appear and live as "abled" as possible, instead of finding your own "normal" and living life around that.
Because abled people expect us to "overcome" disability all the time instead of living in equilibrium with it.
Accepting my limits is better for my MH than pretending I can do anything if I just put my mind to it.
Acknowledging what I can't do and finding things that I can isn't defeatist.
As my age and disability increase, I feel a lot of the pressures I put on myself when I was younger fall away. I seriously convinced myself I could still push through my plans and do all the things I wanted to do.
Trying to do that just made me sicker. It took time but I've processed the fact that my plans all had to change and I won't have that hectic career in my field that I wanted.
How is pushing through that healthier than accepting I can't and finding other ways to spend my life that are meaningful to me that don't run me into the ground?
Abled people want us to spend every moment striving to be "less disabled" because they think a disabled life is worth less and that we're doing ourselves dirty by acknowledging the limits our disabilities put on us.
The pressure of conventional success is heavy enough for many people but especially for disabled people because it's just not attainable for many of us.
On the one hand there is an access problem that could allow some of us to attain that but also people shouldn't have to attain conventional success to be worthy. And the fact that no amount of access will let many of us work full time jobs for example.
I'm not going anywhere with this, just a stream of consciousness, I guess. I just want to find the balance of celebrating my achievements and not using them to measure my worth as a human being.
I want people to realise that "settling" in regard to your disability isn't giving up.
I need people to realise that willpower can't overcome everything in life. Not everyone is capable of the same achievements and that's o.k.
We absolutely need to make everything as accessible as possible but still acknowledge that that doesn't mean every disabled person can suddenly achieve the conventional success you expect. Nor should we have to.
Acknowledging disabilities incl. MI and finding pride in them is not having a victim mentality or "wanting to be ill" but is acknowledging our own realities.
I am disabled as fuck and I won't spend my life pretending not to be. That doesn't help me.
If disabled people being unapologetically disabled makes you uncomfortable, that's your problem, not ours. Let us live our reality.
Some of us are doing all we can. Believe me, we've tried anything you think is a new suggestion. We're still disabled. My conditions are incurable and degenerative, so please stop trying to find the magic cure.
Stop giving disabled people unasked-for advice.
Many of us will and do ask for advice when we want it and it will come from people in similar situations rather than an abled person who doesn't have lived experience of any of this.
It's tiring that abled people act like there is something out there that if we just find it we'll be cured or as close to abled as possible.
Some of us are already doing all the things. We're still disabled. Our conditions will still progress. Let us live our reality. You don't have to be "saving us" all the time.
I should probably stop and you all probably get the point. It's just tiring.
I don't like the idea that society is only what disables us but honestly a lack of access and the treatment by abled people is a big part of it. So abled people, focus on that side of things.
And acknowledge that even if all societal barriers and oppression were removed, many of us will still be disabled and that's o.k.
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